Friday, August 16, 2013

Follow-Up Rant on Polyamory

Originally written July 11, 2013

While we’ve had this discussion countless times in the past, I feel having it again always serves a purpose. We discussed the idea of finding another man for me and what would be acceptable and not if I wanted to pursue that (but I expressed I have no interest in finding another man), why having another individual does not threaten Daddy, my double standard against men, the possibility of Daddy ever finding another girl and where that puts me. Each discussion has revealed that regardless of identifying as a polyamorous individual, I still cling tightly to some monogamous beliefs. These beliefs are harder to deal with because they’re deep rooted and until pointed out, they’re not discussed; most of these beliefs actually don’t have a real reason behind them. I can be asked why something is bad, and when I actually sit there and think about it to look for a reason, I can’t give a reason. We actually tend to run in circles on the topic a few times and I get really frustrated until I use my brain.

Another important reason for these discussions is to be open about thoughts and feelings we have based on the discussion. This isn’t exactly the easiest part of the discussion because thinking with emotions isn’t really logical and tends to makes things more touchy. I am insecure and the thought of Daddy finding another girl on the side terrified me. I got really emotional discussing this and even offended at times. But when asked why, I couldn’t give a logical answer because I was thinking solely on emotions.

As I think about this morning and what was discussed, I feel had I been in this mindset and not half asleep, I would’ve been able to carry a more mature discussion. I can think rationally. I realize why finding another individual does not harm either of us or come in between our relationship. Daddy is a picky man so it’s not like he’d bring in just any girl into the pack. And it’s not like He’d be bringing someone in because I can’t satisfy Him enough. People are different from each other, why can’t He love and enjoy me as well as someone completely different? There is no threat because you cannot compare the two together, it’s like comparing apples to oranges.

I think one of my largest issues when it comes to polyamory is applying my thoughts and beliefs on others; that just because I would think this way, that means Daddy does too. To be more specific, when I see myself with another person, I can’t see myself loving them as much as I love Daddy. So I apply that belief to the vice versa of the situation and end p realizing that that wouldn’t be the case for Daddy because unlike me, He can love two individuals the same amount but for different reasons. Or how I’m not sure how to equally divide my attention and I get afraid that Daddy wouldn’t how to either; that’s a baseless assumption though and I actually have anecdotal evidence that that’s wrong. Another one is placing my insecurities on Daddy and believing that Daddy is secretly feeling the same way, thus I feel afraid that I’d hurt Him. But that’s another one that I could easily prove wrong if I sat and think because Daddy is a very straightforward and honest individual. And just why it’s okay for me to have a playmate or bring someone else into the pack, but Daddy doing the same would not be okay is beyond me. Double standards are nasty little things but they can be dealt with.

Fear in polyamory tends to root in insecurities and that’s why I think these discussion are important. They’re like check-ups, you’ve had them before, but it’s always important to have them again in case something changes. Communication is key in any relationship but especially in a polyamorous family because if your partners. It’s important to deal with said insecurities before they get out of hand and cause problems.

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