Friday, August 16, 2013

Learning My Place as a Submissive and Fitting Roles

When we look at D/s relationships, it’s clear that there are many “paths”: Daddy/little girl, Master or Owner/pet, Master/slave, etc; there are other but they’re more than likely just title changes than dynamic changes. Each path has its own known dynamics and rules but they’re not set in stone, if anything they’re guidelines for you to start off with. Roles and dynamics within different paths are interchangeable depending on the relationship. One doesn’t have to stick with a title, things can overlap and that’s perfectly okay. And I think today I’ve finally come to terms with that.
When I started off as my journey as a submissive with Daddy, I started off in a Master/pet relationship because other than Master/slave it was all I knew. I didn’t remain a pet for long though, somehow I came across this site and had realized that this was the type of path I wanted to pursue. I brought it up to Daddy and showed him the site and although he was hesitant at first (due to incest undertones) but accepted and took on the role. Daddy is not new to the lifestyle, before me and at the same time as being with me (this was when our relationship was still vanilla) he had a pet of his own (who was my sissy sub up until March of 2012); but Daddy had never been a Daddy prior to that… So this journey has been one that we’ve gone through together. When we did start taking on our roles, I came to really dislike the idea of ever having been a pet, mainly because I had seen extreme things of pet play and it didn’t appeal to me. I felt being a pet was degrading and had some sort of elitist mentality for a while about the different paths and titles, babygirls being at the top and slaves being at the bottom. I hated the idea of even carrying any sort of traits outside of babygirl ones because I didn’t want the dynamic to change. Part of my elitist mentality was due to my jealousy with kitten and I liked the idea of feeling superior to her but now we’re getting off topic. What’s important is that Daddy did his best to change that mentality over time and it worked.
But that was in the beginning and I was still learning a lot about myself and my roles.
As Daddy had put the journey,
Remember when I compared your training to slowly submerging you in a pool while holding your hand?
Well to an untrained, newbie sub, the lifestyle is foreign domain, something akin to a pool of murky water. It takes courage to dip even a toe into it.
Then  eventually, they work up the courage and take their first dive. Or well, they try to float on the surface, not yet knowing how to swim.
Then they sink deeper bit by bit, but the feeling of “alienness” remains. It’s still a world that one can dive into but not remain indefinitely. Something to emerge from every now and then for a breath of familiar air.
But you, little doll, you’ve reached the point where this world is no longer strange and alien.
In the past year I have observed myself grow as a submissive. I have watched myself learn what’s proper and what’s not by my Daddy’s standards. I have learned how to submit properly and how to serve properly, taking note and remembering what Daddy likes. But on the other hand, I have learned more about myself and my kinks, what things turn me on.I’ve found that a lot of things that I enjoy or interest me seem to overlap with other paths, like my fondness of pet play again. I have even found myself calling Daddy “Sir” at certain times. Back then, I would’ve been upset with myself but now I have learned to accept this. I have learned that this is me and that I do fulfill more than one role. My roles are a little girl for the most part when I am being “normal” me and when I need affection, to be nourished, cherished, and spoiled; a doll to be used and shown off; and a pet (bunny) to achieve another form of affection, strictness, and discipline, as well as to serve and submit in a more deeper form… and even to act, well, more pet-like. I would love to be leashed and to be guided around the house on my hands and knees crawling, or maybe even out in public minus the crawling (unless I was ordered). I don’t mind some of the harsher things I’m into that would seem too much for a little girl.
I am comfortable with this though and I no longer feel awkward, ashamed, or hesitant about anything; it’s natural.


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