Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sex Drive Rant

My sex drive is not what it used to be but it's getting better slowly. It's just... When you go from wanting sex every day (and sometimes multiple times a day) to suddenly not wanting it, it's foreign. As I explained to my friend yesterday, I'm at a point where I could go the rest of my life without sex and be fine with it. I very rarely feel horny these days and there have been a few times when I mentally want sex, but my body says no. It's frustrating when you're rubbing your clit and it's not as sensitive as it used to be and you don't get wet.
Thankfully I see my psychiatrist on Friday (it's been 2 or 3 months) and I can bring this up to her and see what can be done. I'm currently at very low doses of both of my medications so I'm puzzled as to why this is happening. Not only that but I've been on one since 2012 and the other since October of last year. I've never had problems with my sex drive with either but it's completely possible.

Daddy insists that it's fine but I worry about Him. Our relationship has never been solely based on sex but it was very important to both of us. Sex has always been more than "I'm horny, help get me off," it was our way of expressing our love and lust towards each other and becoming one, so to speak. So when I see that He's horny and I have no interest in playing, I feel bad about it. It's in my nature to want to care for him and please him. I'm sure if we were living together I'd have no problem giving Him blowjobs and handjobs, or hell, even letting him have vaginal sex with me. It's just that there are times when I try and I can't get wet enough or I'm not feeling pleasure from it, and Daddy insists that it's not fun if I'm not enjoying it.

There have been days when I've been extremely frustrated and just said, "Fuck it. Might as well just accept the fact I'm practically asexual now." I've heard of stories of asexuals having sex for their partner's benefit, but neither of us would want me to force it.

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