Monday, February 2, 2015

Topping from Bottom in DD/lg

I recently joined a couple BDSM groups on Facebook. A good discussion came up a few days on one of them about what is considered "topping from bottom", but in the same breath today I came across a post that I feel is a good example of it then rubbed me the wrong way:

"any littles get bratty on purpose to get punishments from your daddy?"

I suppose in the different D/s branches, there is more leniency with what is considered topping from bottom since littles get away with it a lot more and it's almost a norm for newbies. But I think it can be harmful to a dynamic over time and brings on disrespect.

Topping from bottom is define as:
"Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. This could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. "
-SubmissiveGuide; LadyKM 2009

 This is what I consider topping from bottom and I'm going to emphasis with traits I see from littles:

  • Manipulation
  • Purposely disobeying for "punishment", typically soft core spanking.
    Believe me, you don't want to get punishments and I'm talking about the real kind. Ask how many subs enjoy getting their mouth washed, time out, kneeling on a bag of rice, etc. Many will reply that it's not fun or enjoyable.
  • Expecting constant rewards for good behavior:
    Rewards are great to support good behavior, especially if it's a bad habit that your little has. But when your little begins to expect frequent rewards for little accomplishments then this becomes a problem.
  • Thinking that submission and being spoiled go hand in hand:
    I love gifts, especially when they're from Daddy. When I visited him, he bought me a lot of great things, nothing too extravagant but e.g every time we went to the store, he'd buy me téli fagyi. However, I do not submit to him to be spoiled (this kind of goes in hand with the last bullet). I am not with Daddy for gifts because my Daddy is not a sugar daddy.
  • "I'll do this for you, but what's in it for me?"
    I believe that submission means serving without any direct expectations to benefit yourself.* Serving your Daddy/Mommy should be pleasing for you not just physically but the joy in knowing you are making them happy.
     *As a submissive when you give up your control to your partner, part of the agreement is exchanging control for care and guidance.
If you'd like more general examples, check out 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom by LunaKM.

Something I've noticed about Tumblr's DD/lg community is that being bratty has become an excuse to get away with this. Now I understand that some Daddies/Mommies don't mind and that's fine. Whatever works for Y/you is none of my business. But for Daddies/Mommies who don't put up with this form of brattiness get called abusive or "fake Daddy" because He didn't meet her expectations.

I would categorize brattiness into two categories:

  1. Playful/childish brat
  2. Entitled brat

I am a bit of a brat, I have a temper and can be sassy without meaning to so no where am I implying that I'm flawless. I like to act childish bratty though, but it's all in good humor and fun & games between Daddy and I.

If your Daddy/Mommy speaks up about your behavior and mentions one (or more) of the bullets above and you a throw a fit, rather than discuss, then you're not helping yourself. If you're more concerned about your pleasure, desires, and needs over Theirs then you may not be a submissive. This isn't meant to talk you down, it's just an observation based on behavior. Not all submissives are the same but there are some similar and shared characteristics and like MonogamousMaster says, willingness is one of them. Some people have more dominant personalities than others and this can affect your ability and willingness to serve another person.


  1. I just found your site and love it :) I'm a little, too and I agree with what you're saying here. Trying to get bad attention or a punishment is trying to take control and is not being submissive or respectful to Daddy. Boooo.

  2. OK, this bothers me. If you're not supposed to do this stuff, how does your dom know that you are still consenting?

  3. OK, this bothers me. If you're not supposed to do this stuff, how does your dom know that you are still consenting?

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