Thursday, December 18, 2014

I'm His Forever

On Tuesday my collar arrived in the mail. Daddy unpacked it and we exchanged keys, since there were two and I'll need one for when I get back home. I'll explain more about that in another post, most likely a review post for the shop owner and future buyers.

Daddy had me kneel in front of the bed where He sat and he pulled me close. He gave a little speech about how I'm now His forever, I can't remember the exact wording but it was very sweet and he put the collar around my neck. After he locked it we shared a kiss and I got really emotional, so I ended up hugging him pretty tight and fighting back tears of joy.

Here are some pictures we took that night:


Monday, December 8, 2014

Anxiety and BDSM

I get a lot of questions from littles asking how they can take part in the lifestyle even though they have anxiety or past trauma that caused PTSD. While I know next to nothing about trauma, trauma therapy, and how to approach heavy triggers in BDSM, I can speak from experience with panic disorder.

While I can't speak for all littles with anxiety disorders, aside from panic attacks I get extremely insecure and paranoid. I'm constantly worried about my behavior around people: Am I too hyper that I come off as annoying? Am I too friendly that I come off as being fake? Are those people laughing at me or are they laughing about something else and I just happen to be walking past? Am I a burden to Daddy with my mental illnesses? What if people are only friends with me because they pity me? What if I get an attack while giving Daddy a blow job and throw up on Him?

As you can see I would be a girl that some men or women would call, "high maintenance". I need lots of reassurance, attention, and support. Not everyone can put up with mental illnesses, either because they have their own or because they lack the knowledge behind it and how to help. If you're not willing to put up with your little's "bad side" or mental health issues, you don't deserve them at their best.

As a Daddy or Mommy, your job is to care for you little in many different ways. When your little has an anxiety disorder or a history of trauma, more patience, understanding, and care is required. People have different coping methods for dealing with their anxiety and calming down. What may work for me may not work for others. You need to understand your little's symptoms and work with them to see how to nip the attack in the bus or calm them down after the peak.

Dealing with your little's anxiety in general:

A common idea for helping a loved one with anxiety is to simply be supportive. Remove your little from the situation or the trigger and tell them to take deep breaths (especially if hyperventilation occurs) and count slowly with each inhale. Talk to your little in a soothing and calming voice; avoid raising your voice as it may startle them more. Speak words of encouragement and positive messages such as, "Everything's okay. You're going to be okay and it will pass."

Do not tell them, "You have nothing to worry about." While this is a sweet (yet generic) statement, if the little has panic disorder, we known that we have nothing to worry about yet the attacks still come randomly. We don't choose to worry or have attacks. This statement is almost as bad as telling a depressed person, "You have nothing to be sad about. People have it worse than you." Everyone deals with stress differently.

Do not touch your little unless asked. I've heard this from friends who also deal with anxiety, hugging is a real hit or miss for calming attacks. Most of the time only a select amount of people can get away with hugging and a back rub without creating more of a sense of panic.

Never ever shame your little for having an attack or for asking for your help. It doesn't matter how small the issue is, just don't do it. You're supposed to make them feel safe, not shame them and make them feel worse for having something they have little to no control over. After I have an attack I feel mortified and want to cry, the last thing I need is for someone I love to give me a hard time and magnify those feelings.

Anxiety and the lifestyle:

Communication with limits and safe words are going to be your best friend. Whether you're into bondage, S/M, or D/s dynamic you and your partner need to have a safe word picked out. This is even more important with anxiety because that one word can stop an entire scene and bring on the needed (after) care. You can choose an overall word or have two: use one for something that's pushing their limit, and the other to signify that something in the scene is setting off an attack.

Take note of your little's body language and check in with them every so often, even if they haven't used their safe word. For some littles, there's some shame and embarrassment in using the safe word due to the fear of disappointing their Daddy or Mommy. Remind them that there's nothing wrong with needing to pause or stop a scene.

With bondage it's best to start of with small and simple ties. If your little is curious about bondage/shibari but has anxiety, work your way up until there is a level of comfort established. Start off with simple arm restraints and ask them how they feel. Have equipment near by such as a cutting utensil (especially for difficult ties) to undo them if your little begins to feel negatively restrained, frightened, or even uncomfortable.

It's very important to have safety equipment near by and your handy-dandy aftercare kit. Always be prepared.

Friday, December 5, 2014

A Year Later: Thoughts on CG/l instead of DD/lg

In the past year there's been a split between the DD/lg community. If you remember my immature post from last year venting about the name change, it has really caught on since then and a lot of newbies think that this is the correct and official term for the dynamic. However DD/lg has been around for a very long time and up until Tumblr's social justice community got a hold of it, there were no real issues with the name.

The most common reason I've seen for changing the name of the dynamic is to be more inclusive. While I do agree that to new comers, the name does sound restrictive but you would think that it's common sense that it includes everyone of every race, gender, and sexuality. Like I mentioned before, this dynamic is older than just the few years that it's existed on Tumblr. If you browse on Fetlife there are plenty of older Mommy Dommes and Daddy Doms as well as little boys and trans littles. Most of these folks (older adults) have never had a problem with it because it's common knowledge that the lifestyle includes everyone. Many members also oppose the name change because they feel it's pointless for the reason above. I feel like the only ones who seem to have a problem with DD/lg and commonly call people out for calling the dynamic that are people who expect the world to bend over backwards for them.

Unlike last year, I really don't have an issue with people calling the dynamic CG/l. I've gotten a lot of shit (and so have others) for wanting to stick to calling it DD/lg. The only issue I have with CG/l vs DD/lg is that the two are almost two different things now, but with the the similarity that the partner is more of a parental figure. It creates a lot of confusion meshing our dynamic (a D/s one) with lifestyle ageplay (a fetish), even though ageplay can exist without DD/lg and vice versa. And as a result of this there's a lot of misinformation spread that can harm littles and even Doms/Dommes. It creates room for false accusations of abuse due to a CG/l sub meeting a DD/lg Dom/Domme who is expecting a power exchange of some sort. A lot of people who identify as CG/l seem to be more into kinky sex, ageplay, and cute names but no D/s dynamic or power exchange, which is an important part of DD/lg. And there's really nothing wrong with that but for those individuals to bitch and preach at older members of the community about what DD/lg or CG/l really is are silly. Whether these individuals like it or not, DD/lg has been and still is a D/s dynamic.

My stand on it now though is if you feel more comfortable calling yourself CG/l, go for it. If you feel comfortable calling your dynamic DD/lg, go for it. If you want to call your dynamic something else more fitting then go right ahead. The bottom line is don't expect everyone to hop on your bandwagon just because you personally feel excluded, because that's no one else's problem but your own. No one should be shamed for calling the dynamic DD/lg if they want to.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Featured on Submissive Guide

I briefly mentioned this DDlgdoodles (a blog I run on Tumblr) that I was mentioned in a page of resources for DD/lg, ageplay, and AB/DL, not once but twice. As it turns out this blog was mentioned too.
DDLG Doodles: This tumblr page is filled with all sorts of awesome stuff including a lot of safety advice about different types of play. 
In Daddy’s Arms: A blog kept by an owned babygirl and submissive and her thoughts, experiences, and progress in her relationship.
-The Best Resources for Littles, Adult Babies, and Diaper LoversBy tequilarose on December 3, 2014

Pretty nifty, huh? And I do highly recommend checking out the full article because there are a lot of great resources out there, plenty that I didn't even know of.

I don't know how many lifestyle folks use Blogspot, I think Tumblr's pretty much #1 for the little community, but I know I get a lot of traffic on here via Google. I get a couple hundred views a day with people landing on my What is the DD/lg Dynamic? post either from people Googling DD/lg, similar phrases, or that page being linked by other littles on Tumblr. It's pretty cool to see that it's helped out a lot of people and as I continue to learn, I update it with new questions or touch up some paragraphs.

The rest of my blog is far more personal though so I was surprised to see my blog as a whole mentioned. In the past I used this blog as a back up in case my Tumblr was ever banned again because I didn't want to lose my entries again. My original DD/lg posts were rather strict and edgy, I have to admit. I touched up on a lot of topics in a militant way after being fed up with some of the misinformation being spread on Tumblr's little community. But as the year has continued, I've pretty much stopped using my main Tumblr to talk about my life with Daddy and kept it here. I've also kept my posts a lot more civilized so I guess I've matured in some ways. It's not that I don't want people reading my posts but I know most people who follow me on that Tumblr only follow me for my pictures or reblogs, so I don't want to spam their dashboards with personal posts.

I've been doing my best to update this blog more than I did last year. Especially with my trip coming up and my power exchange with Daddy shifting, there will be a lot to talk about in the upcoming weeks. We've discussed putting new rules in place for me. My rules have actually been around since the beginning of my dynamic with Daddy but we've added in things here and there. I'm expecting a big redo of it, but we'll see.

Part of me would like this blog to be more of a resource blog but I supposed that's why I created DDlgdoodles. I've cut down on posting there because I've been busy but I do want to do more guides, commissions, and cute & personal doodles. To those of you who read regularly or have subscribed to me, thank you. It means a lot. And the comments I get, I do read them and appreciate them. I have gotten some negative comments on other entries but I try to ignore them because I know it'll be like yelling at a well.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Deciding on a Collar Part 2

Daddy found a collar that He liked for me. We had a tough time deciding on one; my tastes were too plain, too obvious for a day collar, or his tastes didn't match up with mine. Ultimately the collar's look is His decision but He did want me to have a say on it.

We decided on a collar with an infinity symbol on it. I think we even get to choose the lock type we want for it, which will more than likely be a heart lock. I won't post a picture of it just yet because I'd rather post one once He has it and puts it on me. It's really cute though and I adore infinity symbols because it has a special meaning to me. It's a reminder that my place in His heart is forever and that I am His property forever.

He's going to order it soon and hopefully it'll be there by the time I arrive time I arrive or during the time that I'm there.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Deciding on a Collar

After four years of being together and three and half years of training, Daddy has finally decided that I'll be collared next month. We've actually discussed this several times in the past and it's been brought up that He wants to collar me, however He's always wanted to wait to do it in person. It would be more meaningful. I imagine it being the moment that I truly give myself to Him and we exchange power, even though I've said I would many times already.

I guess another big importance of it for us is that Daddy isn't big on marriage. He's actually opened up to the idea of marrying me, but it wouldn't be your typical Catholic wedding since neither of us are very religious anymore. But being given that collar is like receiving and engagement ring from Him... Just a much larger one.

We've looked around a bit but I've told Daddy that at the end of the day, the collar is His choice. Since I have my pink dog collar that's for play, I've opened up to the idea of having a metal day collar. We're having the hardest time deciding on the style of one. He wants something that screams me but is still within His budget, and not something that's too plain. I've told Him that until we're living together, a collar with a normal lock would be best and that we could create an official collar for me on Collar Factory, even though those aren't day collars.

Most of the ones I like are too plain for him but I like the simplicity, it leaves room for a special tag to attach to it.


                                                      From MockingbirdLaneWire

                                                          From RingofSteel

What we do know is that for the pendant or tag, W/we want "Dog Girl" engraved on it, and maybe have a few others to change here and there.

Being collared is something I've dreamed of these past few years. I've always wondered if I could have a little ceremony via Tinychat or with Daddy's friends that know. I imagine kneeling at his feet as he opens the box and unlocks the collar, putting it around my neck and securing it. I'm pretty sure that my face will turn red and that I'll cry because I'm very emotional like that.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Bordélyház

Welcome to The Bordélyház or The Whore House

[10/24/2014 10:45:01 PM] Daddy: Haha... Bordello, huh? Such a fancy name for a whorehouse...

If you follow me here or on Tumblr, you'll notice that I very proudly call myself a whore. As I have discovered myself more and explored my fantasies, I have a lot that most vanilla people would quickly brand me as "easy", "cheap", or "prostitute". One thing that's called my attention in the past year more and more is being whored out and auctioned at my Daddy's orders. While I would probably never really do this because I'd rather not end up in jail, the thought turns me on.

I suppose I really am a major weeaboo still but I have this scene in my head:

Daddy (I suppose he'd be Sir here) would have me along with all his other whores lined up, most likely in descending price range. I imagine us all wearing revealing maid attire and dolled up, the highest priced ladies in the fancier dresses. Elegant and cute, but still with some sex appeal.

"See, ladies and gentlemen, all our wares are properly trained for any household."

I would be the highest priced slave, typically used for show to entice customers but only being given to well-respected and wealthy customers.

Each morning before the brothel would open, we'd be lined up for inspection: inspection of our holes, our hygiene, our attire, etc. I could see Daddy walking around with a crop in hand, tapping our lower backs if we're slouching or against our chins, ordering us to lift up our heads and show respect.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Some changes to come

After years of curiosity and months of contemplation, Daddy and I have decided that starting in December (hopefully) I will be going through a change - I will be increasing the size and length of my clit.

I've been fascinated with futas since a young teen and envied them. This concept of maintaining a biologically feminine body but with a penis and sometimes balls really interested me. I was always curious about how it would feel to have a penis and to be able to penetrate another person. I think this curiosity is fairly normal in both sexes.

For the past year, every once in a while Daddy and I would fantasize about me having a cock. Many times humiliation would be tied in with it because I really like that. We were able to get away with this because I naturally have a large clit. It (the clit and hood) sticks out an inch between my lips and does become fairly stiff when I'm aroused. Before I met Daddy, I was actually very embarrassed of my clit's size as well as my labia, so it's nice to be able to embrace it the past few years.

Up until yesterday, I thought the only way to increase the size of one's clit was through hormone injections. I never wanted to go through that because I do not consider myself a man (or trans) and do not want the other intended side effects. But Daddy found out that there are topical creams that can be used and it will increase libido and the size of the clit by 2-3 inches.

We're going to be reading up on it more just to be safe, but we've read a couple successful stories with pictures included and it seems promising. Since DHT cream can't be shipped to the US, our goal is to have it shipped to Daddy's house and I can start using it while I'm there.

I'm Going to Spend Christmas with Daddy



Tuesday, August 19, 2014

How to Find a Good Daddy Dom/Mommy Domme?

I realize that I have a post on this already but I believe it's time to be redone.

In the past 3 years I've watched the DD/lg community thrive on Tumblr and I'm sure others that have been in the computer longer can say the same. With an increase of curious girls discovering their sexual interests, there has been an increase in "Daddy Doms", more commonly known as Tumblr Doms. A large amount of young men hop into the community calling themselves "Daddy" without having any real understanding of D/s and what it requires. The same can be said for the increase in newbie littles, but many of these men take advantage of lack of knowledge in young women and use it for their own sake. Fortunately there are a lot of great resources out there on how to pick out the good apples from the bad.

Where can I meet other people?
As the community has grown, there are a lot more places to connect with other littles and Daddies/Mommies.
  • Fetlife:
  • Ageplay Personals - You may or may not find Daddy/Mommy Doms/Dommes in this group. I say this because ageplay and DD/lg are slightly different, and not every ageplayer is looking for a Dom when they look for a Daddy or Mommy. But you can definitely find friends or playmates in here.
    Daddy - lil girl/babygirl Personals
    Daddy Doms/Babygirl submissives
    Daddy Doms and Babygirls
    Daddy ~ girl Relationships
    To view these groups you will need to join Fetlife. Make your account and fill out your profile. Make sure you talk about yourself and what you're looking for. Aside from the groups mentioned above, join groups that are centered around your city or a large city around you. Munches and events are a great way to meet people and learn new things.
    *Please note that personals posts should only be posted in personals groups. If it's posted outside of those, your post may be seen as spam and deleted.
    Fetlife is strictly for 18+.
     
  • Reddit:
    /r/littlespacepenpals
    /r/littlespace
    /r/littlepersonals
    /r/bdsmpersonals
    All of the above are strictly 18+
  • Facebook:
    Facebook - DDlg Playground (Not a personals group)
    Strictly 18+
  • DDlgforums.com - A DD/lg (CG/l or Big/little) friendly forum for Bigs and littles of all kinds to make friends, discuss topics, and talk about their relationships. This site is minor friendly ans SFW.

Have an idea of what you're looking for.
  • Do you want someone to care for you but are not interested in submitting or a power exchange? You may be a bottom (if you only want to submit at certain times) or an ageplayer. Ageplayers are very similar to littles but aren't always interested in a D/s dynamic because of the power exchange.
  • Do you want someone to help you explore your interests and fantasies, as well as explore with them?
  • Does the idea of giving yourself and your control over to another person excite you and make you happy? 
  • How much control are you willing to give to your Daddy?
  • Do you want a strict Daddy/Mommy or a lenient one?
  • Do you want servitude or a 50s household to be part of your relationship?
  • Are you into AB/DL? Then you'll want a Daddy/Mommy who is open to this kink.
  • Have you figured out what your limits are? Do you want someone with similar limits or are you open minded but want someone who respects your limits?
These are important questions to ask yourself before even looking for a Daddy/Mommy.

Do your homework.
Read as much as you can. Read books, read well-known blog posts, check out reputable websites. Read about what defines and makes a submissive and what that role may entail. Read about different types of Doms/Dommes and what to expect from them and what responsibilities they should have. Get ideas of what rules you'd like to have in your life. Read about safety regarding anything that you're interested in.

Soak up as much information as you can.
What makes a Dom different from a top or a kinkster?
 The answer is that a top is someone who enjoys dominating during sex or during scenes, but a Dom/Domme is someone who does it beyond the bedroom or special occasions.  A Dom owns another person and that in itself a very large responsibility and it's a lifestyle. If you're looking to commit your life with someone else and want DD/lg to be a part of your life, you want a Daddy/Mommy Dom/Domme. If you want someone just here or there or someone for the bedroom, you want a top or a partner into kinky sex with roleplay.

What makes a good Daddy/Mommy? How can I spot a predator?
When looking for a Daddy/Mommy, you should be aware of what makes Dom/Domme different than abuser. What qualities should a Daddy/Mommy have? What should you expect?
Well here are the basics:
This isn't all though, there's so much more that makes a good Dom/Domme and even more to make a good Daddy/Mommy. I advise reading What Makes a Good Daddy/Mommy or you can read Qualities of A Successful Dominant.

Aside from having certain qualities, it's very important for a Daddy/Mommy to have knowledge in other things such as safety, how to care for another person, and knowledge in things that interest them or their little. Experience is important and comes in time, no one is born knowing everything. Check out this list, - 10 Things That New Dominants Should Know. When looking for a Daddy/Mommy, make sure that they're aware of  these things. It's not a bad idea to hear from their past submissives either.  If they have nothing to hard, they should have little to know problem telling you how to get a hold of these people through Fetlife or some other website. There's no shame in asking questions for your safety or sating your curiosity and there's also no shame for new Daddies/Mommies to ask questions from more experienced Dominants.

As I mentioned above, abusers are every where in BDSM, from hunting down dungeons to find newbies, to online and hunting for vulnerable people. It's easy to prey on newbies because most of them are curious and just beginning their adventure. They don't have enough knowledge yet on the lifestyle and it holds. Know your enemy.

Here are some things to consider:
  • If someone demands your submission from the beginning, they're not a Dominant.
  • If a Dom/Domme needs to win you over through luxurious or frequent gifts, then they are not a Dominant, they're a Sugar Daddy or a pimp.
  • If they need to use fear or manipulation to make you submit, they're not a Dominant, they're an abuser.
*Does the Dominant use expensive gifts to get you to do something you honestly don't want to do?
* Does the Dominant restrict you from having friends over or going over to see your friends?
* Does the Dominant threaten to leave you whenever you tell him or her that you don't want to do something?
* Does the Dominant make you feel guilty if you can\'t or wont do something?
* Does the Dominant restrict you from contact with your family?
* Does the Dominant get upset with you when you try and talk about the problems you are having?
* Does the Dominant ever make you feel as if you are not good enough or that you can be easily replaced?
* Does the Dominant ignore your medical or physical needs (this does not include the inability to see to these needs due to financial difficulties)?
Longer list can be found at the-iron-gate.com at Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants

What are questions that you can ask the Dom/me? The following questions were provided by my Master as ones He would like a sub to ask Him.
  • What does SSC stand for? This is the cornerstone of BDSM, and S/he should be able to answer this (even if S/he professes to follow RACK instead, he should still be able to answer this, and give you a discussion of the differences in theories).
  • What is his/her training style? How does s/he intend to adjust it to your personality?
  • What is the job/ purpose of the sub?
  • What is the job/ purpose of the Dom?
  • If s/he was to use an implement on you, how would s/he gauge how hard s/he was hitting you?
  • How does s/he tell if you’ve had enough or reached your limit (physically or mentally)?
  • Does s/he use safe words?
  • If you are going to be intimate, would s/he be willing to be tested for STI’s and provide you with the paperwork?
  • What is aftercare?
  • How does s/he intend to handle sub drop if it happens several days later?
  • What are some munches and parties s/he has attended? Is s/he willing to give you the names and contact information of the organizers?
-Quoted from SubmissiveGuide by nan {SL}

1) Any man who can get off for more than a minute on the erotic image of female as whore is not instantly a Dominant.

2) Any man who finds it just impossible to entertain the idea of treating a woman like a child is not a Dominant.

3) Any man who is obsessed with “sharing his sub” is very questionable at best.

4) Any man who rants and rails about his needs, his wants, his desires, and tells submissives that they really ought to be just overjoyed to attend to his every want without regard for her own needs, wants, and desires is not a Dominant.

5) Any man who spends too much of his time denying the concept of vulnerability in a relationship, insisting that the submissive has just as much “power” as he’s got, is not a Dominant. He doesn’t want responsibility and he doesn’t even want to believe in the possibility that some responsibility might exist.

6) Any man who believes that he can ‘make’ a woman like whatever he wants her to like is not a Dominant.

7) Any man who believes that submissives are interchangeable is not a Dominant.

8) Dominants don’t have particularly fragile egos. They may get angry as hell with something that someone may have said, but they don’t spend any significant amount of time in internal anguishing about it. Men with severe emotional problems or personality weaknesses should not be trying to control someone else.

9) A man who would ‘contrive’ an occasion of punishment is not a Dominant. Dominants don’t have to “set things up” that way. They can use real experiences as real justifications for real actions.

10) Any man who can’t handle a submissive’s emotions is not a Dominant.

11) Any man who has lots of “slaves” is not a Dominant.
-Quoted from IdahoBDSM by COUNtess VelVEEta

Another way that you can tell a Daddy from an abuser or horny net geek (HNG) is through The Acid Test. You can easily find this on Google through many different people, but here is one: BDSM: Acid Tests for True Dominants by Dr. Spankenstein 
When in doubt, trust your instincts and use your brain.

Know your Submissive Bill of Rights:
  1. You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word “submissive” describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
  2. You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness. 
  3. You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender. 
  4. You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else’s. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later. 
  5. You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns.Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn’t feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don’t like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable. 
  6. You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it’s your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES. 
  7. You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn’t, then something is wrong.
  8. You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn’t include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
  9. You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they “belonged” for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It’s in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of “belonging” at last.
  10. You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn’t fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don’t settle for less.
  11. You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it’s up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed.
  12. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help. 
  13. You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it’s a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart. 
-Quoted from IdahoBDSM


Communicate:
You should always start off by introducing yourselves and stating what you're looking for. Okay, maybe you can do that after a proper introduction and seeing if they seem like they have potential. Tell them about your experience or what you'd like to learn. Ask them how long they've been a Daddy/Mommy, how many subs have they previously owned, what knowledge and experience they have in different forms of play.  Ask them what they're willing to learn and what they're looking for and see if these things are compatible. Discuss your limits - what are your hard limits and what are you curious about but lack experience in?

Get to know each other beyond the lifestyle. A good relationship of any kind starts from similar interests, and if you're looking for a partner to have a romantic relationship too, this is essential. As I've said in the past, I personally believe the best relationships form from friendships.

 Meeting in Person:
Always meet in a public place, I cannot express this enough. Meet at a public restaurant or at a local munch for your safety. You are never obligated to go to someone's house upon the first time that you meet them unless you're comfortable with it. No matter what, your safety should be your #1 priority.

You are also not obligated to submit upon meeting for the first time, nor do you have to be involved in a scene. It takes trust to engage in play with someone or submit. You wouldn't just let any one tie you up or beat you just because they talk the talk. You both have to build a connection and a foundation of trust. Anyone that demands your submission from the first few chats or first few meetings is not worth your time. They're more than likely searching for a quick way to get their penises hard and fulfill their fantasies.

Other resources for you:
A list of books to check out courtesy of Fortheloveofasub 

Sunday, August 3, 2014

How to make your own tails and tail plugs

Please feel free to click the images to read them better.




These are prone to change in the future as I experiment more and (hopefully) find better techniques.
Resources:
For the basic lowdown on tailplugs, caring for them, and safety please see this post.
How to do running stitches.
Similar way to make a bunny tail if you're not going to attach it to plug
Guides on using wefts
Where to buy plugs like the ones pictured*:
Eden Fantasy: [1] [2] [3]
Love Honey: [1] [2] [3]
*Anal beads work well too.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Looking back on the past 3 years

The anniversary of my training is approaching. It’s hard to believe I’ve been in this dynamic with Daddy for 3 years now. I look back at myself and it’s almost like an entirely different person. I was extremely sexually repressed and ignorant.

As I’ve mentioned before, it was 6 months into the relationship before our dynamic was established. I had just left an abusive relationship and started dating Daddy only a few weeks after that. I guess you could say I’m hasty, and this wasn’t the first time I’ve jumped from one relationship to another, but I can say that I’ve never consciously done it to get over someone or make the other person jealous. Anyways, Daddy wanted to make sure that I was emotionally stable enough to pursue a D/s dynamic and that I wasn’t using him as a rebound. It’s a good thing that we waited those 6 months because I was going through a lot in my personal life.

I remember I was beyond eager to be owned, but I have to admit that I didn’t know shit about the lifestyle. I didn’t read up on anything about it until I joined Tumblr and Fetlife when my training started. So before that, I was romanticizing a concept that I had only seen in hentai (all the education) and done in roleplay.

Before my training had started, we did talk about our perversions and sexual interests; all that fun stuff. He dismissed a lot of misunderstandings I had about D/s due to my past relationship. He explained what it means to be a Dom (everything that my ex wasn’t), I knew I wanted something more than just bedroom thrills.And then it happened:
I've been intentionally refraining from treating you as my pet up till now, but it seems you are more than eager to be one... What do you say? Shall we give this collar its proper meaning?

Pursuing a DD/lg dynamic was new to both of us. Daddy was already a Master to a kitten (our ex) and our original intent was for me to also be in an Owner/pet dynamic. Despite the fact I had called Him "Master" a few times in the past, I wasn't very comfortable with it. It sounded to formal and unloving. Yes, I was biased against that title and even Master/slave dynamics.

I remember I followed this girl on my normal Tumblr, I think her name was kittyrot, and she called her Dom "Daddy". At first I was weirded out by it until I did some reading, I found out that she was in a dynamic (at the time) called Daddy Dom/babygirl. As I read what it meant to be a babygirl, I found that it fit me to a T. I shared the link with Daddy and asked Him if I could call Him that. He was hesitant at first but eventually agreed to it and it grew on Him.

It's kind of funny when I look back because I was the type of person that current-me would be throwing links at and go on about safety, precautions, etc. But I have to say, I'm glad that we took it slow. Daddy has told me that He saw potential in me from the beginning and wanted to start training me sooner, but He was worried about His well being and mine. It goes to show that He was patient enough to make sure that I was okay before taking this new step, because let's be honest, power exchanges are nothing to take lightly.

Monday, July 28, 2014

A Guide to Tailplugs


What  are buttplugs made of? What types of lube can be used with them?
  • Rubber - Water-based lube
  • Latex - Water-based lube
  • Silicone - Water-based lube
  • Glass - silicone lube, water-based lube
  • Steel - silicone lube, water-based lube
  • Wood - silicone lube, water-based lube
It’s best to avoid rubber toys since they tend to be cheap but if you’re looking for a beginner buttplug to start off with it and you’re low on money, they’re not a bad option. Just be aware that they’re not as sanitary as the other options even when properly washed. Rubber is a porous material so it’s easier for bacteria and chemicals to get trapped in these pores.
Never use silicone-based lube on silicone toys. The lube will eat away at the material and create pores that ruin the toy and make it harder to clean. Most silicone toys aren’t that cheap either so it’s not worth the fuss.
Safety:
If you see a plug made in China there’s a chance they are not phthalates-free which means you should avoid at all costs.
Avoid lubes that contain anesthetics. While you may think that having something that will numb you will make it easier to take the plug, it can be dangerous in cases of accidental injury.
If you’re having a tough time taking the plug, do not force it in. Use plenty of lube and work it in gently. If you’re feeling pain or it just won’t go in, there’s a chance that you have a toy that’s too big for you and you may want to work your way up with fingers or beginner plugs.
Always wash your plugs after each use. Anti-bacterial soap and warm water will do just fine with water-based lubes, other lubes may require a bottle of a toy cleaner.
For more information please visit TheHealthyBear.
Where to buy tailplugs?

Different Types of Collars and Their Meanings



What is collaring?
Collaring is the moment that shows that a sub has completed their training and their relationship with their Dom has been taken to a new level. If you can think of consideration and training collars as engagement rings, the ownership collar is similar to a wedding ring. Sometimes ceremonies are held by the Dom to celebrate this moment.

For more information on collaring ceremonies and examples of how to plan one, please click here.

Just as Doms earn a sub's submission through love and trust, a sub earns their collars through their hard work and devotion.

Types of collars:
  • Posture collars
  • Dog collars
  • Leather collars
  • Ribbon collars
  • Metal collars
  • Discreet/day collars
  • Bracelet or anklet collars
  • Rings
  • Branding, scarification, and tattoos

Collars and their meanings:
Different collars have different meanings. When you hear "collaring", you tend to think of the ownership (mentioned below) but there are other ties when collars may be worn:

Posture Collar - You've probably seen these collars in pictures, they tend to be fairly large and cover up most of the neck. They are worn to for fun, as a fashion statement, or a way to restrict neck movement and enhance posture.
Play collar - These collars are very commonly worn during scenes and tend to have no significant meaning behind them. Play collars are typically dog collars, leather collars, or ribbon collars.

Protection collar - This is when a Dom wants to show that a submissive is protected and is commonly used in dungeons or kinky house parties. This lets other Doms know that while this sub is not owned, they are not are free to touch or approach. These collars are typically dog collars or leather collars.
Consideration collar- This is one of the first steps in showing advancement in a D/s dynamic. It signifies that the submissive is being considered for a long term relationship or ownership, however, it is normally worn for an agreed on amount of time and can be revoked for any reason. These collars tend to be leather collars*.
Training collar - This type of collar shows that a submissive is currently being trained by a Dom. It gives a taste of the power that the Dom has over the sub. These collars tend to be leather collars*.

Ownership collar (also known as a formal collar or slave collar) - This is not to be taken lightly, it is the equivalent of giving/receiving a wedding ring and shows that the submissive is owned. An ownership collar is earned after a sub has completed their training or deemed worthy of being kept long term. This means it could be years before a sub receives an ownership collar. These collars can look like anything from a leather dog collar, to a metal collar (most commonly seen), to a symbolic piece of jewelry (a bracelet, anklet,  necklace, or ring). Some Doms even prefer to tattoo or brand their sub, this is more commonly done in the Master/slave dynamic and Gorean lifestyle. It’s completely up to the Dom and sub.

*If worn out public, these collars can be substituted with a day collar.









The meaning behind the collar should not be a game of guess work, especially ownership collars. If you have to ask yourself if the collar you're wearing signifies that you're owned, then it's probably not an ownership collar. When a Dom gives you a collar they will (or should) tell you the meaning behind it and discuss any questions you may have regarding it. As for the type of collar given, it's not the look of it that matters but the bond and meaning behind it.

Proper etiquette  and collars:
If you're a Dom and you see a sub with a collar, you should avoid trying to make advancements of any sort unless you've talked it out with their Dom. Some Doms even require that you speak to them before even approaching or conversing with their sub. Do not disrespect the relationship or the Dom's ownership.

If you're a sub and wearing a consideration, training, or ownership collar you should not take off your collar (assuming it's not locked or you have access to the key) without your Dom's permission. Taking it off during arguments is considered rude and disrespectful.
Where to buy collars?
Collars can be bought at local dungeons by vendors and crafters. You can also find those same people on Fetlife through meets, munches, and networking. However, you can buy collars online as well.
External links for more information on collaring:
Collars and Their Meanings
The Impact of Velcro Collars on the Symbolism by lunaKM
What It Means to be Collared by LadySneak
The Ring and the Collar by tequilarose

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

What Makes a Good Daddy/Mommy?

Contrary to popular belief, a Daddy/Mommy is like any other Dom/Domme. While their roles might be slightly different from Masters/Mistresses,  their goals for the submissive are very similar in terms of growth and guidance. There's a popular belief that Masters/Mistresses are not and cannot be loving a gentle like Daddies/Mommies and I have to admit that I'm guilty of believing this in the beginning of my journey.
This is the truth:
Diagram taken from Romantic-ds.

What qualities make a good Dom/Domme?
A good Dom/Domme...
  • Should be educated in the lifestyle and their interests (especially if sadomasichism is involved). This means that before owning anyone or participating ina nything, they should be reading up a lot on D/s dynamics, power exchanges, and even saefty. There's no shame in asking questions or attending classes on safety regarding bondage or impact play. Remember that your journey with your submissive is endless learning for both of you and things will need to be adjusted overtime. Knowledge is power.
  • Should respect limits, safewords, and be courteous of consent (or lack there of). Don't be this guy, this is exactly what an abuser looks like. BDSM is all about, "Safe, sane, and consensual". Print out or create limit checklists. Here are some examples to consider: 1, 2. Both of you should fill them out and then discuss them afterwards.
    No
    will be your hard limits. This means that no matter the circumstance or person, you are not interested in these in any way.
    Maybe
    will be things that you’d consider in the future given the right training, person, or circumstance. For example, you could be interested in suspension bondage but you and your Daddy lack the proper knowledge to tie sturdy knots and know how to make sure you’re safe. Or if your Daddy is interested in anal sex and you’re scared but willing to try it out in the future, then that requires you to overcome the fear and begin anal training with small butt plugs and move on to gradually larger ones.
    Yes
    will be things that you both are interested in and you have no second thoughts about.
  • Should realize that D/s is not about being a control freak. While a Dom/Domme can own someone and have a TPE with them, the dynamic is not about simply bossing around. There is a difference between Dominating and controlling in an abusive way. Remember that the amount of control between you and your submissive is discussed and agreed upon by both of you. 
  • Being a Dom is also not about getting your dick sucked or fucking someone whenever you please; see #DDlg tag on Tumblr and check out those Kik Daddies. If you think that's what it's about then stick to your BDSM porn and your hand or roleplay online.
  • Should think of their sub's well being. Ownership is exactly what it sounds like and if you choose to own someone, it's a huge responsibility.
  • Does not need to use manipulation or scare tactics to make someone submit. Submission is a gift and is earned, it's not forced. If you need to force yourself on someone else or use threats then you're clearly not ready to be a Dom/Domme.
  • Does not lie. D/s is all about trust. How can you expect to gain someone's trust if you can't even be honest?
  • Has realistic expectations.
  • Knows the difference between fantasy and what's possible in real life.
  • Is Understanding.
  • Understands subdrop and how to provide aftercare.
  • Knows the difference between punishment and abuse.
  • Does not let their anger decide on the punishment.
So what about Daddies and Mommies?
Like I mentioned above, the roles of a Daddy/Mommy and other Doms/Dommes is a little different. Romantic-ds, again, puts it excellently:
Littles (in the D/s sense) are a type of submissive. What makes them different from other submissives is that they tend to be ‘younger’ mentally, which is why they are looking for a very fatherly/motherly, softer Dominant. This is probably also why a lot of them are a bit childlike, why they prefer cute childish things and are into age play.
So as you can see, because of this, Daddies and Mommies cater to a bit more that Masters would have to. There is both an inner child and a big that needs to be dealt with in littles.

 A good Daddy/Mommy...
  • Should understand their little's interests and needs. Be aware of what their little side needs. Maybe it's extra cuddles, or a little date, etc.
  • Should not belittle their little because of their younger interests. Your job is to help embrace their inner child and make them feel safe in little space. There is no need to shame them for having an interest in coloring or likes to collect plushies.
  • Does not message owned littles and provoke them. Respect ownership, you are not only insulting the little but the Daddy as well. A submissive does not stop, drop, and roll at whatever new guy comes along and orders them to do so.
  • Provides reasonable rules that make the little happy and ensure their safety.
  • Does not need to flaunt their fantasies on every picture they reblog. Posting, "Mmm Daddy would love to spank your ass bright red," does not impress me much.
  • Does not overspoil their little. You do not need to overspoil your little, this can create behavioral problems and entitlement in the future, just like it does with real children. If your little demands a reward for every little good thing that they do, it gives the impression that you've lost control and that they hold control over you (and this is a form of manipulation).
  • Does not force their little to regress to an age that they're not comfortable with.
I realize that I've referenced and addressed a lot of issues that are seen commonly on Tumblr by so-called Doms and Daddies, but understand that these people are real and think highly of themselves.

Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is a hard concept for me. I understand it but I'm rarely capable of it during extreme situations. Perhaps it's because I have a hard time forgetting things and I tie the two things together, despite the fact that Daddy insists that they're two different things.

Daddy and I are not a perfect couple, but then again no couple is. Daddy has hurt me in the past with words and actions, often times letting his anger get the best of him. Both of us are rage machines. Have I forgiven him? I'd like to say yes, I mean I don't think about these offenses on a daily basis and hate Him... But when I do remember it during an argument, I have a bad case of bringing up the past and holding it over His head. Daddy is nothing like that though.

When kitten was still around, I had a really hard time forgiving her after she cheated on Daddy. What bothered me the most about it was her pathetic excuses for cheating, that made no sense. And while I didn't personally know the other Master that she was involved with, when approaching him to get the full story, I was told that she told him that she wasn't owned and had never been owned. At that point Daddy and kitten had already been together for a year and were very much a Master/pet dynamic so it really pissed me off. I saw it as a slap in His face, their relationship, and their power dynamic. So when she came back, I had a very hard time trusting her and forgiving her. As a matter of fact, I never trusted her again and it's a good thing I didn't.

My point is, while Daddy was able to forgive her and give her another chance, I was extremely wary. I just couldn't find it in myself to forgive her and let my guard down anytime I remembered what happened. I can recall a past friendship where I was stabbed in the back by my best friend and it took me a year or two to stop hating her and talk things out. I hold grudges and I hate it.

So now I find myself in a situation where I need to forgive myself and I can't. I realize that beating myself up over what happened is not healthy, and like my friend said, it creates an endless cycle. It's counter productive. I just can't find it in myself to forgive myself. Why should I pretend what I did was okay and move on? Because I know that it was not okay, I saw how it hurt Daddy, our relationship, and even me. How am I to let go over guilt and live with my mistakes?

Sex Drive Rant

My sex drive is not what it used to be but it's getting better slowly. It's just... When you go from wanting sex every day (and sometimes multiple times a day) to suddenly not wanting it, it's foreign. As I explained to my friend yesterday, I'm at a point where I could go the rest of my life without sex and be fine with it. I very rarely feel horny these days and there have been a few times when I mentally want sex, but my body says no. It's frustrating when you're rubbing your clit and it's not as sensitive as it used to be and you don't get wet.
Thankfully I see my psychiatrist on Friday (it's been 2 or 3 months) and I can bring this up to her and see what can be done. I'm currently at very low doses of both of my medications so I'm puzzled as to why this is happening. Not only that but I've been on one since 2012 and the other since October of last year. I've never had problems with my sex drive with either but it's completely possible.

Daddy insists that it's fine but I worry about Him. Our relationship has never been solely based on sex but it was very important to both of us. Sex has always been more than "I'm horny, help get me off," it was our way of expressing our love and lust towards each other and becoming one, so to speak. So when I see that He's horny and I have no interest in playing, I feel bad about it. It's in my nature to want to care for him and please him. I'm sure if we were living together I'd have no problem giving Him blowjobs and handjobs, or hell, even letting him have vaginal sex with me. It's just that there are times when I try and I can't get wet enough or I'm not feeling pleasure from it, and Daddy insists that it's not fun if I'm not enjoying it.

There have been days when I've been extremely frustrated and just said, "Fuck it. Might as well just accept the fact I'm practically asexual now." I've heard of stories of asexuals having sex for their partner's benefit, but neither of us would want me to force it.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Punishment Writing Prompt

Supposedly the topic this writing assignment is to serve as a punishment and to have me reflect on my actions (not that I haven’t done that on my own) from a month ago. To be frank, I see it as a scarlet letter that’ll be placed on my blog. I'll just get it out of the way, I cheated on Daddy last month.

I guess I should start with some back story about me and my relationship. Before Daddy came along, I had been in a lot of relationships in the past, most of them being completely non-sexual but I always found myself having a hard time staying faithful. The issue was typically that I fell for another person while dating someone and then had to choose. Of course I was a big hypocrite because I hated to be cheated on, and that’s exactly what happened to me in my past relationship, which lasted 3 years.

Daddy and I have been together for 3 and a half years. From the start it was stated that He is polyamorous and that he had a girlfriend already. I worked with this though and we became a triad. I had no problems staying faithful to Him… Actually I can recall one time (in the beginning) that my feelings resurfaced for another ex, but I was completely honest about it and didn’t let my feelings get the best of me. Other than that, I had no real interest in other guys. I found that polyamory could help me though; I mean, now I had the opportunity to be honest about falling for someone else (if it happened) and to discuss it with Daddy. And there were a couple times that I fell for someone else and I was always honest about it and brought it up, and I was never scorned for it. Our rule was to be honest and open about our feelings.

Over the years I’ve come to learn and believe that Daddy didn’t quite care who I played with as long as He gave permission and deemed the other person safe. W/we talked about sharing me with His friends and my own friends. I rarely saw Him feel jealousy towards another person unless He felt threatened. In the past 3 years of U/us being together, I've been sexually involved with 4 people, not counting the ones I'll be mentioning below.

A few weeks ago my best friends and girlfriend all came to visit. There were 5 of us. Before the week when everyone arrived, Daddy had been teasing me about ordering me (with my consent) to tease my friends or to have me passed around and be fucked by them. The thought really excited me but also made me a bit shy.

When Little Miss and her Daddy arrived, it didn’t take us long to make it to the bed to fool around. Because Little Miss is my girlfriend, I already had permission to play with her but eventually I asked permission to tease her Daddy, after Little Miss brought up the idea. I was given the okay:
[6/5/2014 12:49:41 AM] Kurva: Would it be okay if I join Misty in teasing Cliff? >_>
[6/5/2014 12:49:53 AM] Daddy: If you want to.
[6/5/2014 12:50:19 AM] Kurva: I just wanted to check with you first.
However, I fucked up at this point; there was a serious issue with communication and assumptions. I went past teasing and fucked her Daddy. Despite the fact that the idea had been discussed prior to all this, I never specifically asked permission to do anything more than tease him. Daddy was not pleased, but I was left confused. It made no sense to me to have to be like "Hold on, need to ask permission" every time I want to move on to another base.

The result of my actions was this:
[6/5/2014 11:03:50 AM] Kurva: Am I still released?
[6/5/2014 11:06:13 AM] Daddy: Yes.
[6/5/2014 11:06:34 AM] Kurva: Is that what you want?
[6/5/2014 11:07:07 AM] Daddy: You cannot be trusted.
[6/5/2014 11:07:24 AM] Daddy: So do whatever you want, I won't stress over it anymore.
The next day my other friend arrived, we'll call him A. We are extremely close and long distance cuddle buddies. I've always thought A was pretty good looking but was never sexually attracted to Him or felt anything past platonic feelings toward him. However, when I picked him up from the airport for the firs time, things completely changed. As I later explained to Daddy:
Kurva: I've never thought about doing anything with him up until the being passed around fantasy.
I asked for permission one night about teasing him and got the okay. It went further though, a lot further to be more specific. I fucked A, not once but 6 times throughout the week he stayed over. I can't even recall why I did it at first. I mean, I do remember Daddy saying "Do whatever you want," and considering I had been told I was released, I guess nothing was holding me back.

What's weird though is that normally I haven't been too keen on casual sex but I guess that changed over time as I started to get more comfortable with my sexuality and urges. As W/we discussed my fantasies of being used by friends, I guess sex lost its holy grail status.

After that it just became addicting and I started to fall for him. I had a really hard time controlling myself, hell I even played with myself next to Little Miss on a ride at Disney. Daddy tried to write off the issue as a hypersexuality phase because I wasn't on my meds during that time (I had run out and was having issues with insurance covering the costs. He passed me some links and I read up on it but I really didn't want to add excuses to my behavior, even more so, I really didn't think I matched the criteria because in my mind, a nymphomaniac is someone who feels uncontrollable sexual urges almost constantly and can't control their self. While I did have a hard time with impulse control, I definitely wasn't at the point of fucking all of my friends or random strangers.

Reading over the rest of the logs, I realize just how much of a bitch cunt I was to Daddy. This is awful, I definitely didn't remember being this disrespectful. I was pretty vindictive because a couple times I was called names and disrespected, and then I was holding that against Him, as well as things from the past. I don't want to let that excuse my behavior or actions though because I still had the choice to calm down.

From what I've read, and completely forgot about up til now, there were a lot of times where he begged me to stop and I didn't. All I cared about was having a good time with my friends and making sure they were having a good time too, since we had other issues going on on the side.

As of now, Daddy has forgiven me for the most part but the entire week still sits in the back of his head. He remembers well what happens and it still bothers him. The more I think back to how I treated him during that week, the worse I feel about myself. I really don't know what pushed me over the edge.

So for anyone reading this (especially guys from Reddit) thinking that I am the perfect girlfriend and sub. I'm not. I'm far from it but I want to make sure that this never happens again.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Question on Aftercare for littles

So I have a new daddy and at first he didn't do after care and i asked him yo and tried to explain why and he agreed to do it. But niether of us really know what to do during aftercare..? How does he bring me out of subspace? - Anonymous
Aftercare is normally done through lots of physical affection after an intense scene has finished. This can be done through hugs, kisses, cuddling/spooning, lovemaking (gentle sex), and loving or caring conversations. For littles, more specifically, aftercare can involve bringing in a pacifier (if they are into that) and stroking the little’s hair or back; handing the little some coloring books and crayons and sit and talk with them as they color; filling up a (sippy) cup of their favorite drink, maybe some juice, soda, milk, hot chocolate, tea, etc.; or putting it in one of their favorite movies and relaxing on the couch or in bed. Remember that aftercare should revolve around you and making sure that your needs are being met. It’s also not uncommon during subdrop for a submissive to question their place in their Dom’s/Domme’s life so it’s important for the Dom/Domme to reaffirm that they love them, cherish them, and are proud of them.

You and your Daddy can also create an aftercare kit. Here’s an example of some items that you might see in one:
Here are some things you might like to consider including in your aftercare kits taken from Briarthornblog  that I didn’t mention above:
* large bottle of water (for both drinking and washing, if theres no tap handy)
* high energy sports drink
* energy food: chocolate bars / dried fruit / nuts / biscuits
* ice packs
* small first aid kit containing bandaids, vaseline, betadine, pain tablets, regular medications
* warm cotton socks
* very soft plush blanket (I adore Brookstone’s NAP range for softness)
* vitamin E oil: “The pure, edible kind with no scents or mineral oil added. It’s great for wound healing and for the general drying out of the skin that can happen during a scene, as well” (Carrie Ann)

You or Daddy/Mommy having a bad day? Here's how you can help

  • Bake cookies together and decorate them.
  • Put on their favorite movie and watch it with them.
  • Play a game together.
  • Cook their favorite food for dinner.
  • Go on a walk together and enjoy eachother’s presence and the beauty of nature.
  • Take a bubble bath together. Don’t forget your favorite rubber ducky or Lush bath bombs.
  • Write a little note. It can funny, cute, or lovey-dovey. It’s up to you.
  • Increase the amount of hugs and kisses that day.
  • Cuddles!
  • Help your little play dress up and take pictures of them in their outfits. Look over them together at the end and keep your favorites.
  • Look at funny things online together.
  • Make love. Remember to ask first and respect their disinterest at that time. Not everyone is in the mood to play while under stress.
  • Be supportive and empathetic.
  • Take your little out to an empty playground.
  • Meditate together and listen to calming music.
  • Offer advise.
  • Give your little a make over. You both can laugh at the results at the end.
  • Draw, color, or paint something together.
  • Give them space if needed.
For littles:
Remember that Daddies and Mommies are people too and that means they can have bad days at work or just feel relatively down. On these days you will need to to be a big girl or boy and be less demanding as a little. Think about how you’d want to be treated if you’re having a bad day. Always ask if there’s anything you can do to help, but feel free to offer ideas to distract them from their issue. Realize that not all Daddies and Mommies are the same, some  will want their little to give them extra attention that day while others prefer solitude to deal with whatever’s going on; understand that both of these are perfectly okay and normal.

For Daddies and Mommies:
Remember that your little is much more sensitive and requires more attention and love than other women or men. This goes without saying but spoil them a bit more with affection and attention; you need to heal both the inner child and the big. Do more things together, especially things that interest your little. You want to make them feel happier than their current state. If you and your little’s dynamic includes some sort of servitude or 1950’s lifestyle, give them a break that day. They can carry on with chores tomorrow. Reassure them that it’s okay to have bad days and that no matter what, you’re still going to love them and be there for them.
Remember that while you may not be able to solve the problem or completely cheer up your Daddy or little, it’s the effort and thought that counts; it shows you care.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

My Love for Humiliation and Degradation

Lately it seems that my taste for humiliation has increase. In the past week, Daddy and I have had two playdates that have pushed me further than before. The first involved a lot of verbal degradation, such as being called “stupid bitch” and similar names, at my request of course. Daddy constantly checked up on me to make sure that he didn’t take it too far, but it wasn’t long until he had to stop because he admitted that he felt bad doing it; however, I really liked it.

Two Days ago I asked if I could watch Daddy getting off to porn. This is an idea that has come up in the past but mainly as a way for me to serve him with no strings attached at that moment; He’d watch porn and force me to give him a blowjob but without my presence truly being acknowledged. Since we’re not living together, we can’t do this yet but I still like to think about it, it wasn’t until I brought up the idea of just watching Him get off to porn without paying attention to me.
We’ve attempted this once before in the past and I must not have been in the right mindset at the time because, despite asking it, my jealousy kicked in and I got really upset. Maybe it was because he was watching a cam model instead of porn, I don’t know.

I called Him up on Monday and we started playing like usual, I strip down at His command and tease Him a bit, and then He pushes down His pants. He started touching Himself and then I asked, “Can I watch you get off to porn again?” He agreed and told me to give Him a moment while He looked for something. He continued and I laid there quietly, rubbing my clit as I watched Him pretend that I didn’t exist.

It wasn’t long until He started teasing me though, reminding me that He was getting off to another girl and not just porn. I could feel my blood beginning to boil again but I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make my pussy wet. He continued by saying that He’d chain me to a corner, far enough away from Him, so that I could only watch His pleasure and not contribute to it.
He then took it a step further by twisting the fantasy a bit and suggesting that instead of porn, He’d make me watch Him fuck another girl in front of me. I playfully began to whimper, playing along, and asked Him if my pussy wasn’t good enough. He responded by saying, “Sometimes I just want to try another.”

I begged Him to let me have a toy and He asked, “Why should I,” along with pointing out that my pleasure was none of his concern at the moment. I continued begging and He told me that I’d be allowed to have my dildo but that’s it.

After two pornos, He decided that it was time to check up on me and pamper me. He asked how I was feeling and I said that I felt turned on but conflicted. I explained that while I liked the thought of him getting off to porn, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about Him fucking another girl in front of me. He explained that He wouldn’t do it without us discussing it first, which I knew, but hearing that soothed me a bit. I also told Him that some of the things He said had struck a nerve, but I reminded myself that it was just part of the scene. He admitted that He was playing along with my fantasy but also seeing how far he could go with it, which I had no problem with.

After discussing this, He teased me and called me a slut for liking such things. The scene then changed as He said, “Come to Daddy, babygirl,” and I knew it was my turn to have the spotlight and it was about our pleasure and not just His.

Monday, March 10, 2014

The Difference Between DD/lg and Ageplay

Edit: Feb 24, 2016 - This page has been rewritten with better information, please click here.

As Tumblr has made DD/lg more well-known and popular, I feel there are many newbies who coming in with the wrong idea of the DD/lg dynamic. I've noticed that a lot of newbies think that DD/lg is simply calling someone Daddy/Mommy and having age regression interests such as sippy cups, coloring books, pacifiers, etc. A lot of them have no idea that what they're interested in is ageplay and not the DD/lg dynamic but if you try to correct them, they'll snap at you with some response about kink-shaming and political correctness.

What is the DD/lg dynamic?
I won't go too in depth in this because I've already covered it in this post. The DD/lg dynamic is a part of the D/s (Dominance/submission) dynamic and is a blanket term for anyone who follows the dynamic and identifies as a Daddy. It is a lifestyle. Mommy, little girl, little boy, babygirl, babyboy, etc. This means that there is a Dominant figure and a submissive and there is a power exchange between the two.  The power exchange does not have to be a TPE (total power exchange), it varies between couples - some littles like their Dom to have a lot of control over them while others prefer to only have their Daddy/Mommy control certain aspects of their life. In DD/lg, you'll notice that the Dominant is the Daddy or Mommy and the little is the submissive but sometimes you'll see littles in a Dominant position because they're a switch.

What is ageplay?
Ageplay is a fetish that involves some amount of roleplaying, it's very similar to pet play in the sense that you're acting out specific roles. This means that a person has an interest in regressing or roleplaying a younger age and this can be achieved through dressing up or taking part in younger hobbies and interests. Ageplay divides into three parts: adult baby, little, and middle. AB/DL (adult baby/diaper lover) is a type of ageplay but sometimes tends to be more of a lifestyle for some people. The age range tends to cover baby to toddler age. The "little" division tends to refer to ages 4-10, give or take. Middle refers to the preteen and teenage years, some people do refer to the teenage years as being "big".

Why the confusion?
As you noticed above, a lot of ageplayers refer to themselves as littles or babygirls/babyboys, just as little submissives do.They are two separate kinks though; not all ageplayers are interested in a D/s dynamic and not all little submissives are interested ageplaying. You'll even notice that there are some DD/lg groups on Fetlife that are for age regressing littles and non-ageplaying littles.

You'll notice a lot of people get defensive about terminology and their relationship. "Each relationship is different, based on the needs and desires of the people involved in them." While this is true, there are also titles and groups for a reason - for like-minded people to connect with each other. You are not a DD/lg dynamic if there is no power exchange between you and your partner because of what I explained above. It's okay to be an ageplayer and not have an interest in a power exchange relationship, it's honestly not for everyone. But to tell people that a D/s dynamic is not required to identify as a DD/lg is misinformation and it also puts members from either side in risk of being abused or mislabled as abusive.