Friday, January 23, 2015

How do I take punishments with respect?

Wednesday night I misbehaved and got on Daddy's last nerves. I had accused him of some things due to a misunderstanding and by the time I realized this and said sorry, it was too late. He told me He was going to bed. I hate when either of U/us goes to bed mad at the other, so I called Him on Skype a couple times. I should know better by now that He hates that, but I really wanted to talk things out. He got fed up and told me I was going to have a day of time out.

Normally I can take a punishment fine. I have no problem with spankings, writing prompts, or given a small timeout; however, an entire day was another story. And to make things worse, He was going to be out this weekend for a roleplay session so He said, "I'll see you Sunday." I couldn't handle not being able to talk to Him for that long, it made me panic. This is a fair punishment that we agreed on for me years back, so it's definitely not my first one but they're very rare for me. However fair the punishment is though, that doesn't mean I like it. For example, I love spankings but I hate punishment spankings.

Thursday night I went to sleep and up until noon Thursday I handled it fine, I guess because I was able to sleep it off. And then it hit me - my damn insecurities. I couldn't keep myself busy so my mind wandered and one of the first thoughts in my head was, "What if during this weekend He finds that He enjoys the silence better than having me around? What if He leaves me?" I tried for a while to silence this and remind myself that it was just a punishment but it became too much... So I texted Him, and I got not reply. From there I thought, "What if He's not replying because He's actually thinking on it?" and that didn't make it any easier on me. Long story short, through out the day I kept texting Him or messaging Him on Skype.

My punishment ended last night and I was able to talk with Him before W/we both went to bed. I was able to call Him and give Him a good night kiss, I was still pretty upset though (and sick) so I sounded really down. He reminded me that He loves me and said sorry for having to use this punishment. In my mind it's hard to believe that people aren't doing things to purposely hurt me and unfortunately Daddy is not exempt from this thought.

I don't know how more experienced subs can take punishments. I really hate to be a bad girl and create a fuss, but how do I properly calm myself down during these and just take it - no texting/messaging or calling Him until my punishment is over. I'm lucky that I didn't get it extended longer since I annoyed Him so much yesterday. Despite being trained and owned, I still have a lot to learn as a sub and it brings me down.

1 comment:

  1. im kind of in the same boat with my daddy i sent him a messege on fetlife(not the first time) and it really hurt his feelings and now i dont even know if i have a daddy. i question us alot due to my disablitiy and the fact that we are long distence.

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