Friday, August 30, 2013

Dance For Me, My Slave

Daddy came home from another long day at work. He slumped in His chair and relaxed, looking around wondering why I hadn’t greeted Him at the door like I normally do. He was just about to call my name when her heard distant chimes coming in His direction. I walked into the room, adorned in a pink, sheer skirt that flowed with my movements, and silver anklets with little bells on it. When I reached His chair, I bowed for Him; kneeling down but with my torso lowered to the ground, my head tilted inward, and my palms facing downward against the floor. He grinned at me and reached down to place His hand on my head to gently pet it, speaking calming, “That’s a good little slave. You may rise.”

I sat up for Him slowly, it’s always done a particular way: my torso rises up first and my arms are pulled inward until I am kneeling completely upright and my hands are resting on my knees. I looked up at Him and smiled, “I have a little dance for you, My Lord.” He seemed to be intrigued by this because He looked at me with an eyebrow cocked up.

I had the tune playing in my head over and over, I was ready to show what I had learnt in my dance class. I had been been in the class for quite sometime but this would be the first time he would see the progress. I took a few steps back and slowly lifted my arms upward from the side of my body until my middle fingers almost touched each other and then brought them back down about shoulder length. I began to slowly move my hips, gradually making the movements more noticeable. I switched from the sensual, flowing move of my hips to more abrupt movements; pushing one side of my hip up and then rocking the other side. My arms moved with the rhythm of my hips, swaying up and down and as my hands would turn. 

Every so often I would glance at Him and smile, I could see the hunger growing in His eyes. I continued rocking my hips but pushed a foot out, pressing my weight on it and with each up-movement of my hips, my body turned. I placed my hands on my hips and did a quick shimmy, showing off my cute bum as the fabric moved with it. I turned back at Him and smiled and saw Him reach out to touch me but I wasn't in arm's length which made me smirk.


It wasn't hard to tell that Daddy was getting frustrated but it wasn't like Him to announce His need, it was more of His style to take what He wanted. He pulled His arm back but began to undo His pants, making sure that I was watching. I could see the bulge pushing against the fabric, I couldn't help but lick my lips. I resisted though, just enough to finish my dance and bow for Him. It was at that moment that I walked over to His chair and my collar was grabbed by the O-ring. He freed His cock and muttered through clenched teeth, "Look what you've done..."

The Power of the Submissive



While with some friends a few days ago, I was told that my rules make it seem like my Daddy is a control freak and that it seems that I'm not capable of controlling my life. I was slightly offended and I feel that a lot of people who don't understand D/s probably think this, but at the same time I can't blame them because they just don't understand and they admitted this. Maybe they don't understand the appeal of power exchange and that it's forced on by the Dom. Who knows. I just want to elaborate on this and speak from my experience.

 I think a common misconception is that being submissive is seen as being a slave and that all rights are gone. Slaves are known for their total power exchange and that includes losing the ability to speak up for themselves. Not every submissive is a slave but I digress...

As a submissive, I have a lot more power than one might think. I may not be the one in constant control but if it weren't for me and my decisions, my Daddy would not own me and or anything. I decide with my Daddy what rules I want in place for me. Most rules are set for my safety, my well-being, or it's something we both agreed on due to a common interest. But I have every right to disagree on a rule he suggests or question why such a rule needs to be in place. I can ask for a rule to be changed or come with a compromise. I also decide how deep I want to submit; hell, I even get to say if this person is worth owning such a precious gift in the first place. I personally wouldn't mind a total power exchange at some point but for now, I am happy with how it is.

It takes a lot of trust to submit and to even do a power exchange in the relationship. Power exchanges are a sliding scale; how far the exchange is taken all depends on the couple. The sub has to be willing to give up however much power, it's not the Dom's decision. They can't say, "I want you to give up all your power and submit to me fully." That's a dickmove and enough of a reason for the sub to run to the hills. The sub's comfort should be the main concern of the Dom, and that means letting her decide when she feels ready to take things a step further.

Being a submissive does not mean you are powerless, it's actually just the opposite.

Rape Fantsies Do Not Minimize Real Rape

Thursday, August 29, 2013

30 Day of Ageplay: Day 3

Is your baby/little/middle side different from your big self? To elaborate, do you go by a different name, is your personality different, etc?

My litte side actually has two parts to it. They are not different personalities of mine or headmates, more like different sides of me. Both are similar to me but have some notable traits or ones that are more prominent. I don't go by different names but Daddy does have nicknames for me when I switch into the mind set of one or the other: princess and little brat. When I refer to either of them as "her", I am talking about myself and am not treating this like a separate persona.

Princess tends to be innocent and sweeter but on occasions she can be playfully haughty. She's a real Daddy's girl. She likes to believe that she is a real princess and Daddy spoils her. She enjoys being picked up and spun around or sitting in Daddy's lap and being covered in kisses.

Little Brat is a not really a brat, but the nickname was given because how much of a tease she is. She is much more direct about her needs and wants and has no qualms about it. Think in terms of Kokonoe Rin from Kodomo no Jikan. Like her opposite, Princess, she loves to play dress-up but prefers sexier outfits than the whimsical, girly ones. Despite being more of a nymphet, she loves loving-moments with her Daddy.

My Rules

Current rules:
  • No disrespecting Daddy. Acting disrespectful will get me ignored until I am sorry and say so or until Daddy feels ready to speak to me again.
  • If I am commanded to do something, I am to do so.
  • If I am asked of something that I don’t feel comfortable doing I am to speak up and he will find a compromise.
  • I’m not allowed to hide things from Daddy.
  • I’m not allowed to play with myself without asking permission from Daddy first.
  • Any rule I break I am to let Daddy know.
  • I am to learn better self control over my mood swings and anger and think before I speak.
  • Take my punishments like a good girl. Punishments are for me to realize I’ve done something wrong and to learn from.
  • I’m also not allowed to put myself down in any way, I think that goes with the disrespect rule though.
  • I am to always do my best. Striving for perfection is silly but striving to the best I can for Daddy is what he asks of me.
  • Acknowledge my health and take better care of myself.
  • There will inspections after sleepovers.*
  • I am not allowed to be touched sexually by others without Daddy's approval first.**
  • If a rule seems unclear to me, I am to ask for elaboration. No more making assumptions.***
For the future (when we’re together):
  • Before I wear an outfit, I am to get Daddy’s approval on it first (Or Daddy may just decide to choose an outfit for me and I am to wear it).
  • Always be ready for Daddy’s use. Inspections will be put in place and I am to comply.
  • Regardless of where we are or circumstances, if Daddy asks me to hand over my panties, I am to do so at that moment without hesitation.
  • Bedtimes may be enforced… (I think it’s a form of punishment but I’m sure that my terrible sleeping habit will get me a bedtime. Either way, he’s mentioned this several times before.)
  • If Daddy wants privacy and is in his study, I am to respect his privacy and let him be.
Rules may be added on as needed by Daddy.


*[2/17/2013 12:34 AM] Daddy: Perhaps I should make it customary to inspect you whenever you return home from hanging out with someone.
Not that I don’t trust you, but knowing you, you’d enjoy proving that you’ve been a good girl, wouldn’t you.
[2/17/2013 12:36 AM] Daddy: Very well. In that case, whenever you return home, you are to remove your panties and come to me for an inspection before doing anything else.
Actually, not just your panties. You should come nude so I can inspect your whole body if I so wish.
If your body has been tarnished somehow (say, you’ve been out in a club and some asshole felt you up, like it’s happened before), it’s during those inspections that you should tell me, so I can cleanse it.

Most Recent Rules:
**Daddy: Only people I approved in advance get to touch you. And yes, that's a rule.
Everyone else counts as filthy. If the touch was inadvertent, I will cleanse your body. If you subjected yourself to it, you will wait until it wears off (that is, until I can touch you without thinking of it anymore).

***Daddy: Which reminds me, from now on, when you feel the slightest bit uncertain about something, you are to ask for instructions.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

30 Days of Ageplay: Day 2

Are you an adult baby, little, or middle? What age do you identify as?

I identify as a "little". My regression age is around 10, but sometimes it does sink a bit lower. Actually now that I think about it, most 10 year olds nowadays don't even act as I do when I'm in little space. I'm most comfortable with that age so I stick to it but I don't let it restrict me. I do have an oral fixation and have expressed that I want a paci and I love sippy cups (that's never changed), but that's as close to being a young little that I'll ever be.

Friday, August 23, 2013

“How do I find Daddy?”


A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

It’s a commonly-asked question and I've answered it several times but I felt this time making a more thorough response through a post would be more helpful. First off I’d like to say that I found my Daddy in the most unexpected way, by chance of two people with similar interests just happening to come across each other. I found my Daddy on Tumblr long before I was even aware of the DD/lg. But enough about me, this is a helpful guide anyways.

Where do I find a Daddy?
I think this question is a lot simpler than most people make it out to be. How do you meet anyone in the vanilla world? Most of the time you come across someone who interests you and you begin talking to them right? Well it’s the same for the BDSM community except there’s more to it (I’ll explain why in a bit). My first suggestion is through Fetlife or Tumblr. That’s right, I mentioned Tumblr because there is a large group of available Daddies on here who probably have a Fet too that you can get to know. Fetlife is easier though since there’s profiles involved and anyone looking for a serious relationship has a decent profile talking about their self, their experience, their interest, and what they’re looking for. Or maybe join a local group on Fetlife that does munches, it’s a great way to make friends and meet people (if you’re into social events revolving around the BDSM community), you might even be lucky and find someone who could potentially be the man you’re looking for.

How do I find the right Daddy? How do I know he’s serious about taking on this type of relationship?
So you’ve been looking around on Fetlife and maybe you’ve come across a single Daddy and his profile interests you so you decide to message him. The most important thing to keep in mind is to not rush it. If you try hopping straight into a relationship (of any kind) you’re going to make yourself look desperate and in the D/s world desperate subs are usually turned away from because it gives the impression they’re not serious. Talk to the Daddy you’re interested in; introduce yourself and say hi, and let him know you’d like to get to know Him better. This should be just like how you’d get no anyone first off, you don’t call someone you just a met a friend, do you? If He responds and asks you tell a bit about yourself then feel free to do so. And then see where your conversations go on from there.  I personally believe the best relationships form from friendships. Remember that the best things in life come when you least except it and aren’t looking and sometimes love is one of those things.

Things are going well and we’ve been talking for a while. He wants to meet in person, what should I do?
First off make sure that you feel comfortable with meeting in person. Do you feel you’ve got to know Him enough that you’d feel comfortable aroud Him in person? If you feel ready, congratulations! My suggestion is meeting in a public place first, maybe meet up with Him for coffee or maybe even attend a local Fetlife group munchie with Him. This ensures your safety and if you’re in a group, more conversations are bound to arise that will let you see just what type of person He is.

If right off the bat on that first meet he invites you to his place, trust your gut. If you feel comfortable enough and feel you can stand your ground (just in case) then go ahead. Set your boundaries and be sure that He is aware of them and respects them. If not then that’s your queue to leave and find someone else who is willing to respect you.

Things to look out for.
Fetlife is notorious for faux Doms and treating the site like it’s a flea market for finding Doms and subs. It’s your job to trust your instinct, guts, and make good judgement based on how the person acts around you and around others.
  • The Daddy who insists that you call him Daddy right off the bat. No. Daddy is title that is earned. Respect is earned. If he demands it this is your cue to either stand up for yourself or to turn away.
  • The sweet talker. Let me elaborate. There’s a boundary between friendly and too friendly. Some Doms will be over friendly to try and win you over and make you swoon over him. They’ll try to act like some God-send hero. Tread with caution around guys like these. Without even getting to know you they will say things like, “Sweet little girl, do not apologize to Me for anything; you are the one who needs to be held and stroked and loved so if there is some small semblance of a smile that I can possibly put on your face then I am delighted to do so.” And yes, I actually did get a message like that before.
  • The hoarder. Polyamory is fine and can be wonderful but there’s a difference between genuine polyamorous and hoarding. Hoarding tends to be when a Dom who keeps a ton of girls more than likely for his own benefit either for physical pleasure and maybe even an ego boost. More than likely having a number of devoted subs to him makes him feel more powerful and chances are, you won't even know about these subs.
  • The married man living, or trying to live, two lives. It’s shame that this even happens but it does. Sometimes kinky men are stuck in vanilla relationships and will come to Fetlife to find kinky girls. While they may not do it on purpose, they lead on the subs into thinking that the relationship is serious and going anywhere when in fact they’re married and keeping this a secret from you and the wife. This situation usually ends badly when the wife founds out. Guess who’s dropped in the end? You.

30 Days of Ageplay: Day 1

Define what ageplay is to you. How do you or would you incorporate it into your relationship?

To me, ageplay is giving into my true self. It’s not an act. It’s not a game. It’s not just a sexual fetish. It’s the chance for me to let my inner child out and be myself without fear of being judged. It’s a way for me to let go of my worries and stress for a bit and be able to enjoy the smaller things in life; the things that made me smile years ago.

When Daddy and I first established a DD/lg dynamic, I denied being an ageplayer. I think shame was a part of it, but another reason was because I had a misconception that it’s acting younger. Normally I act younger than my real age and have interests and urges that are younger too. I had stated from the beginning that I feel that I never grew out of being 13 years old. That’s not to say that I can’t be a mature adult when I need to be. As I went on in the dynamic, I found myself actually regressing and into a younger state of mind than what I classified myself as in the beginning. My current regression age is 10 but even then, sometimes I want a pacifer and I realize that caters to a much younger age range that I don’t regress to or personally identify with.

In my relationship, I am treated like a little girl unless I ask not to be. I am given the extra love and attention needed as well as lessons to help me grow and guide me through life. When I am little and with Daddy, I feel that I have double the love because I am loved as a girlfriend but also as a little girl Aside from that, Daddy and I have discussed going out together for ice cream, taking me to parks, etc. Sometimes we do roleplay our parts and it does involve incest play, but there’s no harm in that.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Spankings! More Than Just a Form Punishment

 


When you hear "spanking", you probably think of it in terms of punishment. Spankings can actually be more than that: punishment, funishment, and therapeutic. And while the act of spankings may be the same between punishment, funishment, and the therapeutic, they are actually quite different and give off a different atmosphere for the spankee.

As a sub, when you receive a punishment spanking, you know for sure that it's a punishment. There is no leeway or play to it. It's not about making your bum red, but more about teaching a lesson and hoping that you won't make the same mistake. I can say from experience, that my punishment spankings are far more painful and the amount is much harder. Because I'm in a long distance relationship, my spankings are done by me with a brush while Skyping. Daddy has a rule that if he can't hear the sound of the brush hitting my skin, I have to redo that number. I'm also not supposed to squirm too much or make a fuss or that will increase the amount even more.

I won't go too much into a general punishment explanation because I'll probably make another post to explain that. Punishment normally contains three parts to it: the lecture, the punishment, and the aftercare. Not everyone may engage in all three but I think each have importance. The punishment act without the lecture defeats the purpose because the sub won't know what she did wrong. As a Dom/Domme, You should explain to Your sub what they did wrong and why it was wrong in your eyes. The punishment act, in this case spankings, should come after the lecture and should be to teach a lesson such as, "if  you do this, you will receive x many spankings." Remember to be strict but fair, that means that You calm down and think out the appropriate spanking amount based on the severity of the act. You want to make a point but You do not want to come off as abusive or use fear as a tactic to make Your sub obey. And lastly, the aftercare; you normally hear this after rough play sessions and how important it is and it's not different during a punishment session. After Your sub has been told what they did wrong and spanked, sometimes they could be shaken up from either the pain or feeling guilty. This is Your time to explain to Your sub that you love them but that what she did disappointed You. You should also remind them not to dwell on the issue and to let it go; the punishment was to make Your sub realize what she did wrong, but now that it's over, it's time to let it go. Give Your sub cuddles and/or kisses. Let her know that everything's okay now.

Funishment is different and it's common among masochistic subs. Depending how well you or Your sub deals with pain, the amount and intensity varies; this is something both parties need to discuss. Funishment differs from punishment because, obviously, nothing wrong was done; it's simply for fun. My funishment spankings are not strict, I don't have to redo them if I don't hit hard enough (but I will anyways) and Daddy and I will agree on an amount. It makes both of us smile.

Therapeutic spankings is something that a lot people don't realize exists or comprehend it. Some people do pay for such spankings, even vanilla people. Just check out this site. There is some science behind it (or psuedoscience depending on what you believe in):

"This supports recent research suggesting that spanking can be an effective tool in relieving anxiety and working with depression. This effect may be caused by the physical release of dopamine and endorphins into the system during and after a spanking.  These neurotransmitters stimulate the pleasure centers of our brains and can make us feel very happy and satisfied. "
With that being said, this certainly does not mean to spank Your sub every time they're stressed or upset about something. People deal with these things differently and sometime need time for themselves to destress. But the concept is like funishment but with aftercare. The idea is for Your sub to be able to let go for a bit and focus on a fun session with You. In a way, it's almost like letting Your sub exchange the emotional pain for physical pain.

Spankings have many uses and if You and Your sub (or you and your Dom) are curious or interested, it doesn't hurt (much) to check out funishment and therapeutic spankings. I would recommend starting off using Your hand if You're a first timer so You can control how much pain You're inflicting. Once You're comfortable with the the varying strength of Your hit, You're welcome to switch to a brush, paddle, or even a crop. Remember to keep the happiness and safety of Your sub in mind.

Friday, August 16, 2013

30 Days of Ageplay

  1.  Define what ageplay is to you. How do you or would you incorporate it into your relationship?
  2. Are you an adult baby, little, or middle? What age do you identify as?
  3. Do you have interests that may be older or younger than the age that you identify with?
  4.  Is your baby/little/middle side different from your big self? To elaborate, do you go by a different name, is your personality different, etc?
  5. Any change in voice or mannerisms?
  6. How did you know you were a baby/little/middle? Was there anything in your teen years that hinted at it being present?
  7. What is something that brings you to your little space? This can be something someone says, movies, and so on.
  8. Do you have any favorite toys or stuffies?
  9. What are some little activities or hobbies that you have?
  10. Tell us about an ageplay fantasy of yours. It can be sexual or non-sexual.
  11. Is there anyone that knows that you’re an ageplayer? Would you tell any of your closest friends?
  12. If you have a caretaker/partner, tell us how you told them about this topic. If not, how would you go about bringing up the subject?
  13. What’s the title you’ve given to your caretaker or Dom? If you don’t have one, what would you want to call him or her?
  14. Do you have any favorite titles for yourself?
  15. Has anyone found out that you’re an ageplayer? If not, how would you handle the situation if someone did?
  16. Give 3 ageplay-themed turn ons.
  17. Give 3 ageplay-themed turn offs.
  18. Post a picture of an outfit or article of clothing you’d like to wear that makes you feel your ageplay age.
  19. What’s your favorite Disney movie? How about Disney Princess?
  20. Any non-Disney movies that you would like to watch when you’re in your little headspace?
  21. What’s a (or several) misconception you’d like to bring up regarding ageplay?
  22. Since you started ageplaying, have you found yourself getting more into it? Do you find yourself slipping to a lower age group or possibly having several headspaces?
  23. Since opening up and making a Tumblr or Fetlife, have you made any little friends?
  24. Any hard limits that pertain to ageplay?
  25. Imagine you got to host a sleepover or party for ageplayers. Tell us about what you’d plan for it.
  26. Have you ever treated someone differently because their little’s age is different from yours? What are your thoughts on kink-shaming?
  27. The lolita fashion community has a strong dislike for ageplayers and those who share an interest between both. What would you say to them? (If you don’t have an interest in lolita fashion, what would you say to people who discriminate against ageplayers?)
  28.  Give us a store that sells clothes that you’d wear as a little.
  29. Say that your caretaker decided to treat you for your good behavior one day, how would you want to treat yourself?
  30. How do you feel about the stereotype that all littles are brats?

Feeling Ashamed to Call Myself a Little

Two years ago, when I first started my blog I was ecstatic to come across the DD/lg community on Tumblr. I looked forward to learning more about this branch of the D/s lifestyle, explore myself, and make more friends. I had made some awesome friends over the years.I felt that devoting a blog to learning about myself and tracking my training would be great to have along side with Fetlife. I definitely wasn’t the first DD/lg blog on here, but at the time there really wasn’t that many. The majority of D/s blogs were Master/pet or Master (Sir)/slave. Even my sister sub had a blog at the time though she was not a little, she was my Daddy’s pet.

I longed for the day that the community would thrive and there would be a tag devoted to us. Now that we have that tag, I’ve watched it go downhill and turn into a cesspool. I browse through the tag in hopes of reading personal experiences and watching people develop. Now all I see are spam of pictures (sometimes irrelevant), whining about not having a Daddy, and just general stuff that would be considered spam in a tag. Just today in the tag, I saw guy post a picture of his leg. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why? What’s the point of tagging that in #DDlg and #Daddy Dom? Ok, so you’re a Dom, but who cares to see your legs while you’re on a train? Just tag that under a personal tag for your blog. Our tags are a cesspool.

This shit isn’t cute. It’s those type of girls (but within our community) who give outsiders the impression that we’re all like this. You don’t get to act like brat, get your way, and get spoiled rotten. Like Daddy and I have expressed in the past, no other type of Dom would let that slip.
Well, that’s because DD/lg is oversaturated. It’s like beginner mode for a lot of girls lately. Because they think they can have the whole D/s overtone while still getting to be a spoiled brat. No other forms of D/s would put up with brattiness to such a degree. Honestly, I’d class a bunch of littles as kinksters, because it’s like, “Yay, I get to be kinky in bed, but out of it, it’s my Daddy’s job to pamper me while I can be as much of a brat as I want!”. And that’s not lifestyle. That’s just being kinky*
*Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with being a kinkster.

That’s not how a D/s relationship works.You want something? You earn it with good behavior. Too many girls are joining the community based off the idea of having a sugar daddy or an older man to boss around. Fetlife groups have expressed this issue too; lots of girls claim to be littles just to mooch off Daddies who looking for a real submissive girl. If you want to act that way, go ahead, but don’t call yourself a little, you give the rest of us a bad name. What once was an issue with Masters and slaves, has now become an issue for us.

Let’s not forget the girls who express that they’re a little because they have Daddy issues or because they’re intrigued by Lolita and think the dynamic is based off of that novel. While a lot of Daddies and littles do roleplay Humbert and Lolita, and that’s fine because it’s their relationship, but it’s not the core of the dynamic. It’s not what we’re all about. And one of the most annoying things that a little can have slapped on them is that they have daddy issues. The majority of us do not have daddy issues. We’re not looking for a man to replace our biological father. I have a wonderful (biological) father and we had a wonderful relationship as I was growing up.

I have a separate Tumblr and it’s not uncommon to see posts talking poorly about our community and littles because of the wanna-be’s in the group or because OP is just misinformed and closed-minded in general. But it’s the wanna-be’s that make me feel ashamed, when I see other express how we appear to them. I am ashamed, not of myself but that I identify as such.

I don’t think a lot of newbies realize that being a little is still a D/s dynamic within a relationship. Daddies are still Doms. They still want a woman to teach, guide, love, nurture, and so on. You do not get to deceive a Daddy Dom by calling yourself a little because you want to jump in the band wagon, look edgy by calling a guy “daddy” in bed, or just looking for someone to spoil you. If you don’t want to submit, fine; you can still call a guy “daddy” in bed, it’s not even that uncommon. If you want someone to spoil you, find a sugar daddy. But don’t take advantage of Doms and get their hopes up.

You also aren't as special as you think...

If you send me (or anyone I follow) a message asking, “Can I be you Daddy?” or “Can I be your little girl?” I’m going to laugh at you.
You deserve to be laughed at too because it shows that you’re desperate and pathetic. It also shows that you haven’t the slightest idea about the D/s dynamic. Why on Earth would you send an anonymous message to a stranger asking to give yourself to them? First off, sending it anonymously shows that you’re a coward. But more importantly… Do you realize how dangerous that is? Did you even bother to stop and think that you have had no chance to get to know this person and bond with them?

Do you honestly think you’re that special that by sending a message like that will make someone will automaticlly want to be taken under your wing or take your under their wing. No. D/s dynamic is not roleplay. It is not something to take lightly. If you want to roleplay it with someone, fine, but don’t waste real Doms’ and subs’ time. This it no a matter of gaining pet names for each other.  When you submit or receive someone’s submission it’s because they trust you and deem you worthy. You actually have to get to know the other person first. It’s not just about compatibility. It’s about trust. You don’t even know this person, and if you claim to know them it’s probably only based on what they post or how they respond to message, which is nothing to base an opinion off of.

Also if the person you messaged is already taken, it shows that you’re an idiot who can’t read, have some super ego that needs to be shot down, or you didn’t bother to even try to learn about the person.
 .

Follow-Up Rant on Polyamory

Originally written July 11, 2013

While we’ve had this discussion countless times in the past, I feel having it again always serves a purpose. We discussed the idea of finding another man for me and what would be acceptable and not if I wanted to pursue that (but I expressed I have no interest in finding another man), why having another individual does not threaten Daddy, my double standard against men, the possibility of Daddy ever finding another girl and where that puts me. Each discussion has revealed that regardless of identifying as a polyamorous individual, I still cling tightly to some monogamous beliefs. These beliefs are harder to deal with because they’re deep rooted and until pointed out, they’re not discussed; most of these beliefs actually don’t have a real reason behind them. I can be asked why something is bad, and when I actually sit there and think about it to look for a reason, I can’t give a reason. We actually tend to run in circles on the topic a few times and I get really frustrated until I use my brain.

Another important reason for these discussions is to be open about thoughts and feelings we have based on the discussion. This isn’t exactly the easiest part of the discussion because thinking with emotions isn’t really logical and tends to makes things more touchy. I am insecure and the thought of Daddy finding another girl on the side terrified me. I got really emotional discussing this and even offended at times. But when asked why, I couldn’t give a logical answer because I was thinking solely on emotions.

As I think about this morning and what was discussed, I feel had I been in this mindset and not half asleep, I would’ve been able to carry a more mature discussion. I can think rationally. I realize why finding another individual does not harm either of us or come in between our relationship. Daddy is a picky man so it’s not like he’d bring in just any girl into the pack. And it’s not like He’d be bringing someone in because I can’t satisfy Him enough. People are different from each other, why can’t He love and enjoy me as well as someone completely different? There is no threat because you cannot compare the two together, it’s like comparing apples to oranges.

I think one of my largest issues when it comes to polyamory is applying my thoughts and beliefs on others; that just because I would think this way, that means Daddy does too. To be more specific, when I see myself with another person, I can’t see myself loving them as much as I love Daddy. So I apply that belief to the vice versa of the situation and end p realizing that that wouldn’t be the case for Daddy because unlike me, He can love two individuals the same amount but for different reasons. Or how I’m not sure how to equally divide my attention and I get afraid that Daddy wouldn’t how to either; that’s a baseless assumption though and I actually have anecdotal evidence that that’s wrong. Another one is placing my insecurities on Daddy and believing that Daddy is secretly feeling the same way, thus I feel afraid that I’d hurt Him. But that’s another one that I could easily prove wrong if I sat and think because Daddy is a very straightforward and honest individual. And just why it’s okay for me to have a playmate or bring someone else into the pack, but Daddy doing the same would not be okay is beyond me. Double standards are nasty little things but they can be dealt with.

Fear in polyamory tends to root in insecurities and that’s why I think these discussion are important. They’re like check-ups, you’ve had them before, but it’s always important to have them again in case something changes. Communication is key in any relationship but especially in a polyamorous family because if your partners. It’s important to deal with said insecurities before they get out of hand and cause problems.

Memorization Assignment

Deimos is Here!


May 22, 2013


Deimos is here!

I came home yesterday to find a box on my bed. I called up Daddy and opened it so he could share the moment with me. He’s perfect; my perfect cuddle buddy. I’ve been hold him non-stop since last night.

Daddy bought him from a wolf reserve here in the US, they have a gift shop . They must’ve thought he was buying this for a kid because attached to the people that showed the order, they attached a piece of candy. Though Daddy and I joke that maybe it was put in there in case my little buddy got hungry.

Just some thoughts on respect and safety towards camgirls

Originally written April 19, 2013.

So as I’ve stated a lot lately, I’ve been doing cam shows for a week now. I think I’ve talked much more about it than any real kink or DDlg related posts lately, and I apologize for that. I do have some issues I just want to speak about based on my experience and encounters the past few days.

While I enjoy what I do and have had some great conversations and even made friends, I’ve come to learn first hand that there’s a lot of disrespect towards camgirls. Did I expect to be treated like a goddess? No, after all, I am catering to horny men. But I feel like a lot of men look at us women as nothing more than entertainment. They forget that we have opinions, limits, and feelings.

Under our cam feed, the models (that’s what we’re referred to) have a bio page. This is where we talk about ourselves, address rules, limits, and other info. My profile is pretty straightforward and to the point and my info is listed in order of importance. Not only that but my list of rules really isn’t that long either:
Rules
1. Call me Doll. I’m not “your girl” or “baby”. I’m not yours at all.
2. Be respectful or be banned.
3. If you want a video or picture request, a tip is required.
4. If I say no to something, that means no. Don’t be a jerk.
5. I will not RP with you or view your cam. I’m not interested in you.
6. I will not meet up with you in person ever either. So don’t ask.
It’s no surprise but this tends to go unread and I have to repeat myself over and over again because people are too lazy to take less than 5 minutes from jerking off to read my bio page. Constantly I and the other girls get the following questions (minus the last 2, those are personal ones):
"Cam2cam?"
"Private shows?"
"Are you taken?"
"I’m in *insert city* Florida if you ever need a real man/good time."
"Pm me bb, I wanna ageplay with you"
"Are you really 19?"
 When I reject them, I get called a “cunt”, “whore”, and “bitch”. Thankfully Cliff and Daddy (when joins) keep these nuts at bay but that’s beside the point. Just because I get naked on cam does not mean I’m here to solely please you. If that’s what you’re looking, get off your lazy ass and hire yourself a prostitute.
I’ve come across men who asked me if I sell myself for sex and how much I could be purchased for.
Man: “How much can I buy you for??”
Me: “I’m not for sale and I’m not interested in you. You should read the bio.”
Man: “Fine, then I’ll just find myself another whore.”
Your butthurt is showing. I am not your personal sex doll. It’s not my problem that you can’t get laid. Maybe if you were more respectful towards women, you would actually have a girlfriend or whatever you’re seeking.

I’d also like to point out the lack of concern for a model’s safety. I don’t engage in dangerous acts in my shows. I try to incorporate acts of kink and aspects of BDSM in my shows with what limited supplies I have. I get that people have interesting fetishes and look forward to seeing a kinky girl on the site; I was told most girls on there are vanilla anyways. But I highly doubt the majority of kinksters have any sort of basic understanding of the ethics of BDSM - Safe, sane, and consensual. Being asked to choke myself is fine. I love breath play and I love a grip around my neck, don’t get me wrong. What I will not comply to is your request of “harder” over and over again or “use a belt”, that’s dangerous. I do not have enough experience in breath play or choke play to know how long is too long for choking or how strong of a grip is too strong; the only signs I have are a change in skin color and feeling tingly or lightheaded. I do not want to pass out during a show just so you can get off.

I’m there for fun and to make some money. I don’t care how many tokens you have, if you’re an idiot, I do not have to be nice to you and I don’t want your money.

The Difference Between (Trying to) Learn to Be a Dom and Learning the Roles

Oringinally written April 27, 2013

The BDSM community is ever growing and growing fast. With the release of the book 50 Shades of Gray and the fascination by the DD/lg dynamic here on Tumblr, you’re going to see more and more BDSM related blogs. You’re going to find a lot of newbies with little to no experience. With that being said, you’re also going to find a guy or gal who is looking into the lifestyle because their partner is into it, but they aren’t. While the community welcomes everyone to hop on in, get your kink on, and learn about the lifestyle, I think there is a big misconception.

With all the newcomers coming in, it’s only natural that you’d run into questions from people like, “How do I make my partner submissive or dominant?” “I want to be in a D/s relationship but I don’t think I have what it takes to be a dominant.” “How do I learn to be a Dom? My wife has an interest in BDSM and I want to fulfill her needs.”

Can you really learn to be a Dominant or submissive? Now you’re welcome to disagree, but Daddy and I were discussing the topic of “learning to be a dominant”. Daddy and I believe that being a Dominant or submissive is a mindset and a part of one’s personality. It is something that has been with you prior to your discovery of the lifestyle, but you may not have known the terms or that there was a community of people similar to you.

Maybe you had thoughts or fantasies of dominating someone in the bedroom and even outside of it. Maybe your mind has crossed over the idea that it would be nice to find a woman who would like to live a 1950’s lifestyle with you. Maybe you have naturally found yourself to be submissive in bed and fantasized about a man taking control of you with your consent. Perhaps you even want to have a man take control of certain other aspects of your life with mutual agreement on it. That’s natural. Or maybe you’re not into D/s at all, maybe you’re a Sadist or masochist or even just a kinkster and have found such topics appealing and want to give it a try.

Then you have the folks who come into the lifestyle because they hear it’s cool, edgy, or just have the complete wrong impression of it. You’ve ran into them. The “Dom” who thinks you owe him respect right off the bat. The “Dom” who thinks every sub is automatically his. The sub who wants nothing more than a man to give her all the pleasure she wants and needs but isn’t willing to return it: I’ll be submissive when it’s convenient for me.

There’s a difference. The former have the basic foundation and have potential. They may not be an official Dom or sub yet just because they've only had true interest in it but no experience. For them to pursue a D/s dynamic, it would feel natural once they accommodate into their respective places. No one is born knowing what it takes to be a proper Dom and that’s where refining comes in. They do the research, they read up, they join communities to learn what it’s like. They can learn how to bring out their dominant or submissive side. They can learn how to make themselves better as either. They can learn which D/s role they would prefer to take on: Master, Sir, Daddy, etc. The latter can always learn but not in the same way. They don’t have that foundation laid out for them. It is not naturally part of their personality. These people tend to be best at just keeping it a roleplay in the bedroom. They don’t have what it takes to carry on a 24/7 dynamic because for them, they would have to fake it almost. There’s nothing wrong with tops, bottoms, and kinksters though.

The bottom line is, you can learn to dominate, but I you can’t learn to be a Dominant.

Dog Days

Three days ago, despite being sick as a dog, I was extremely horny throughout the day. We ended up playing around 4 or 5 times yesterday. Daddy likes to tell me that when I get like that I’m a bitch in heat. It’s amusing too because I let go of my inhibitions and will do and say things that I normally wouldn’t have the courage for.

Normally when I’m horny, I get wiggly and that’s normally Daddy’s cue that I want to play. I didn’t have my toys yesterday since I was at my mum’s house so I had to do without. Now I can’t remember which round it was, because we ended up playing twice while at my mum’s house… But I think it was the first round where I got needy enough to run off to the bathroom for a bottle. It’s been a long time since I used a makeshift toy, and I probably won’t use one again because the edges weren’t smooth enough and I hurt myself. Yeah, now I remember, this is why we had to take a break.
Of course it wasn’t long until I started getting needy again, so we continued again, just without the bottle. I started touching myself a bit and brought my hand back up to the cam’s view to show my juices clinging on to my fingers. After that touch, He began to tease me a bit.
Maybe I should keep you needy and not let you touch yourself until you get home. t’s a shame you don’t have your pillow here. Continue humping the bed, little bitch
He gets a kick out of that and enjoys seeing my pleasure. I was surprised when He told me to suck my thumb. I’m not a thumb sucker, but my fingers usually draw near my mouth or I bite my baby blanky or pillow. I did as He said though and I loved it, it made me feel adorable.
There’s something strange about being turned on by you seductively sucking your thumb.
Because yes, I had to make my one little twist to the innocent-looking thumb sucking.
We got interrupted a little bit after because my dad was coming to to pick me up, but even if I hadn’t been interrupted, I wouldn’t have been allowed to cum until we got home. The pillow that Daddy mentioned is one of the decoration pillows I have on my bed. When we first started dating, there were a lot of times that I’d straddle the pillow and grind against it.

When I got home, I ran off to my room and after waiting a bit for privacy, we picked up where we left off. Unless I’m being a tease, I have a tendency to sit around, giggling and shaking until I’m told to take off my clothes. So I got the usual order.
Well, little girl, what are you waiting for? Off with your panties?
So that led on to our third playtime and it lasted quite a while. He started off with having me hump my pillow. After I was told to show Him how wet I was, I was then allowed to grab my toys: the egg and dildo. For the past month or two, I’ve been ordered to stick out my tongue like a little puppy would. Sometimes He tells me, “No talking; dogs don’t speak.” This wasn’t one of those times but I love it when He says that.
About an hour or hour and a half later we finished. Thankfully I’m allowed to cum several times when we play, I normally don’t have to wait until Daddy cums; I don’t know how he can hold back for so long. Actually, no I do, He has a few techniques that He uses which gives me the advantage of seeing His cock throb. I love it.

About an hour later, I was horny again and so we played again. I don’t think Daddy got to cum a second time, though, I think we had stopped because I started to feel sick. Stopping because I feel sick has been a common occurrence lately but we manage and he never minds it. Majority of the time if it happens we just take a break and 10 minutes later we’re back at it.

A little bit before Daddy when to bed, I told Him I wanted to play dress-up. It was part of my devious plan to keep Him up a bit longer. I came out with 5 outfits (1 was a variation of another): a pretty, flowing night gown; a sexy bad girl/goth outfit; two variations of a school girl uniform; and a yellow dress. Each time I’d change, I’d crouch down and hide on the other side of the bed so it’d be a surprise.

Daddy’s favorite was the goth girl one. It’s more “mall goth” than true goth but it was cute. The outfit consisted of a long sleeve, black fishnet top; a short tartan skirt that had chains; thigh-high black and white striped tights; and two arm sleeves, one fishnet and the other was black and white striped. Mind you, I had no panties undergarments worn under any of this, so my tits were completely exposed as well as my holes when I’d bend over. I took advantage of this and let’s just it was fun to tease Him. I poked up from behind the bed to show the outfit and I began lifting up the top a bit as I bounced around. I could hear Him almost hissing as he said, “Goddamn, babygirl.” I then lifted up my skirt a tad from the front then turned around and lifted the back to expose my bum. I hopped on the bed and continued with my teasing, laying across my bed and running my hands up and down my body, pulling the fabric along with it.

Daddy mentioned that he wanted to take pictures but the cam feed wasn’t too great. I would have taken pictures but my room’s a disaster and my camera’s battery wasn’t charged. But we decided maybe this week I can take some pictures. My room has to be cleaned first. :)

Learning to Bow


Today Daddy taught me how to bow.

Yesterday I had reblogged a picture of a Gorean couple (from what Daddy says) and the kajira was bowing while the Master sat at the table; neither of us have an interest in the Gorean lifestyle, but I found the picture adorable. I explained to Him how I thought bowing was an adorable way of showing respect and a way of greeting. He offered to teach me how to bow. My eyes lit up as he began to speak:
On your knees, babygirl.
Good…
Legs together and make sure your feet are pressed on the ground; not the sole part though.
Rest your bum on your heels and lower yourself.
Let your forehead touch the ground. Now rest your elbows and palms on the ground next to your head.
Yes, just like that.
I stayed in that position for a few moments before sitting back up but still on my knees with my hands placed on my thighs.
"How did you like it?"
"I liked it a lot"
"Very well. When we’re living together and I come home from work, I expect to be greeted that way. Understood?"
"Yes, Sir."
I was all smiles, Daddy even pointed it out. He said he loved to see the exaltation in my face. Since then I’ve bowed several times tonight just because I enjoyed doing it so much.

Good Vibes

Originally written March 31, 2013

Two days ago Daddy and I discussed the idea of wearing my egg out in public for the first time. Unfortunately Daddy’s not physically with me and my egg isn’t remote control, so it wouldn’t have been as fun as if he were next to me and randomly spiking it up. Nonetheless, I was really excited about wearing it. Daddy had said that he doubt I’d be able to sit still and keep quiet, I told him “challenge accepted”. I had also promised to take pictures for Daddy but I didn’t because of other reasons (if you’re reading this, Daddy, I’ll explain to you why tomorrow).

Today was one of our monthly lolita meet ups. I’ve been to plenty now, at least 1 or 2 each month since September. Most of the time we go out for tea, which I really enjoy, but today was a craft meet. We reserved a room at library for a couple hours and brought our own crafts to work on and talk together. Before I go on further with the story, I should mention I can’t and don’t drive. So normally friends or my mom is my transportation. So considering I’d be stuck in the car with her for an hour and a half to two hours, I held off wearing it.

I got to the library and went up to the room. My mom was lingering for a bit, basically waiting to ask for cafe recommendations so she could have something to do (and eat) while I crafted with my friend for the next two hours. In the mean time I just attempted to crochet a bunny amigurumi and failed because I had no idea what she was doing. I had suddenly got a text from Daddy, He told me that even though He was going to be busy for the day and evening that He’d check up on me. I had told Him that I hadn’t put my egg in yet but would soon, just was waiting for my mom to head out. Not long after replying, she left and Daddy had to go as well but I told Him that since she was gone, I could head to the bathroom and slip it in.

I got up to use the bathroom and my friend followed me; normally I don’t mind bathroom company but considering I was going to the bathroom not use the bathroom, things were a little awkward. I pulled it out of my purse and made sure that I wasn’t touching the dial before it slipped in because the last thing I need is bzzzzz while my friend’s in the stall next to me. Anyways, I slipped it in and turned the dial to be about half way, and made sure it was secure in my bloomers. I could’ve turned it higher but I was afraid it’d be too noisy; everything sounds like fuck’n surround sound when your surroundings are quiet.

I walked out of the bathroom like nothing and casually talked with my friend til we got back to the room. Thankfully for the first hour of the meet, the room was fairly loud. We were all laughing our asses off at silly remarks and such. There were a few times where it must’ve rubbed against my spot because I’d get a shiver down my spine which made me wiggle a bit, but nothing too obvious. I really did expect more from it, maybe my egg’s faulty motor is partially to blame.

Around the hour and a half mark, my mom returned and so did my friend’s mom. It had quiet down a bit by then since everyone had really gotten into whatever they were doing. I started to get a little nervous and paranoid then but I refused to run to the bathroom and take it out. I figured I might as well wear it during the entire meet. What can I say? I liked the thrill.

We had to be out of the room by three so we headed over to a sushi restaurant. Because our group was so large, we ended up sitting in a booth and chairs. I should have picked a chair, but I wasn’t thinking and everyone had already grabbed the chairs, so I slid into the booth. Let me tell you, if the idea of the sound possibly being heard was bad, the idea that the vibrations could be felt from me in the booth were worse. I could faintly hear it and I swear I felt like I must have been emitting vibrations which is pretty embarrassing because my other friend’s boyfriend was sitting next to me. I started to get nervous and paranoid again but I managed to distract myself enough to not pay attention to it.

It actually became a problem after we were finished eating and had gotten up to leave the restaurant, I felt the egg’s controller slip out one of the legs’ of my bloomers. Had I not grabbed it through my dress it would’ve been hanging under my dress in plain view. At that point I had to run to the bathroom and fix it.
I finally ended up taking out a couple hours later after leaving the mall to head back home. It had kind of become slightly painful by then, I’m not sure why. But I did manage to wear it from 2-7, so that was a fairly decent amount of time. I would definitely wear it again though, even if it didn’t turn out to be what I expected. At least it did make me pretty wet.

Maybe I should ask Daddy about wearing it to church tomorrow…

Edit:I typed “plug” in here accidentally. I caught one but if you see it more, it should be “egg”.

Confessing to my Bestie

Originally written May 1, 2012

I’ve never had any trouble telling my close guy friends about my kinks or my relationship with Daddy, a lot of guys aren’t too squeamish and judgmental when it comes to such things as girls are… at least not in my experience or not around me. I don’t have too many close, best girl friends anymore as I used to but I have one that I’ve seemed to always have (We’ve been friends for… 11 or 12 years?) but even up til now I was afraid to let her in on anything about my relationship or such.

My best friend called me up Wednesday and it wast the first time we had really talked in several months and I being in a decent mental state and happy (the past times I talked to her were some tough times and she was worried about me and I was just a mess). It was short-lived but she told me to call her back on Friday and I really looked forward to that. I did end up calling her and we talked for five hours, longest time I talked with her on the phone in years. But anyways, Wednesday evening I had told Daddy I wonder how she would react if I told her about us. I really wanted to tell her but I was scared; I remember years back when I had told her I was bi she was a little distant from me for a while or at least that’s how I perceived it. She’s also very protective of me. So I was wondering how she would react to something as big of a confession as this.

I called her on Friday and we talked about everything on our minds, it was amusing and felt natural, like how we used to talk when we would hang out before I moved. At some point in the phone conversation we got on the topic of sex and our relationships, she rarely spoke much about her boyfriend, hell the four years they’ve been together I’ve never heard her once complain about him or a problem with him ever. Anyways though, after she talked a bit about her sex life and relationship I fessed up. She knew Daddy existed already, of course, but as a boyfriend and nothing more. I told her how I was into several aspects of BDSM, various kinks (I didn’t go into detail), and told her about Daddy and I being part of a D/s relationship. I remember her asking if he was my Master and that’s when I corrected her and told her I call him “Daddy” and explained why. Her reaction was something I was not prepared for, “That’s so cute!” Part of me was bracing for the worst and her thinking poorly of me and Daddy and judging us. She began asking me more about us, how our relationship came to be this way, why I chose to call him Daddy, what nicknames he has for me, etc. It was a wonderful feeling to see that my best friend in the entire world accepted me as I am and even took interest into hearing what I had to say about this. Funny enough, her boyfriend calls her “babygirl”, “babydoll”, and “little one” but as far as from what she told me, they’re not a Daddy/babygirl couple, they’re just more experimental with their sex life and he just calls her those as nicknames and nothing more (like no meaning behind it).

Even if she hadn’t been so accepting of my relationship with Daddy or of Daddy it wouldn’t have made a difference between him and I but it felt really nice that she “approved”. I feel like I don’t have to hide things from her and keep my real self away from her anymore. In general, the past six months I felt her and I had been drifting because conversations between us felt different, she was different, and I know I was too and I got scared. But Friday canceled out all those fears, not even just because telling her about Daddy and I, but just because of how we talked together. I hadn’t laughed with her like that in so long or felt that close with her. I told Daddy she’s like my big sister, not that I haven’t always seen her as my sister, but a big sister now because she’s protective of me and cares so much for me.

I love her, she’s the best friend I could ever ask for. I can’t wait to see her again soon.

My Daddy!

babybunniedoll asked you:
teehee hiya Bunny, im Bunnie nice to meet you. :3 i was just really curious, i’ve always loved ur blog, its soo coot. <3 What is your daddy like? >w<
Ello Bunnie! Look at us, bunnies are appearing everywhere on Tumblr. Somebunny’s clearly doing what bunnies do best *cough* fucking *cough*  That’s my only explanation for the increasing bunny population. Hehe. Also, thank you. :3

Let’s see… How to describe my Daddy…
Appearance-wise:
In the past, I’ve describe Him as a fine ass specimen of the human species. He has a round face with a mustache and goatee. Nice lips that aren’t too thick or thin, I think they suit Him just right; very kissable in my opinion. He has long brown hair that reaches His back, it’s normally worn tied back when He’s out and about. He has slightly Asian-looking eyes though He’s not Asian. I should add that He wears square glasses that are rounded around the angles. He’s not too tall but definitely not short.

Personality-wise: 
He’s rather enigmatic when you first meet Him; very private about Himself until He gains your trust. Think of it as a knight wearing full-body armor, you only see what’s on the outside until the armor is removed. Once you gain His trust He really opens up and reveals more of His true personality to you. For anyone who’s familiar with the  Myer’s Briggs personality types, He’s an INTP. I believe he scored a solid 100% on INTP where I’m an INFP but scored about 50% on each section. Carrying on… He’s very mature for His age. He’s extremely intelligent, logical, and well-spoken in both Hungarian and English. Swears like a sailor but meh, we both do. He enjoys intelligent conversations and debates. A good debate is the equivalent of playing chess for Him; He really sees it as a game of wits and likes to seek out worthy opponents.

He’s into programming and has been doing it for a really long time. It’s funny because He’s in college right now and most of the first part of the year was such a big review for Him, that He’d teach the class or correct the teacher on certain things. I think that a lot of guys I know that are His age would find Him and His interests boring. Aside from all that, He also really enjoys traditional RPG’s and gaming. I don’t think there’s ever a moment where He’s not playing some sort of game. He’s really damn good at games too and, unlike me, doesn’t give up easily when He comes across challenges. His love for gaming and good background in programming has given Him the idea to try creating games at some point in the future. He has some ideas but they’re pretty elaborate and He feels He doesn’t have time to dedicate to it.

Towards me:
Because I see Him on a much more personal level and am special to Him, I get to see more than just the above. Depending on the situation and topic, He can be fairly playful with me or very strict and stern. We have our intellectual and serious conversations, usually Him teaching me something; and of course we have our random and spontaneous conversations. We enjoy both. I can’t tell you how many times in a day that I laugh because of Him. We have our silly inside jokes and make silly faces at each other on Skype. I actually have pictures of Him putting silly bead eyes in his glasses in place of His eyes and it just looks hilarious. We have similar ideas of what we find funny, which is usually really crude and offensive humor. So He does have a more “fun” side to Him.

He’s very loving and understanding, most of the time not quick to judge. Okay, I take that back, there are some things that He does not agree with and would create some sort of judgement, but it’s rare. He’s easy to talk to about issues or concerns because He’s not quick to judge. He has a temper, like I do, but can keep His cool until something sets Him off. He’s very supportive of me and decisions I make in my life. If He doesn’t agree with something, He’ll express it and have me reconsider my decision. There are other issues where He has the right to step in and make the decision for me but that’s because I’ve given Him the permission to do so.

Learning My Place as a Submissive and Fitting Roles

When we look at D/s relationships, it’s clear that there are many “paths”: Daddy/little girl, Master or Owner/pet, Master/slave, etc; there are other but they’re more than likely just title changes than dynamic changes. Each path has its own known dynamics and rules but they’re not set in stone, if anything they’re guidelines for you to start off with. Roles and dynamics within different paths are interchangeable depending on the relationship. One doesn’t have to stick with a title, things can overlap and that’s perfectly okay. And I think today I’ve finally come to terms with that.
When I started off as my journey as a submissive with Daddy, I started off in a Master/pet relationship because other than Master/slave it was all I knew. I didn’t remain a pet for long though, somehow I came across this site and had realized that this was the type of path I wanted to pursue. I brought it up to Daddy and showed him the site and although he was hesitant at first (due to incest undertones) but accepted and took on the role. Daddy is not new to the lifestyle, before me and at the same time as being with me (this was when our relationship was still vanilla) he had a pet of his own (who was my sissy sub up until March of 2012); but Daddy had never been a Daddy prior to that… So this journey has been one that we’ve gone through together. When we did start taking on our roles, I came to really dislike the idea of ever having been a pet, mainly because I had seen extreme things of pet play and it didn’t appeal to me. I felt being a pet was degrading and had some sort of elitist mentality for a while about the different paths and titles, babygirls being at the top and slaves being at the bottom. I hated the idea of even carrying any sort of traits outside of babygirl ones because I didn’t want the dynamic to change. Part of my elitist mentality was due to my jealousy with kitten and I liked the idea of feeling superior to her but now we’re getting off topic. What’s important is that Daddy did his best to change that mentality over time and it worked.
But that was in the beginning and I was still learning a lot about myself and my roles.
As Daddy had put the journey,
Remember when I compared your training to slowly submerging you in a pool while holding your hand?
Well to an untrained, newbie sub, the lifestyle is foreign domain, something akin to a pool of murky water. It takes courage to dip even a toe into it.
Then  eventually, they work up the courage and take their first dive. Or well, they try to float on the surface, not yet knowing how to swim.
Then they sink deeper bit by bit, but the feeling of “alienness” remains. It’s still a world that one can dive into but not remain indefinitely. Something to emerge from every now and then for a breath of familiar air.
But you, little doll, you’ve reached the point where this world is no longer strange and alien.
In the past year I have observed myself grow as a submissive. I have watched myself learn what’s proper and what’s not by my Daddy’s standards. I have learned how to submit properly and how to serve properly, taking note and remembering what Daddy likes. But on the other hand, I have learned more about myself and my kinks, what things turn me on.I’ve found that a lot of things that I enjoy or interest me seem to overlap with other paths, like my fondness of pet play again. I have even found myself calling Daddy “Sir” at certain times. Back then, I would’ve been upset with myself but now I have learned to accept this. I have learned that this is me and that I do fulfill more than one role. My roles are a little girl for the most part when I am being “normal” me and when I need affection, to be nourished, cherished, and spoiled; a doll to be used and shown off; and a pet (bunny) to achieve another form of affection, strictness, and discipline, as well as to serve and submit in a more deeper form… and even to act, well, more pet-like. I would love to be leashed and to be guided around the house on my hands and knees crawling, or maybe even out in public minus the crawling (unless I was ordered). I don’t mind some of the harsher things I’m into that would seem too much for a little girl.
I am comfortable with this though and I no longer feel awkward, ashamed, or hesitant about anything; it’s natural.

Coming to Grips with My Little Side

Originally written in January 2013.

When I first discovered DD/lg, I was almost dipping my feet in the water. I read up on this type of relationship and fell in love with it, I felt that being babygirl fit me well. By nature I had interests my age that normal girls would’ve grown out of. I never thought much on it though, I’ve always seen myself as a child at heart. But when it came to the idea of age play, I really shyed away from it and set my boundary there. It’s not that I had anything against age players, I just couldn’t see myself acting like a little girl. I remember when Daddy started calling me “little girl” rather than “babygirl” and it would tug at that little girl in me. In the beginning, “babygirl” was my nickname from Daddy but it carried a whole other meaning than “little girl” did, and as I saw on Fetlife “babygirl” was a general term and typically used for either:
a. Non-ageplaying submissive babygirls.
b. AB/DL or very young littles.
Clearly I had seen it as "a". I felt that I had enough childish parts to my personality and interests that I felt almost guilty of.

I was ashamed that from 10-14 I still asked for Barbie/Bratz dolls for Christmas, I think towards 12 and 13 I stopped playing with them but just kept asking for them because I really admired them and loved dressing them up. At 16 or 17 I cried over the thought of giving away some of my favorite toys and that I was becoming “too grown up for them.” It got to the point that I actually went through some boxes and bags of give aways and had to rescue some of my most precious toys. Or how I still kept stuffies and always contemplated having birthday parties at Build-A-Bear; that and I still slept with my bear. If I was so ashamed of these things, why would I want to come to indulge in them?

As time went on, naturally I began to actually start indulging this little side of me. I hated to admit it and still refused to consider being an ageplayer and that I was only a babygirl who was naturally a bit more little-girly. There was something so satisfying about being treated like a little girl… Being my Daddy’s babygirl and being treated like that, it felt liberating. Even discussions became easier when Daddy started talking to me more as an adult would talk to a little girl; I think he strived to understand this side of me before I did.
One of Daddy’s biggest challenges for both of us was getting me to accept myself as I am and that included all my fantasies and parts of my personality or self that I was ashamed of and afraid to come to terms with. It was important that I learned to love myself and be proud of who I was. There was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing about myself to be ashamed of because it doesn’t matter what others think.

Meeting the little girl

Sometime last week Daddy and I had a playtime, it was a little different than most though. I can only recall a few times in our almost-2-year relationship. I regressed and it was rare if I did. Daddy says that those few times during playtime when it happens, my voice changes. From what He says it goes a pitch higher than what it normally is. He kind of just chuckled and proceeded to ask, “How old are you, little girl?” Without thinking I responded, “10”. At that point we both were surprised, normally we figured that my mild regressions were in the early teens 12-14. Okay so aside from playtimes I have had small regressions but never this young. Daddy knew exactly how to care for me though; it reminded me of the first time I reached little space during a playtime and Daddy basically “taught” me how to please a man. Back to the main story though, He didn’t say anything though, we actually didn’t discuss this until afterwards when He mentioned, “So… 10, huh?” He had an amused smile on his face and I knew he wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, but to look back and remember the feeling and come to grips with it. Something else Daddy pointed out was that I also tend to have an oral fixation when I regress; it’s funny because recently I started finding pacifiers cute and this would explain why. And with that I was afraid that maybe liking pacifiers would be going towards too young for Daddy but he didn’t mind. I don’t think he’s surprised by anything at this point.

So what’s she like, anyways?
• She loves dressing up. She loves looking her best for her Daddy. Maybe wearing cute babydolls one day and dressing up in short plaid skirts and flashing Daddy another.
• She’s curious. She strives to learn and understand. She enjoys Daddy’s teachings and informational discussion that we indulge in.
• She’s a nice combination of cute and innocent with a dash of naughtiness; guess that accounts for “spice” in “sugar, spice, and everything nice.” Some days she’ll act rather innocent where other days she’ll be a naughty little loli.
• She wants to be picked up and spun around sometimes.
• She wants to cuddle up in Daddy’s lap and be held in a tight and loving embrace. The kind that makes a little girl feel important.
• She’s shy and easily embarrassed.
• She likes to sing either by herself or with Daddy.

I could go on but then I feel I’d only be repeating traits that are shared with my normal self. I’m sure as I continue opening more and welcoming her that I’ll learn more about this side of myself.

How Did Your Daddy Train You?

I got this question asked to me by a new Daddy but because I’m on my phone and won’t have computer access until tomorrow, I figured I’d write a post to answer it. It’s a good question anyways.
I talked this out with my Daddy and we came to the conclusion that there really is no “how to” on training your submissive. This is because the training process is unique to each couple. Training is teaching your submissive about theirself and mending them to fit your needs. Maybe she you see potential in her and she needs that help from you to help her unleash. Or maybe she has self esteem problems, fixing those is also a part of training.
Think of training as an art and you are a crafter, perhaps a carpenter or potter. You are given a block of wood or clay and it’s your job to work with it to a desired result. Your submissive is your work of art or masterpiece. Your sub, the end result, reflects you; how well you were able to finish your masterpiece.
When Daddy met me I was a rough gem, I had the potential to be something beautiful but I needed to be worked on first. My training started in August of 2011, we were already 6 months into our relationship but because I was going through some personal issues at the time, Daddy wanted to wait and make sure that I was well enough to pursue my role as His sub. I was eager to learn and be train.
Our first task was teaching me pleasure, I didn’t quite know how to please myself. Before Daddy I had never had an orgasm before. We experimented with different techniques to figure out what worked with my body; after all, the body is an instrument and you have to learn it to create beautiful music. While exploring the physical part of pleasure, we had to dive a bit into my mind to unlock my hidden fetishes and fantasies. That has been a long term task though and even a year and a half later I’m still learning about myself. Along with discovering those things it was another task to help me to understand that it was okay to like taboo things.
Our other big task has been an ongoing one as well and that was dealing with insecurities and fixing flaws in my personality. Before I go on, I want to say that the flaws we had to fix were not just based on what he didn’t like, a lot of things were mutual. When training started I had a terrible self image and it was Daddy’s job to help fix that. One of my biggest insecurities was my pussy, I had thought something was wrong with me because it didn’t look “normal”; my folds peeked through my lips. I hated it. What made it worse is that an ex and a urologist I had been seeing commented on it. Even before official training, improving my overall self image was really important. I remember I was terrified of showing myself because I thought He would think it was ugly too. Needless to say, I was very wrong. With His help I have come to learn that I am not broken and that my body is not messed up, I see myself as beautiful; that’s not to say that I’m not shy about specific areas still or that I don’t have bad days.
As for personality flaws I mentioned, there were many… Flaws in thinking, bad habits, bad manners, and other things. We’ve had to learn how to fix those things so that I could become a better me that we both could be proud of, but more importantly, me. A lot of things were fixed through punishment, like talking back and being disrespectful in other ways. Remember that punishment should be about teaching your sub a lesson, physical punishments can (and should in my opinion) be complimented by explanations as to why what they did was wrong, depending on the issue of course.
I can’t say that training is done, there’s always so much more that I can learn, be introduced to, try, and so on. But what I can tell you is that Daddy is proud of me and Himself, we’ve come a long way. You can to if you talk with your submissive and figure out what they want to achieve and what you would like them to achieve. It takes two to tango so remember that she has to be willing to learn and discover new things, it shouldn’t be forced.