Friday, August 16, 2013

Coming to Grips with My Little Side

Originally written in January 2013.

When I first discovered DD/lg, I was almost dipping my feet in the water. I read up on this type of relationship and fell in love with it, I felt that being babygirl fit me well. By nature I had interests my age that normal girls would’ve grown out of. I never thought much on it though, I’ve always seen myself as a child at heart. But when it came to the idea of age play, I really shyed away from it and set my boundary there. It’s not that I had anything against age players, I just couldn’t see myself acting like a little girl. I remember when Daddy started calling me “little girl” rather than “babygirl” and it would tug at that little girl in me. In the beginning, “babygirl” was my nickname from Daddy but it carried a whole other meaning than “little girl” did, and as I saw on Fetlife “babygirl” was a general term and typically used for either:
a. Non-ageplaying submissive babygirls.
b. AB/DL or very young littles.
Clearly I had seen it as "a". I felt that I had enough childish parts to my personality and interests that I felt almost guilty of.

I was ashamed that from 10-14 I still asked for Barbie/Bratz dolls for Christmas, I think towards 12 and 13 I stopped playing with them but just kept asking for them because I really admired them and loved dressing them up. At 16 or 17 I cried over the thought of giving away some of my favorite toys and that I was becoming “too grown up for them.” It got to the point that I actually went through some boxes and bags of give aways and had to rescue some of my most precious toys. Or how I still kept stuffies and always contemplated having birthday parties at Build-A-Bear; that and I still slept with my bear. If I was so ashamed of these things, why would I want to come to indulge in them?

As time went on, naturally I began to actually start indulging this little side of me. I hated to admit it and still refused to consider being an ageplayer and that I was only a babygirl who was naturally a bit more little-girly. There was something so satisfying about being treated like a little girl… Being my Daddy’s babygirl and being treated like that, it felt liberating. Even discussions became easier when Daddy started talking to me more as an adult would talk to a little girl; I think he strived to understand this side of me before I did.
One of Daddy’s biggest challenges for both of us was getting me to accept myself as I am and that included all my fantasies and parts of my personality or self that I was ashamed of and afraid to come to terms with. It was important that I learned to love myself and be proud of who I was. There was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing about myself to be ashamed of because it doesn’t matter what others think.

Meeting the little girl

Sometime last week Daddy and I had a playtime, it was a little different than most though. I can only recall a few times in our almost-2-year relationship. I regressed and it was rare if I did. Daddy says that those few times during playtime when it happens, my voice changes. From what He says it goes a pitch higher than what it normally is. He kind of just chuckled and proceeded to ask, “How old are you, little girl?” Without thinking I responded, “10”. At that point we both were surprised, normally we figured that my mild regressions were in the early teens 12-14. Okay so aside from playtimes I have had small regressions but never this young. Daddy knew exactly how to care for me though; it reminded me of the first time I reached little space during a playtime and Daddy basically “taught” me how to please a man. Back to the main story though, He didn’t say anything though, we actually didn’t discuss this until afterwards when He mentioned, “So… 10, huh?” He had an amused smile on his face and I knew he wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, but to look back and remember the feeling and come to grips with it. Something else Daddy pointed out was that I also tend to have an oral fixation when I regress; it’s funny because recently I started finding pacifiers cute and this would explain why. And with that I was afraid that maybe liking pacifiers would be going towards too young for Daddy but he didn’t mind. I don’t think he’s surprised by anything at this point.

So what’s she like, anyways?
• She loves dressing up. She loves looking her best for her Daddy. Maybe wearing cute babydolls one day and dressing up in short plaid skirts and flashing Daddy another.
• She’s curious. She strives to learn and understand. She enjoys Daddy’s teachings and informational discussion that we indulge in.
• She’s a nice combination of cute and innocent with a dash of naughtiness; guess that accounts for “spice” in “sugar, spice, and everything nice.” Some days she’ll act rather innocent where other days she’ll be a naughty little loli.
• She wants to be picked up and spun around sometimes.
• She wants to cuddle up in Daddy’s lap and be held in a tight and loving embrace. The kind that makes a little girl feel important.
• She’s shy and easily embarrassed.
• She likes to sing either by herself or with Daddy.

I could go on but then I feel I’d only be repeating traits that are shared with my normal self. I’m sure as I continue opening more and welcoming her that I’ll learn more about this side of myself.

2 comments:

  1. This was very interesting to read and helpful. I am starting to discover my 'little' and alot of what you have said makes sense to me and helps. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. I understand completely how you must have felt. My littlie regresses back as far as the age 7 and up to the age 13. I was confused and a bit ashamed until I understood..........

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