This is the truth:Romantic-ds.
What qualities make a good Dom/Domme?
A good Dom/Domme...
- Should be educated in the lifestyle and their interests (especially if sadomasichism is involved). This means that before owning anyone or participating ina nything, they should be reading up a lot on D/s dynamics, power exchanges, and even saefty. There's no shame in asking questions or attending classes on safety regarding bondage or impact play. Remember that your journey with your submissive is endless learning for both of you and things will need to be adjusted overtime. Knowledge is power.
- Should respect limits, safewords, and be courteous of consent (or lack there of). Don't be this guy, this is exactly what an abuser looks like. BDSM is all about, "Safe, sane, and consensual". Print out or create limit checklists. Here are some examples to consider: 1, 2. Both of you should fill them out and then discuss them afterwards.
No will be your hard limits. This means that no matter the circumstance or person, you are not interested in these in any way.
Maybe will be things that you’d consider in the future given the right training, person, or circumstance. For example, you could be interested in suspension bondage but you and your Daddy lack the proper knowledge to tie sturdy knots and know how to make sure you’re safe. Or if your Daddy is interested in anal sex and you’re scared but willing to try it out in the future, then that requires you to overcome the fear and begin anal training with small butt plugs and move on to gradually larger ones.
Yes will be things that you both are interested in and you have no second thoughts about.
- Should realize that D/s is not about being a control freak. While a Dom/Domme can own someone and have a TPE with them, the dynamic is not about simply bossing around. There is a difference between Dominating and controlling in an abusive way. Remember that the amount of control between you and your submissive is discussed and agreed upon by both of you.
- Being a Dom is also not about getting your dick sucked or fucking someone whenever you please; see #DDlg tag on Tumblr and check out those Kik Daddies. If you think that's what it's about then stick to your BDSM porn and your hand or roleplay online.
- Should think of their sub's well being. Ownership is exactly what it sounds like and if you choose to own someone, it's a huge responsibility.
- Does not need to use manipulation or scare tactics to make someone submit. Submission is a gift and is earned, it's not forced. If you need to force yourself on someone else or use threats then you're clearly not ready to be a Dom/Domme.
- Does not lie. D/s is all about trust. How can you expect to gain someone's trust if you can't even be honest?
- Has realistic expectations.
- Knows the difference between fantasy and what's possible in real life.
- Is Understanding.
- Understands subdrop and how to provide aftercare.
- Knows the difference between punishment and abuse.
- Does not let their anger decide on the punishment.
Like I mentioned above, the roles of a Daddy/Mommy and other Doms/Dommes is a little different. Romantic-ds, again, puts it excellently:
Littles (in the D/s sense) are a type of submissive. What makes them different from other submissives is that they tend to be ‘younger’ mentally, which is why they are looking for a very fatherly/motherly, softer Dominant. This is probably also why a lot of them are a bit childlike, why they prefer cute childish things and are into age play.So as you can see, because of this, Daddies and Mommies cater to a bit more that Masters would have to. There is both an inner child and a big that needs to be dealt with in littles.
A good Daddy/Mommy...
- Should understand their little's interests and needs. Be aware of what their little side needs. Maybe it's extra cuddles, or a little date, etc.
- Should not belittle their little because of their younger interests. Your job is to help embrace their inner child and make them feel safe in little space. There is no need to shame them for having an interest in coloring or likes to collect plushies.
- Does not message owned littles and provoke them. Respect ownership, you are not only insulting the little but the Daddy as well. A submissive does not stop, drop, and roll at whatever new guy comes along and orders them to do so.
- Provides reasonable rules that make the little happy and ensure their safety.
- Does not need to flaunt their fantasies on every picture they reblog. Posting, "Mmm Daddy would love to spank your ass bright red," does not impress me much.
- Does not overspoil their little. You do not need to overspoil your little, this can create behavioral problems and entitlement in the future, just like it does with real children. If your little demands a reward for every little good thing that they do, it gives the impression that you've lost control and that they hold control over you (and this is a form of manipulation).
- Does not force their little to regress to an age that they're not comfortable with.