Wednesday, December 9, 2015


Last year I had made a post announcing that I has finally decided that I would be transitioning. At the time we were set on the idea of enlarging my clit with with a topical cream that had some male hormones. I never did get around to buying it or even seeing how I could get my hands on it, since I think the one we looked at was not recommended by the FDA.

I had been a little unsure about it too. It sounded like the right idea for me, but it lacked some important details that I'd want from a transition:

  • At best it'd make my clit grow a few inches. That's pretty great but at the end of the day, it's still an oversized clit, not a penis.
  • It can't function like a penis. Two to three inches is hardly enough to play with. It would make it a lot easier to stroke, especially since I get off easily via clit stimulation, but I don't think I'd be able to penetrate a future partner.
I had been peeking around Bad Dragon a lot the past month looking to buy a new toy, but I also found out they sell packers. I had brought up the idea of buying one and that's when Daddy (always thinking about me) suggested looking into a ftm prosthetic. I had no idea such a thing existed outside of bottom surgery, so I had never considered it especially since I don't want to fully transition to a man and go through that diagnostic process.

I came across FreeToM and began browsing around their site. I was amazed by their packers, they looked realistic in shape and texture, and you could get them professionally painted to make them look even more realistic. It looked perfect and I should Daddy, being all super excited about this. He began poking around more and noticed they had more than just packers, they sold STP ones and, better yet, 4-in-1 prosthetics.

The 4-in-1 basically allows a person to pack, pee, play, and gain pleasure through the prosthetic and be able to do what cis men do. While quite a bit more than the simple packers, these prosthetics give me what I want without having to worry about bottom surgery that I'd probably never be able to afford. And what I also really like are the different styles and sizes available, which is great because I've been dreaming of having an uncircumsized penis.

I'm probably looking at $300 for the piece, that covers the prosthetic and realistic paint job, and I'd still need a harness. I think it'll be worth it though and the fact that Daddy supports me and even brought up this idea means the world to me. 

Monday, August 3, 2015

Feeling Less Little

Even though I'm still pretty active in DD/lg communities, I've been noticing a shift in interest and roles in our dynamic. When I'm with him, I definitely feel more like a pet (puppy girl).

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it either but I remind myself that I shouldn't be concerned with labels. I'm happy with both roles, they fit me well, but I feel like I'm abandoning my little side. I look at myself as a little and compare myself to others and I don't feel like I quite match up anymore. I do have little interests but I lack a lot of things that I see are really common traits.

It's funny because when newbies confront me about this observation, I reassure them that being a little is more than just how you appear and present yourself online. But I'm feeling more and more pressured to present myself a certain way or not be taken seriously. I have no interest in baby talk or acting like a spoiled brat. I also really like the idea of having more rules and rituals, but none of them (or my current rules) really match up with what a parental-figure would give, which is how a lot of rules are placed for littles. Both of us see no point in food restrictions, bed times, potty limitations, and stuff like that.

I guess it also doesn't help that I don't feel like I fit in in the community, at least the Tumblr one. Aside from my personal issues with it, I don't think I act "little enough", and faking a little persona is the last thing I want to do. I guess a disconnection with the community has probably added to this.

On the flip side, my girlfriend is a new little and we eagerly look forward to having little play dates together when I get back home and visit her. I also still call my Dom "Daddy" most of the time and have some little tendencies when we're out and about. He seems to be fine with me taking on either role, so I'm not worried about that. I'm hoping that I can find a happy balance that suits me and my relationships.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Registered Slave

As of last night Daddy and I decided on registering me as a slave on TSR. It's funny because TSR used to be something He was really against but that was probably just due to his dislike and misunderstanding of Master/slave... Or maybe I'm just very persuasive.

We made two versions: a private one and a public one. They're both actually just the same number and profile, we just saved the certificate twice. The private one is for us, something for us to print out one day and hang up in our bedroom. The public one has our online nicknames and is also the name used for the profile currently.
We've also decided that we'll be tattooing either my number or the numbered barcode on my inner thigh. The idea of this really excites me.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Things I'd like to do with Daddy

It's now few days before I'm in Daddy's arms again.

Here are somethings I'd like to be able to do...

  1. Glomp him upon first sight at the airport
  2. Have some privacy at the hotel
  3. Have sushi
  4. Go out for tea on my birthday
  5. Go to ELTE
  6. Walk around Budapest and check out nifty shops
  7. Go to the mall and have boba tea
  8. Share kisses for every mile we've been apart, which is 5382 miles.
  9. Attend a lolita meet up again
  10. Have my ass kicked at Skull Girls, Guilty Gear, or Blaz Blue
  11. Take lots of pictures
  12. Have a movie date
  13. Have a movie date in the comfort of his bed
  14. Get one or two of my tattoos done
  15. Be bathed by him
  16. Practice the role of being his maid
  17. Shop for a Monster High doll together
  18. Cook for him
  19. Wander into adult stores
  20. Try more Hungarian food
  21. Braid his hair... Which will result in a spanking
  22. Have him choose outfits for me

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Update 4/19/2015

Hi guys, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been going through a lot and have been really busy. I was in the hospital a couple weeks back and have had a couple family deaths, so March and April have not been kind to me at all. I'm doing better though and reaching the end of this school semester, so I'm looking forward to that. After this I'll have 2 semesters left in college, which means I'm closer to moving in with Daddy and studying in Hungary. A lot of things have been put on hold since I've been trying to get better, that includes a lot of things in my dynamic that are D/s related. I feel like Daddy has expected a lot less of me in lifestyle terms, but also expects more of me in terms of taking care of my health. While I do miss have frequent dates and spanking sessions, I know his control is still there, just focused in other ways. He's been really insistent about making sure I'm taking my medications and keeping up with homework. I'm spending a lot more time working on DDlgdoodles, as I attempt to put the blog back together, and working on DDlgforum. I take a hiatus from there as well due to what I mentioned above, but I'm back now and doing my best to stay active and moderate. I have some exciting news to share, I'm 3 weeks away from visiting Daddy again. This time I'll be staying for 90 days and I'm really hoping I can pick up on the language while I'm there. I'll also be spending my birthday with him, which is the day after I arrive. However there are some conditions that are beyond my control, so I'm hoping the best outcome for them: I have to have all refills for my medications. I'm currently without health insurance so I'm not able to refill medications, make new appointments, etc. While this should be resolved soon, it may not be soon enough, and as much as Daddy wants me there, he can't risk my health and well-being there without these medications.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Single for a Day - Finding a Daddy on Collarspace (Collarme)

Collarspace (formally known as collarme) is a popular BDSM dating site, I think that it's sole purpose too. It allows you to upload pictures, have a profile, add a (small) list of kinks, and uploaded videos, audio, and written journal entries. There are also forums/message boards and chat rooms to talk in. When you make your profile and upload your picture, it circulates to other people run into it and that's how you start to get flooded with messages.

I used Collarme a few years back to explore my Domme side. I was solely looking for online roleplays because I didn't feel educated or responsible enough to own someone but I digress. I used to get some of the most awful messages from submissive men, not disrespectful but they lacked self respect. I had one guy asked me to cam with him on Skype to watch him kill himself and he'd give me all his possessions. And of course I had the occasional Doms message me trying to "make me" submit to them.

So I joined Collarspace similar to how I did with Fetlife. I picked out a new username, still one that's sexual, filled out my profile (this time more in depth than on Fetlife but not as detailed as my personal ad), and uploaded some pictures: the first one was nude with my face, but my arm covering my breasts, second picture was bra and panties, third picture was just my face, and the fourth picture was my with kitty ears nude on the bead showing off my back and bum.

In my profile I stated:
I'm an 18 year old babygirl in search of a loving Daddy. I have never been owned before and am looking for a Daddy who's patient, loving, and willing to help me learn about myself. This would be my first time exploring DD/lg. I'm looking for guidance and someone to please, love, and serve. I'd also love rules to help keep me in line, but I promise I'm not too bratty and I don't bite much. 

Since there aren't really any groups like Fetlife dedicated to themed personals (like the DD/lg personals group I posted in), your profile is all you've got to make your point and you're free-game for anyone.

A day later this is what my feed looked like  (take note of the pages):
Since that time I now have 21 pages of messages as of 11:05 pm.

The good :

The bad:

So what about the rest of the messages?
They were mainly horny, conversation starters, compliments, or people who couldn't bother to read my profile. They were a lot of just friendly messages, so that's always nice. I didn't really talk much about my vanilla interests on my profile so that's a mistake that I made, so it's no wonder I got a lot of "Hey how are you?s". But the majority answering to my profile were like the bad section.

Like I mentioned before, when looking for a partner, I really enjoy the other person taking the time to read about me and assess if we're compatible, then message me and tell me about themselves. I like effort. If you give me your time, I'll give you my time. Because as an unowned sub, I owe no one anything.

Here are some things I've noticed:
  • Most of the men on this site ignored the fact that I was looking for a Daddy. A lot of them insisted on making me their slave. 
  • Couples will message you even if you state that you're not looking for couples or a poly household
  • If you read a message and don't respond to it, you're accused of "catfishing"
  • You will be demanded to do a Yahoo or Skype call otherwise you're a fake
  • Most men are Masters (nothing wrong with that at all)
  • Many refer to littles as "daughters" (and granddaughter), giving me the impression they're seeking incest roleplay
  • Many are looking for 24/7 dynamics, which isn't exactly great for beginners
  • Lots of entitlement
  • Relocation is brought up even before the conversation starts (this happened sometimes on Fetlife too)
I'll also point out that I don't like men who approach single littles saying "Come to Daddy/*insert action* Daddy." Do not address us like we're yours. The simply fact is that at that moment, they are not my Daddy. I will not view them as my Daddy or treat them like my Daddy. They're a stranger. But this is a person pet peeve.

A lot of these men have seriously inflated egos and think they're the cream of the crop. If you point this out or state that you're not interested, many will throw hissy fits. Here's an example: someone got mad at me so they made an account with the same name, same location, age and then sent me a message:

Compared to Fetlife, I haven't received any messages sending me links to learn how to protect myself during my search, like I got from some people on Fetlife. But then again, you should have basic knowledge before searching for a Daddy or any other Dom, so this is understandable. Do you don't just bake a cake without knowing the recipe.

My opinion:
If you're seriously looking for a partner, use this site with caution. Be sure you make it clear what you're looking for, especially in terms of a power exchange because most of these guys are looking for TPEs, which are not safe for beginners. Make sure you find someone who will take the vanilla part of your relationship just as seriously as the D/s one. And if someone's asking about a relocation from the beginning, they're probably taking things way too fast. I personally wouldn't ask that until I've at least talk with the person enough to say I know and trust them.

If you want some good laughs at how disrespectful, entitled, and desperate some people are then knock yourself out.

I still prefer Fetlife to Collarme.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Single for a Day - The Search for a Daddy on Fetlife!

My girlfriend and I made a "fake" profile on Fetlife today. We originally did this to see how many creepy messages we could receive, especially after stating that I'm single and looking for a Daddy. With Collarme out of the picture (just found out it's under a new name now), Fetlife seems to be known as the meat market now, so a lot of newbie littles avoid it upon hearing about the fake Daddies, abusers, etc. I not only wanted to get some laughs out of this (who doesn't love desperate hook up messages?) and to shed some light on the site's community.

I've been a member of Fetlife since 2011, so not that long. In the beginning I had my fair share of creeps and horny bastards. I got messages from guys who didn't bother to read my profile and ignored the fact that I already was in a relationship. But as time went on it died down. These days I'm lucky to get a message that isn't from a friend or someone in my local area. And speaking of friends, I've met some amazing people in the past 2 years.

I tried to make this as convincing as I could for a newbie to the lifestyle and someone completely new to Fetlife. I chose a ridiculously sexual name that actually ended up contradicting my personal ad. I didn't steal any ladies' pictures, I simply used my own. I uploaded 6 pictures: 1 showing my face (the profile pic), 1 in a maid dress, 1 in bra and panties, and the others were completely nude showing off the merchandise.

I set my bait out to catch some horny fishies and set out to make a personal ad. I had a hard time writing the ad, originally I wanted to create a persona for this but I ended up writing an ad about myself and my girlfriend, basically meshing our personalities and interests together. Believe me, it really didn't take long for the messages to flood in.

It's 3:30 am, only a few hours since I made the account and the personal ad. I have 4 pages of messages (each page contains about 20 messages) . I'm not going to list every message I received but I will point out the ones that stood out as shining examples.


The bad:

Out of 4 pages of messages those 3 are really the only ones who focused more on sex than developing a relationship. The rest of the messages were either decent and friendly, sparking conversations, or just lack-luster (e.g. "hi, how are you?"). So the idea that most men on the site are predators seems to be a little off for me, however it has been past midnight my time so I'm going to keep this profile up for a bit longer and continue to watch.

So what sets apart the good and bad? In my opinion it's respect and maturity. I don't want to hear about how you're going to eat me out. I don't want to hear about or see your "10 inch" dick. If you wouldn't approach a lady in person this way, don't do the same online. The Daddies in the first group put effort into their messages, not only asking about myself or pointing out my looks, but they told me about themselves, their experience, and what they're looking for. And the top message even provided informational links for newbies to protect themselves. Gold star for you, blue smiley face, bringing on the education from the get-go! These men wanted to prove that they were they real deal and cared about an emotional connection, not just someone to control and fuck.

As for the comments, they weren't too bad either. I mean some were obviously sexual in nature but I'm pretty used to that and I've received worse. I know some people don't appreciate those especially on pictures that don't contain nudity.

With all that being said, that's not to say your experience will be the same. And when it comes to looking for a partner on Fetlife, you have to specific, set your boundaries, and use some common sense. If someone sounds too good to be true, they just might be. Ask for references if they claim to have been in the lifestyle for a decent amount of time and have had past subs. And don't fall for the men who openly come out to you saying that they're living 2 lives; one with their wife and one to explore the lifestyle. That situation never ends well for the kinky partner. It's important to know what qualities make a good Dom and sets them apart from an abuser. This is why the Acid Test exists and many other resources for submissives.

A lot of older members of the site will tell you that Fetlife is better if used for its original purpose - a social network. A place for like-minded people to connect, have discussions, share pictures, and find local meet ups to attend. And of course going to munches is a great way to meet people who may have connections, who knows, maybe you'll find your partner through one of them.

So littles, if you're into older men (age gap fetish) with lots of experience, a big heart, and much to offer then Fetlife may be the place for you instead of searching on Tumblr. Tumblr is becoming over crowded with "Daddies" who are just posting dick pics, spamming their Kik, and leaving unnecessary comments on personal photos.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

What is a Daddy Dom?

A Daddy (Mommy or any other Big) is a Dominant who takes on more of a parental role in their sub's (the little) life. Some Daddies are strict, while others are more relaxed. It all depends on the person, connection, and the power exchange. Daddies focus more on guidance and nurturing their little, helping them grow as a person and explore theirselves. This isn’t to say that other Doms don’t do the same but their reasons behind it may be different.

Being a Daddy is more than sex. A Daddy is more than having the ability to control. Being a Daddy is more than just giving spankings. "Daddy" is more than just a name or a title. It's a mindset, it's a personality, it's a way of being. And most importantly it's a great amount of responsibility.

To a Daddy, his little is his world and the feeling is mutual. He may see them through the eyes of a parent, but this is not to say that the relationship is incestuous at all, or that the Daddy takes the place of the little's father. They are his most prized possession and a work of art, not in terms of physical appearance, but showing his skill and care as a Dominant. They take on the responsibilities of their little's life, helping relieve some of the stress and guiding them through every day obstacles.

A Daddy sees potential in his little and does his best to bring it out. Think of finding a rough gem, it’s a gem crafter’s job to cut and shine that gem to show its true potential. Rules are set in place to make sure their little is taking care of themselves. These rules can apply to how they carry out their day, reminding them to take care of proper hygiene, allowing him to choose what they wear, making sure they’re eating healthy, and if they’re on medications that they’re taking them daily. These rules can also apply to internal factors such as encouraging a little to speak up if they’re feeling down, self conscious, or feel that their needs are not being met in the relationship. These rules of encouragement allow the little to speak their mind without fear of being punished or yelled at. And of course there can be rules set in place that are how the little should act towards their Daddy and how to meet his needs. It’s important to emphasize that these needs are not always sexual; submission can be carried out in many different ways. Chores and assignments may also be given to help teach the little responsibility.

When a little acts out of line, it's his job to teach them right from wrong. Punishments may be given to teach a lesson and they can range from physical punishments, to extra chores, to writing assignments, to loss of privileges. A Daddy does not like punishing his little though, in comparison to how a sadist likes to inflict pain on their bottom. There is no enjoyment in being disappointed and let down, having to correct behavior, or see their little cry with shame. The punishment is not about giving pleasure through pain but it's teaching a lesson and conditioning, providing an action and a lecture as to why it was wrong and what they can do differently to behave better. But after the punishment it's his job to remind the little that once it's over, the issue is dust in the wind.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Daddy's Sick

Daddy is very sick tonight. He started out with jaw pain Thursday evening and it quickly escalated to a radiating pain from his jaw and down his neck. Pain killers weren't working for him; the only thing that soothed the pain was swishing around or drinking cold water. At first we suspected that it was a simple toothache, then we thought maybe it was a wisdom tooth growing in wrong, but now we're more convinced that it's a decomposing nerve releasing gas that's trapped in the gum and under the tooth.

Daddy drifted off a few hours ago and woke up, deciding to go to the ER after realizing that his lymph nodes in his neck are inflamed and he has the chills. I'm hoping for the best outcome for him but I think he'll have to wait to schedule a root canal to solve the issue, and meanwhile just be given some powerful pain meds. Whatever happens though I just don't want to see him suffering.

It's times like this that I especially wish I was there. He's prone to migranes a lot and will sometimes sleep the entire day away due to the pain. I will admit that I miss him during those times but his health is more important. I always feel so useless though. No amount of e-kisses or blown kisses on cam will help. I hate to see him suffer because it upsets me.

As a Daddy it's his job to look after me and take care of me, but Daddies are humans too and sometimes they need TLC also. Some days I'll have to wear the big girl panties and take on my role as a loving housewife or maid. Like right now I'd set up a couple pills piled up against the wall of his bed and have him rest lying elevated to help with the pain. I'd make him some soup and jello to make sure that he's getting something in his stomach but without having to chew and apply pressure on his jaw. And of course I'd have have a damp, cool wash cloth ready to help cool down his body and an ice pack for his jaw and cheek. I'd do my best not to smother him (and that will be hard) but to let him rest and call for me if he needs something.

Get well soon, Daddy. Your health is important to me.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Topping from Bottom in DD/lg

I recently joined a couple BDSM groups on Facebook. A good discussion came up a few days on one of them about what is considered "topping from bottom", but in the same breath today I came across a post that I feel is a good example of it then rubbed me the wrong way:

"any littles get bratty on purpose to get punishments from your daddy?"

I suppose in the different D/s branches, there is more leniency with what is considered topping from bottom since littles get away with it a lot more and it's almost a norm for newbies. But I think it can be harmful to a dynamic over time and brings on disrespect.

Topping from bottom is define as:
"Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. This could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. "
-SubmissiveGuide; LadyKM 2009

 This is what I consider topping from bottom and I'm going to emphasis with traits I see from littles:

  • Manipulation
  • Purposely disobeying for "punishment", typically soft core spanking.
    Believe me, you don't want to get punishments and I'm talking about the real kind. Ask how many subs enjoy getting their mouth washed, time out, kneeling on a bag of rice, etc. Many will reply that it's not fun or enjoyable.
  • Expecting constant rewards for good behavior:
    Rewards are great to support good behavior, especially if it's a bad habit that your little has. But when your little begins to expect frequent rewards for little accomplishments then this becomes a problem.
  • Thinking that submission and being spoiled go hand in hand:
    I love gifts, especially when they're from Daddy. When I visited him, he bought me a lot of great things, nothing too extravagant but e.g every time we went to the store, he'd buy me téli fagyi. However, I do not submit to him to be spoiled (this kind of goes in hand with the last bullet). I am not with Daddy for gifts because my Daddy is not a sugar daddy.
  • "I'll do this for you, but what's in it for me?"
    I believe that submission means serving without any direct expectations to benefit yourself.* Serving your Daddy/Mommy should be pleasing for you not just physically but the joy in knowing you are making them happy.
     *As a submissive when you give up your control to your partner, part of the agreement is exchanging control for care and guidance.
If you'd like more general examples, check out 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom by LunaKM.

Something I've noticed about Tumblr's DD/lg community is that being bratty has become an excuse to get away with this. Now I understand that some Daddies/Mommies don't mind and that's fine. Whatever works for Y/you is none of my business. But for Daddies/Mommies who don't put up with this form of brattiness get called abusive or "fake Daddy" because He didn't meet her expectations.

I would categorize brattiness into two categories:

  1. Playful/childish brat
  2. Entitled brat

I am a bit of a brat, I have a temper and can be sassy without meaning to so no where am I implying that I'm flawless. I like to act childish bratty though, but it's all in good humor and fun & games between Daddy and I.

If your Daddy/Mommy speaks up about your behavior and mentions one (or more) of the bullets above and you a throw a fit, rather than discuss, then you're not helping yourself. If you're more concerned about your pleasure, desires, and needs over Theirs then you may not be a submissive. This isn't meant to talk you down, it's just an observation based on behavior. Not all submissives are the same but there are some similar and shared characteristics and like MonogamousMaster says, willingness is one of them. Some people have more dominant personalities than others and this can affect your ability and willingness to serve another person.

Friday, January 23, 2015

How do I take punishments with respect?

Wednesday night I misbehaved and got on Daddy's last nerves. I had accused him of some things due to a misunderstanding and by the time I realized this and said sorry, it was too late. He told me He was going to bed. I hate when either of U/us goes to bed mad at the other, so I called Him on Skype a couple times. I should know better by now that He hates that, but I really wanted to talk things out. He got fed up and told me I was going to have a day of time out.

Normally I can take a punishment fine. I have no problem with spankings, writing prompts, or given a small timeout; however, an entire day was another story. And to make things worse, He was going to be out this weekend for a roleplay session so He said, "I'll see you Sunday." I couldn't handle not being able to talk to Him for that long, it made me panic. This is a fair punishment that we agreed on for me years back, so it's definitely not my first one but they're very rare for me. However fair the punishment is though, that doesn't mean I like it. For example, I love spankings but I hate punishment spankings.

Thursday night I went to sleep and up until noon Thursday I handled it fine, I guess because I was able to sleep it off. And then it hit me - my damn insecurities. I couldn't keep myself busy so my mind wandered and one of the first thoughts in my head was, "What if during this weekend He finds that He enjoys the silence better than having me around? What if He leaves me?" I tried for a while to silence this and remind myself that it was just a punishment but it became too much... So I texted Him, and I got not reply. From there I thought, "What if He's not replying because He's actually thinking on it?" and that didn't make it any easier on me. Long story short, through out the day I kept texting Him or messaging Him on Skype.

My punishment ended last night and I was able to talk with Him before W/we both went to bed. I was able to call Him and give Him a good night kiss, I was still pretty upset though (and sick) so I sounded really down. He reminded me that He loves me and said sorry for having to use this punishment. In my mind it's hard to believe that people aren't doing things to purposely hurt me and unfortunately Daddy is not exempt from this thought.

I don't know how more experienced subs can take punishments. I really hate to be a bad girl and create a fuss, but how do I properly calm myself down during these and just take it - no texting/messaging or calling Him until my punishment is over. I'm lucky that I didn't get it extended longer since I annoyed Him so much yesterday. Despite being trained and owned, I still have a lot to learn as a sub and it brings me down.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Daddy's Markings

Daddy has unintentionally made me interested in body modification. He's never expressed going for girls with tattoos and piercings, I mean he feels neutral about them. Before I met him, I remember I wanted my lip pierced but that was as far as I'd go... Maybe belly button. Since my relationship I've found myself wanting more intimate piercings such as clit hood and nipples. Aside from piercings we have our own ideas of marking tattoos to show ownership over me.

Observe my self portrait:

This is missing a few things but it's pretty spot on.
For the longest time I've wanted my areolae tattooed into skin-colored hearts. I remember first seeing this on Tumblr in 2011, a really pretty cam model had it done and I fell in love with the idea. This one isn't so much of a marking, more of a personal one.

Speaking of breasts, like I mentioned above, I want my nipples pierced. I could've had it done recently but I chickened out after hearing how bad the pain was; I didn't want to get it done alone in the parlor. I have lots of cute jewelry ideas for my nipples:

One of my markings is the puppy paw print on my mound. The idea for this one came to Daddy as my puppy girl side has grown stronger. It's a reminder that I'm not only a puppy but his puppy. I've drawn this one on myself a few times with black henna and I loved how it turned out, so I'm very eager about having this one done.

My very first body mod (that's not pictured) was my clit hood piercing. I got it done Wednesday and it turned out really cute. It's a vertical one and I'm hoping to get jewelry like this for it:
This looks like it's more suited for a belly button (I could be wrong, I'm pretty new to all this) but you get the idea - I want a bar with a hoop below it. I call this one my slutty piercing just for giggles.

Also not pictured is another marking and was the first one we thought of for me years ago. We're still a little undecided about how to have this done, but we want something along the lines of a wolf bite mark or scratch on my shoulder. I'm really picky about how I'll have this done because I don't want it to look like a vampire bite or the scratch marks end up looking cheesy or like shit. I also can't decide if I want the scratches to be plain black gashes or if it them to look like they're actually cuts in my skin with some blood.

I had an interesting conversation with my ex-girlfriend about body mods and D/s relationships. She had asked me if my Daddy had chosen my piercings for me and I told her that they my decisions, but he supported them and encouraged them. For her and her Master, she told me that having her nipples and clit pierced "represent a commitment and dedication to slavehood" which I found extremely cute.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Love, Sex, and Being Owned

If you've been a reader from the beginning of this blog, you'll know that Daddy and I are a polyamorous couple. We were actually originally a triad, when I met Daddy he already had a girlfriend/pet and I came along. That was my first introduction to polyamory and here I am now, 4 years later, identifying as a poly person. You can read more about my polyamorous adventures under my polyamory tag.

I am very open about my sexuality and needs. Daddy is also very understanding about these needs. He's told me time and time again that if I want to hook up or enter another relationship with someone, as long as it's discussed before hand, it's alright. As much as I've hated to admit it, I like hooking up. I very rarely have sex with guys because my interest in men fluctuates constantly but I adore women. I have a girlfriend that I've been close with for a year now and I have friend that I do camming shows with and Daddy never feels threatened or jealous.

There's a common misconception that polyamory is simply swinging but I like to think of polyamory like this (please click it to see it full-size):
Polyamory at its roots is the ability and opportunity to love multiple people at once, and with this does come sex. How is polyamory not cheating? The answer to that is the fact that there is consent between the partners about the side relationships or sex life. One partner may not want to know all the dirty details of what went on but they agreed and discussed the situation with their partner. Cheating does just the opposite, there is no discussion or consent. The act of cheating is going behind your partner's back. It's a breach of trust and honesty which I believe are core foundations to any relationship.

So I'm having casual sex with a friend, no feelings attached, how does Daddy not get jealous? Does that mean that he's not able to fulfill all my needs? No, he does. Let's put it this way, Daddy is my favorite food but I still enjoy other foods on the side. To compare Daddy to others is like apples and oranges, I enjoy these people in my life for different reasons because they all have something unique to share. Daddy doesn't get jealous because he knows that even if I do sleep with other people, whether I love them or not, there's no threat to his place in my heart or his position in my life. He still has ownership of my heart and my body, that's why I need permission before playing with other people.

Has being in a polyamorous relationship stopped me from fucking up? Unfortunately it hasn't. Miscommunication and misunderstandings have happened in the past, along with other factors. Unfortunately I've cheated on many partners and I suppose old habits die hard, but most of those occurrences were because I fell involve with 2 people at once (one being someone I was dating) and eventually had to make a decision. Had I known about this lifestyle sooner then maybe I would've broken less hearts in the past. But being polyamorous has opened me up to seeing people in a different light and become more comfortable about my feelings and sexuality. This doesn't mean that I look at every person as a potential relationship, but I don't have to feel bad about having crushes or feelings for someone after we've gotten close.

Polyamory gives me freedom. And when I hear about and see successful poly houses it gives me hope. What could be wrong with having multiple people love and care for you the same way that one person does? The more the merrier. And while Daddy and I aren't actively looking for another partner, a succesful triad in the future would be nice and welcomed.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

What is a Middle?

I get a lot of questions asking about what separates a middle from a little. Unfortunately there's not too much information or resources for littles who identify more as a middle, so I'm going to try and help with that.

Typically regression is divided into three sections (youngest to oldest):

  • Adult baby - Infant
  • Little - Toddler to young child
  • Middle - Preteen to teen
Middle age tends to be 12-17. This age range is commonly associated with the terms "lolita", "jailbait", and "nymphet". Even though the titles tend to correspond to women, there are men middles also but not as common. Middles are more mature than littles in behavior, speech, and interests and show personality traits similar to teens. They are more aware of their surroundings, reasoning behind their behavior, seek a bit more independence, and are more aware of their sexual needs and desires. Brattiness may still be exhibited but may show itself more through sarcasm or defying/questioning authority. Despite all this, like most ageplayers, they still require lots of love, care, and support.

Middles' hobbies and interests vary depending on their age since this age range is fairly wide and it's the age range associated with self discovery. While most littles share common interests in little space or regression, middles have a wider range of interests. They possess similar interests common among the age they regress to so this can include video games, drawing, photography, make up, and fashion just to name a few examples. Of course there are also littles who show these interests as well but normally not during regression. Middles are also more likely to show interest in movies and tv series beyond cartoons and Disney. 

Through fashion and discovering their selves there may be more hints of sex appeal during dress-up. They may be more interested in buying clothes that enhance their body's features or match a fetish to appeal to their Daddy, Mommy, caregiver or even strangers online (if they're an exhibitionist). From what I've seen on Tumblr maid dresses, seifukus/Japanese school uniforms, and clothing similar to Dolores Haze are extremely common.

30 Days of Ageplay - Day 15

Has anyone found out that you’re an ageplayer? If not, how would you handle the situation if someone did?

I've had a couple people find out by chance instead of me openly telling them. I've had two friends that came across my blog, read through my personal posts, and then went through my pictures and realized that the blog belongs to me. They actually contacted me about it on Facebook and they were pretty cool about it; no hostility or shaming whatsoever.

So based on these past interactions I'm normally not to concerned anymore with people finding out that I'm a submissive and an ageplayer.

A Note for You

Dear Daddy,

It's funny how before this trip everyone warned me. I know they meant well by saying these because they worry and care about me and I don't blame them, there are people who get screwed over by online relationships. Perhaps I am naive but everyone asked me similar questions: "What if he's nothing like his online persona?" "What if he's abusive?" "What if you simply don't get along?" As much as I didn't want to believe that, I had accepted the fact that these could've been possibilities despite my trust in you. I was firm in my belief that you were honest these past 4 years though. They couldn't have been more wrong though because you were exactly the same in person, if not even sweeter.

On my way there I imagined how I'd react upon walking out of baggage claim and seeing you for the first time. I had envisioned either dropping my stuff and running to you, hugging you tightly; screaming Master or Daddy and having my arms spread apart; or not making a big scene but greeting you with the love and affection we've been waiting for. Unfortunately I'm horrifically awkward and when I saw you walking off the bus I made some silly remark but we walked toward each other, hugged, and shared our first kiss.

You were a wonderful host. While I insisted beforehand that I'd act your little house maid, you told me to relax and enjoy myself because I was a guest. I made some little mistakes when helping cleaning (like when I poured out the bad soup in the sink) but you didn't yell at me, you took care of it and told me for the future how to properly do things. You didn't seem to mind the mess I made in your room with clothes, we just laughed it off and you insisted you were worse. You took care of me and looked out for my well-being. When I got sick you didn't make a fuss, not even when I got you sick too. Instead you took me to the pharmacy to pick up something. You reminded me of daily responsibilities, you set an alarm to remind me every day to take my medicines. As the alarm went off you'd sweetly say, "Medicine time, love." It was absolutely adorable. When I had attacks you didn't get mad at me, you held my hand of rubbed my back and took me away from the area to breathe and calm down. You encouraged me to let my attacks pass and continue to learn to deal with them rather than rely on my medicine unless they got that bad.

You were just excited as I were the day my collar arrived in the mail. I remember you unwrapping it and showing it to me, then doing your sweet and loving speech about your ownership over me as you put the collar on me. When it was time for daily bath, you reminded me to come to you before going so you could take off the collar and then as soon as I got back you'd say, "Aren't you forgetting something, love," and you'd put it back on me.

I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas than one spent with you for the first time. I know in the future that we'll have many more to come and they may be more eventful than how we spent Christmas day, but I had so much fun. I couldn't have asked for a better New Year than spending it with your friends (your family) and feeling accepted among the group. I felt a little bad that everyone had to speak English because of me but it definitely made me feel more included and your friends are great, interesting people.

I loved sight-seeing with you, even if it just meant walking around your hometown. I loved our trips to the center of your town and going to the malls, walking along the river, walking up and down the street, and visiting the Christmas villages. When we were in Budapest I had fun getting lost looking for the teahouse or getting exhausted when walking toward Castle District. I still get a chuckle when I think how we walked up the hill and sat on a park and you remarked that Buda Castle was hard to miss because it's at the top of a hill and I look at the horizon and pointed out, "What about that hill over there? That kind of looks like a castle." Thankfully we were going up the right hill but your reaction was hilarious. And then I laugh even more when I remember that we could've simply take a bus up the hill and saved our breaths, but you know what? It was a great experience and work out. We simply took our time and I enjoyed the buildings around me.

This trip proved our love for each other as well as our compatibility, but more importantly it proved to me that I made the right decision giving myself to you. I know without a doubt that unless we were to extend our pack and bring in a third member, there is no one else that I'd want to spend the next 50+ years of my life with. You are simply amazing and I love you.

Thank you for everything. I can't wait to see you this summer!