Tuesday, July 22, 2014

What Makes a Good Daddy/Mommy?

Contrary to popular belief, a Daddy/Mommy is like any other Dom/Domme. While their roles might be slightly different from Masters/Mistresses,  their goals for the submissive are very similar in terms of growth and guidance. There's a popular belief that Masters/Mistresses are not and cannot be loving a gentle like Daddies/Mommies and I have to admit that I'm guilty of believing this in the beginning of my journey.
This is the truth:
Diagram taken from Romantic-ds.

What qualities make a good Dom/Domme?
A good Dom/Domme...
  • Should be educated in the lifestyle and their interests (especially if sadomasichism is involved). This means that before owning anyone or participating ina nything, they should be reading up a lot on D/s dynamics, power exchanges, and even saefty. There's no shame in asking questions or attending classes on safety regarding bondage or impact play. Remember that your journey with your submissive is endless learning for both of you and things will need to be adjusted overtime. Knowledge is power.
  • Should respect limits, safewords, and be courteous of consent (or lack there of). Don't be this guy, this is exactly what an abuser looks like. BDSM is all about, "Safe, sane, and consensual". Print out or create limit checklists. Here are some examples to consider: 1, 2. Both of you should fill them out and then discuss them afterwards.
    No
    will be your hard limits. This means that no matter the circumstance or person, you are not interested in these in any way.
    Maybe
    will be things that you’d consider in the future given the right training, person, or circumstance. For example, you could be interested in suspension bondage but you and your Daddy lack the proper knowledge to tie sturdy knots and know how to make sure you’re safe. Or if your Daddy is interested in anal sex and you’re scared but willing to try it out in the future, then that requires you to overcome the fear and begin anal training with small butt plugs and move on to gradually larger ones.
    Yes
    will be things that you both are interested in and you have no second thoughts about.
  • Should realize that D/s is not about being a control freak. While a Dom/Domme can own someone and have a TPE with them, the dynamic is not about simply bossing around. There is a difference between Dominating and controlling in an abusive way. Remember that the amount of control between you and your submissive is discussed and agreed upon by both of you. 
  • Being a Dom is also not about getting your dick sucked or fucking someone whenever you please; see #DDlg tag on Tumblr and check out those Kik Daddies. If you think that's what it's about then stick to your BDSM porn and your hand or roleplay online.
  • Should think of their sub's well being. Ownership is exactly what it sounds like and if you choose to own someone, it's a huge responsibility.
  • Does not need to use manipulation or scare tactics to make someone submit. Submission is a gift and is earned, it's not forced. If you need to force yourself on someone else or use threats then you're clearly not ready to be a Dom/Domme.
  • Does not lie. D/s is all about trust. How can you expect to gain someone's trust if you can't even be honest?
  • Has realistic expectations.
  • Knows the difference between fantasy and what's possible in real life.
  • Is Understanding.
  • Understands subdrop and how to provide aftercare.
  • Knows the difference between punishment and abuse.
  • Does not let their anger decide on the punishment.
So what about Daddies and Mommies?
Like I mentioned above, the roles of a Daddy/Mommy and other Doms/Dommes is a little different. Romantic-ds, again, puts it excellently:
Littles (in the D/s sense) are a type of submissive. What makes them different from other submissives is that they tend to be ‘younger’ mentally, which is why they are looking for a very fatherly/motherly, softer Dominant. This is probably also why a lot of them are a bit childlike, why they prefer cute childish things and are into age play.
So as you can see, because of this, Daddies and Mommies cater to a bit more that Masters would have to. There is both an inner child and a big that needs to be dealt with in littles.

 A good Daddy/Mommy...
  • Should understand their little's interests and needs. Be aware of what their little side needs. Maybe it's extra cuddles, or a little date, etc.
  • Should not belittle their little because of their younger interests. Your job is to help embrace their inner child and make them feel safe in little space. There is no need to shame them for having an interest in coloring or likes to collect plushies.
  • Does not message owned littles and provoke them. Respect ownership, you are not only insulting the little but the Daddy as well. A submissive does not stop, drop, and roll at whatever new guy comes along and orders them to do so.
  • Provides reasonable rules that make the little happy and ensure their safety.
  • Does not need to flaunt their fantasies on every picture they reblog. Posting, "Mmm Daddy would love to spank your ass bright red," does not impress me much.
  • Does not overspoil their little. You do not need to overspoil your little, this can create behavioral problems and entitlement in the future, just like it does with real children. If your little demands a reward for every little good thing that they do, it gives the impression that you've lost control and that they hold control over you (and this is a form of manipulation).
  • Does not force their little to regress to an age that they're not comfortable with.
I realize that I've referenced and addressed a lot of issues that are seen commonly on Tumblr by so-called Doms and Daddies, but understand that these people are real and think highly of themselves.

11 comments:

  1. Who the fuck are you to tell people what to post or not post on their tumblr blog?

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    Replies
    1. I don't really understand what you're taking offense at here. You're welcome to post whatever you'd like on your Tumblr however you should also be respectful of others blogs and their content. For example, if a littles posts a personal picture (nude or not), it's bad taste to insert your own fantasies when reblogging it. It's gross, unnecessary, and only shows that you care more about sexualizing the individual while indulging in your fantasy.

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  2. Dude chill it's not that big of a deal I don't mean any disrespect but I belive that you are being a little disrespectful because this post was very informative for me and all you took from it, from what your comment said was that this person is telling people what not to post on Tumblr in my opinion Tumblr is cancer but that's beside the point I hope you have fun reading this reply and have fun with the butt hurt ;D

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  3. Thank you very much for taking your time to help educate new parents wanting to be better parents, I really do appreciate it. You're a very good girl and I'm sure your daddy is very proud of you. I'm Ouijeu on FetLife and would like to be friends with you and your family if you are so inclined.
    Again, thank you for time and courage to share.

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  4. I am not sure how to tell my husband this is what I need its not a want we have been together 3 years and have 5 children 1 that are ours together but claim the others as our I own, I have called him daddy and he calls me baby girl since day 1 but I didn't know this even existed until now and felt like a weight was lifted off of me like I'm not the only one. I tried to tell him once but it kinda came out wrong I said"can I tell you something that is very personal and you not make fun or think differently of me have you ever heard of daddy Dom's and littles?, and he was like "you mean like I'm your fing dad and your my daughter that is sick like childmolester stuff. So I just stopped talking I felt so embarrassed it wasn't what I meant and I just shut done and didn't even have the desire to try to explain it. But I feel like I'm missing a huge chunk of my soul and I know this is why. I long for the nurturing loving caring side from my husband and its just not enough for me to have a regular vanilla relationship. We have great sex and its full of the love care and nurtreing that I need but I want it to be carried into our everyday routine. Please give me the words to explain this to him.

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  5. I never knew this existed until today. My girlfriend asked me to read into cause it's something that she wants fo try. So what I'm asking is what are good daddy tricks. I want to be a good daddy to my little and the only way is to fully understand this

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  6. This was extremely helpful! Thankyou so much for giving me all the information i needed. Naturally i will read up on it some more but thanks a lot for giving me a lot to start with.

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  7. Great article! Very informative and well written. Hopefully this helps those new to the lifestyle.

    I have been involved since about 2008 or so and just got into a romantic relationship with a new little. It is good to read things like this so I can approach things right, as she is a new little.

    Keep up the good work!

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  8. Thank you SO much for this read. My Daddy and I are semi-new to the lifestyle, neither one of us having any real lige experience with it but both of us have been interested in the idea, and it's just gotten better since we met and discussed our kinks.

    The problem is, I seem to be getting just far, far left explinations on the lifestyle. This is the first site I have seen where you took the time to explain with the added explination that this is not pedophilia or something equally as disgusting. THANK you for clearing this up for people who might not understand. ALso, you were clear, consice, and just all around very helpful. Thanks again.

    ReplyDelete