Friday, August 23, 2013

“How do I find Daddy?”

A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

It’s a commonly-asked question and I've answered it several times but I felt this time making a more thorough response through a post would be more helpful. First off I’d like to say that I found my Daddy in the most unexpected way, by chance of two people with similar interests just happening to come across each other. I found my Daddy on Tumblr long before I was even aware of the DD/lg. But enough about me, this is a helpful guide anyways.

Where do I find a Daddy?
I think this question is a lot simpler than most people make it out to be. How do you meet anyone in the vanilla world? Most of the time you come across someone who interests you and you begin talking to them right? Well it’s the same for the BDSM community except there’s more to it (I’ll explain why in a bit). My first suggestion is through Fetlife or Tumblr. That’s right, I mentioned Tumblr because there is a large group of available Daddies on here who probably have a Fet too that you can get to know. Fetlife is easier though since there’s profiles involved and anyone looking for a serious relationship has a decent profile talking about their self, their experience, their interest, and what they’re looking for. Or maybe join a local group on Fetlife that does munches, it’s a great way to make friends and meet people (if you’re into social events revolving around the BDSM community), you might even be lucky and find someone who could potentially be the man you’re looking for.

How do I find the right Daddy? How do I know he’s serious about taking on this type of relationship?
So you’ve been looking around on Fetlife and maybe you’ve come across a single Daddy and his profile interests you so you decide to message him. The most important thing to keep in mind is to not rush it. If you try hopping straight into a relationship (of any kind) you’re going to make yourself look desperate and in the D/s world desperate subs are usually turned away from because it gives the impression they’re not serious. Talk to the Daddy you’re interested in; introduce yourself and say hi, and let him know you’d like to get to know Him better. This should be just like how you’d get no anyone first off, you don’t call someone you just a met a friend, do you? If He responds and asks you tell a bit about yourself then feel free to do so. And then see where your conversations go on from there.  I personally believe the best relationships form from friendships. Remember that the best things in life come when you least except it and aren’t looking and sometimes love is one of those things.

Things are going well and we’ve been talking for a while. He wants to meet in person, what should I do?
First off make sure that you feel comfortable with meeting in person. Do you feel you’ve got to know Him enough that you’d feel comfortable aroud Him in person? If you feel ready, congratulations! My suggestion is meeting in a public place first, maybe meet up with Him for coffee or maybe even attend a local Fetlife group munchie with Him. This ensures your safety and if you’re in a group, more conversations are bound to arise that will let you see just what type of person He is.

If right off the bat on that first meet he invites you to his place, trust your gut. If you feel comfortable enough and feel you can stand your ground (just in case) then go ahead. Set your boundaries and be sure that He is aware of them and respects them. If not then that’s your queue to leave and find someone else who is willing to respect you.

Things to look out for.
Fetlife is notorious for faux Doms and treating the site like it’s a flea market for finding Doms and subs. It’s your job to trust your instinct, guts, and make good judgement based on how the person acts around you and around others.
  • The Daddy who insists that you call him Daddy right off the bat. No. Daddy is title that is earned. Respect is earned. If he demands it this is your cue to either stand up for yourself or to turn away.
  • The sweet talker. Let me elaborate. There’s a boundary between friendly and too friendly. Some Doms will be over friendly to try and win you over and make you swoon over him. They’ll try to act like some God-send hero. Tread with caution around guys like these. Without even getting to know you they will say things like, “Sweet little girl, do not apologize to Me for anything; you are the one who needs to be held and stroked and loved so if there is some small semblance of a smile that I can possibly put on your face then I am delighted to do so.” And yes, I actually did get a message like that before.
  • The hoarder. Polyamory is fine and can be wonderful but there’s a difference between genuine polyamorous and hoarding. Hoarding tends to be when a Dom who keeps a ton of girls more than likely for his own benefit either for physical pleasure and maybe even an ego boost. More than likely having a number of devoted subs to him makes him feel more powerful and chances are, you won't even know about these subs.
  • The married man living, or trying to live, two lives. It’s shame that this even happens but it does. Sometimes kinky men are stuck in vanilla relationships and will come to Fetlife to find kinky girls. While they may not do it on purpose, they lead on the subs into thinking that the relationship is serious and going anywhere when in fact they’re married and keeping this a secret from you and the wife. This situation usually ends badly when the wife founds out. Guess who’s dropped in the end? You.

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