Tuesday, September 10, 2013

FinDoms: The Nasty Word

In the two years that I've been a submissive, hearing or seeing the word FinDom has shown up a lot within the Tumblr community. I had heard nothing but bad things about it and this fed on to my beliefs and misunderstandings of the dynamic. It's also fairly taboo on Fetlife. I had a firm belief that it was as low as conning someone and toying with someone's emotions. I've very recently found myself growing an interest and curiosity surrounding the whole dynamic and what it entails.

For those of you who don't know, FinDom is short for Financial Domination. It's a branch of D/s dynamics that revolves around payments going toward the Domme. Each Domme does it differently but the idea is to own a slave or piggy who is willing to submit to you and pay you. You're probably thinking, "Who's stupid enough to do such a thing?" There are actually many men who consider this a real kink for them and do this for their own personal reasons - some men get off to the idea of being forced to pay, others feel a sense of satisfaction and self-worth for helping out their Mistress/Goddess/Princess. They want to see their Domme live as their title.

The relationship shared between a FinDomme and Her sub is unique to each. Contrary to what I originally believed, this is not about women forcing just any submissive man to pay them. After joining a FinDom site and reading the forums, I learnt that many of these women want to know their sub on at least a personal level. It's not about forcing every man to just pay up. There are both good and bad Dommes and while I can't speak for them all, it appears that many of them do want to earn the needed trust to carry on the dynamic. This is something that my Daddy doesn't quite understand and something that I didn't understand up until yesterday, we assumed that it was making helpless men pay and was a mockery of a true D/s dynamic.

You will find that many men crave to be humiliated and degraded in extreme ways. This includes public ridicule on blogs, comments in pictures, etc. Some men want more humiliation than others, that's something that's discussed between the Domme and sub. When I first came across it, I was disgusted by the treatment these men go through, but then it hit me that male subs (in general) tend to really be into this. As long as it's consensual between both parties, there's nothing wrong with it.

And while this may sound like easy money, if done correctly, it shouldn't be. This is not prostitution and it's not conning someone either (but it can be both). Not every  woman can be a FinDomme because not every woman can be a Domme, even in general terms. Not every woman can properly own someone. Owning a submissive is a big responsibility whether he is owned 24/7 or just when the Domme can.While money and humiliation play a large factor into this, the submissive's well-being should always come first. You have to realize that there will be times when the submissive will be sick, depressed, or stressed and may not be able to contribute as much as he normally can. This is when the nurturing and caring aspect of a Domme should come into effect.

So why is FinDom such a nasty word?
Because a lot can go wrong. The biggest issue is addiction. A Domme should also know when to put her greed aside. A submissive can become addicted to paying the Domme, just as people become addicted to gambling. I feel that while a Domme is taking money from the sub, it is important that periodically they both go over his financial state. This takes a lot of trust but I'm hoping that it's something that is done once a sub has been owned long term. Both parties are responsible for making sure the financial state is at a healthy level where he can still pay but also take care of himself and maybe even his family.

There's also the fact that some women may treat it as a true abusive relationship rather than a D/s one. There is a line where a Domme should not cross - hard limit exist for a reason. With financial domination, this issue becomes an add-on to the normal risk of abuse. There can be lies, manipulation, and blackmailing. The lies can be about anything such as the relationship status of the Domme, how many other subs there are, where his money is going, etc.

So why am I interested in this?
When I confessed to Daddy that I had an interest in this he gave me a disgusted look. I won't lie, the money is tempting and even more so now than ever - I have big plans for 2014 as well as expensive hobbies. Camming made me a decent amount of money when I did it regularly but I haven't up until now, which I'd like to get back into. But aside from the money, I've known for a while that I've wanted to gives in to my dominant urges and explore this side of me. I've been able to do so since June with my puppy but it's just roleplay, so it's not a true D/s dynamic. There are things that now interest me that don't interest him and I respect his limits.

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