Saturday, February 28, 2015

What is a Daddy Dom?

A Daddy (Mommy or any other Big) is a Dominant who takes on more of a parental role in their sub's (the little) life. Some Daddies are strict, while others are more relaxed. It all depends on the person, connection, and the power exchange. Daddies focus more on guidance and nurturing their little, helping them grow as a person and explore theirselves. This isn’t to say that other Doms don’t do the same but their reasons behind it may be different.

Being a Daddy is more than sex. A Daddy is more than having the ability to control. Being a Daddy is more than just giving spankings. "Daddy" is more than just a name or a title. It's a mindset, it's a personality, it's a way of being. And most importantly it's a great amount of responsibility.

To a Daddy, his little is his world and the feeling is mutual. He may see them through the eyes of a parent, but this is not to say that the relationship is incestuous at all, or that the Daddy takes the place of the little's father. They are his most prized possession and a work of art, not in terms of physical appearance, but showing his skill and care as a Dominant. They take on the responsibilities of their little's life, helping relieve some of the stress and guiding them through every day obstacles.

A Daddy sees potential in his little and does his best to bring it out. Think of finding a rough gem, it’s a gem crafter’s job to cut and shine that gem to show its true potential. Rules are set in place to make sure their little is taking care of themselves. These rules can apply to how they carry out their day, reminding them to take care of proper hygiene, allowing him to choose what they wear, making sure they’re eating healthy, and if they’re on medications that they’re taking them daily. These rules can also apply to internal factors such as encouraging a little to speak up if they’re feeling down, self conscious, or feel that their needs are not being met in the relationship. These rules of encouragement allow the little to speak their mind without fear of being punished or yelled at. And of course there can be rules set in place that are how the little should act towards their Daddy and how to meet his needs. It’s important to emphasize that these needs are not always sexual; submission can be carried out in many different ways. Chores and assignments may also be given to help teach the little responsibility.

When a little acts out of line, it's his job to teach them right from wrong. Punishments may be given to teach a lesson and they can range from physical punishments, to extra chores, to writing assignments, to loss of privileges. A Daddy does not like punishing his little though, in comparison to how a sadist likes to inflict pain on their bottom. There is no enjoyment in being disappointed and let down, having to correct behavior, or see their little cry with shame. The punishment is not about giving pleasure through pain but it's teaching a lesson and conditioning, providing an action and a lecture as to why it was wrong and what they can do differently to behave better. But after the punishment it's his job to remind the little that once it's over, the issue is dust in the wind.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Daddy's Sick

Daddy is very sick tonight. He started out with jaw pain Thursday evening and it quickly escalated to a radiating pain from his jaw and down his neck. Pain killers weren't working for him; the only thing that soothed the pain was swishing around or drinking cold water. At first we suspected that it was a simple toothache, then we thought maybe it was a wisdom tooth growing in wrong, but now we're more convinced that it's a decomposing nerve releasing gas that's trapped in the gum and under the tooth.

Daddy drifted off a few hours ago and woke up, deciding to go to the ER after realizing that his lymph nodes in his neck are inflamed and he has the chills. I'm hoping for the best outcome for him but I think he'll have to wait to schedule a root canal to solve the issue, and meanwhile just be given some powerful pain meds. Whatever happens though I just don't want to see him suffering.

It's times like this that I especially wish I was there. He's prone to migranes a lot and will sometimes sleep the entire day away due to the pain. I will admit that I miss him during those times but his health is more important. I always feel so useless though. No amount of e-kisses or blown kisses on cam will help. I hate to see him suffer because it upsets me.

As a Daddy it's his job to look after me and take care of me, but Daddies are humans too and sometimes they need TLC also. Some days I'll have to wear the big girl panties and take on my role as a loving housewife or maid. Like right now I'd set up a couple pills piled up against the wall of his bed and have him rest lying elevated to help with the pain. I'd make him some soup and jello to make sure that he's getting something in his stomach but without having to chew and apply pressure on his jaw. And of course I'd have have a damp, cool wash cloth ready to help cool down his body and an ice pack for his jaw and cheek. I'd do my best not to smother him (and that will be hard) but to let him rest and call for me if he needs something.

Get well soon, Daddy. Your health is important to me.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Topping from Bottom in DD/lg

I recently joined a couple BDSM groups on Facebook. A good discussion came up a few days on one of them about what is considered "topping from bottom", but in the same breath today I came across a post that I feel is a good example of it then rubbed me the wrong way:

"any littles get bratty on purpose to get punishments from your daddy?"

I suppose in the different D/s branches, there is more leniency with what is considered topping from bottom since littles get away with it a lot more and it's almost a norm for newbies. But I think it can be harmful to a dynamic over time and brings on disrespect.

Topping from bottom is define as:
"Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. This could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. "
-SubmissiveGuide; LadyKM 2009

 This is what I consider topping from bottom and I'm going to emphasis with traits I see from littles:

  • Manipulation
  • Purposely disobeying for "punishment", typically soft core spanking.
    Believe me, you don't want to get punishments and I'm talking about the real kind. Ask how many subs enjoy getting their mouth washed, time out, kneeling on a bag of rice, etc. Many will reply that it's not fun or enjoyable.
  • Expecting constant rewards for good behavior:
    Rewards are great to support good behavior, especially if it's a bad habit that your little has. But when your little begins to expect frequent rewards for little accomplishments then this becomes a problem.
  • Thinking that submission and being spoiled go hand in hand:
    I love gifts, especially when they're from Daddy. When I visited him, he bought me a lot of great things, nothing too extravagant but e.g every time we went to the store, he'd buy me téli fagyi. However, I do not submit to him to be spoiled (this kind of goes in hand with the last bullet). I am not with Daddy for gifts because my Daddy is not a sugar daddy.
  • "I'll do this for you, but what's in it for me?"
    I believe that submission means serving without any direct expectations to benefit yourself.* Serving your Daddy/Mommy should be pleasing for you not just physically but the joy in knowing you are making them happy.
     *As a submissive when you give up your control to your partner, part of the agreement is exchanging control for care and guidance.
If you'd like more general examples, check out 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom by LunaKM.

Something I've noticed about Tumblr's DD/lg community is that being bratty has become an excuse to get away with this. Now I understand that some Daddies/Mommies don't mind and that's fine. Whatever works for Y/you is none of my business. But for Daddies/Mommies who don't put up with this form of brattiness get called abusive or "fake Daddy" because He didn't meet her expectations.

I would categorize brattiness into two categories:

  1. Playful/childish brat
  2. Entitled brat

I am a bit of a brat, I have a temper and can be sassy without meaning to so no where am I implying that I'm flawless. I like to act childish bratty though, but it's all in good humor and fun & games between Daddy and I.

If your Daddy/Mommy speaks up about your behavior and mentions one (or more) of the bullets above and you a throw a fit, rather than discuss, then you're not helping yourself. If you're more concerned about your pleasure, desires, and needs over Theirs then you may not be a submissive. This isn't meant to talk you down, it's just an observation based on behavior. Not all submissives are the same but there are some similar and shared characteristics and like MonogamousMaster says, willingness is one of them. Some people have more dominant personalities than others and this can affect your ability and willingness to serve another person.