Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Single for a Day - Finding a Daddy on Collarspace (Collarme)

Collarspace (formally known as collarme) is a popular BDSM dating site, I think that it's sole purpose too. It allows you to upload pictures, have a profile, add a (small) list of kinks, and uploaded videos, audio, and written journal entries. There are also forums/message boards and chat rooms to talk in. When you make your profile and upload your picture, it circulates to other people run into it and that's how you start to get flooded with messages.

I used Collarme a few years back to explore my Domme side. I was solely looking for online roleplays because I didn't feel educated or responsible enough to own someone but I digress. I used to get some of the most awful messages from submissive men, not disrespectful but they lacked self respect. I had one guy asked me to cam with him on Skype to watch him kill himself and he'd give me all his possessions. And of course I had the occasional Doms message me trying to "make me" submit to them.

So I joined Collarspace similar to how I did with Fetlife. I picked out a new username, still one that's sexual, filled out my profile (this time more in depth than on Fetlife but not as detailed as my personal ad), and uploaded some pictures: the first one was nude with my face, but my arm covering my breasts, second picture was bra and panties, third picture was just my face, and the fourth picture was my with kitty ears nude on the bead showing off my back and bum.

In my profile I stated:
I'm an 18 year old babygirl in search of a loving Daddy. I have never been owned before and am looking for a Daddy who's patient, loving, and willing to help me learn about myself. This would be my first time exploring DD/lg. I'm looking for guidance and someone to please, love, and serve. I'd also love rules to help keep me in line, but I promise I'm not too bratty and I don't bite much. 

Since there aren't really any groups like Fetlife dedicated to themed personals (like the DD/lg personals group I posted in), your profile is all you've got to make your point and you're free-game for anyone.

A day later this is what my feed looked like  (take note of the pages):
Since that time I now have 21 pages of messages as of 11:05 pm.

The good :

The bad:

So what about the rest of the messages?
They were mainly horny, conversation starters, compliments, or people who couldn't bother to read my profile. They were a lot of just friendly messages, so that's always nice. I didn't really talk much about my vanilla interests on my profile so that's a mistake that I made, so it's no wonder I got a lot of "Hey how are you?s". But the majority answering to my profile were like the bad section.

Like I mentioned before, when looking for a partner, I really enjoy the other person taking the time to read about me and assess if we're compatible, then message me and tell me about themselves. I like effort. If you give me your time, I'll give you my time. Because as an unowned sub, I owe no one anything.

Here are some things I've noticed:
  • Most of the men on this site ignored the fact that I was looking for a Daddy. A lot of them insisted on making me their slave. 
  • Couples will message you even if you state that you're not looking for couples or a poly household
  • If you read a message and don't respond to it, you're accused of "catfishing"
  • You will be demanded to do a Yahoo or Skype call otherwise you're a fake
  • Most men are Masters (nothing wrong with that at all)
  • Many refer to littles as "daughters" (and granddaughter), giving me the impression they're seeking incest roleplay
  • Many are looking for 24/7 dynamics, which isn't exactly great for beginners
  • Lots of entitlement
  • Relocation is brought up even before the conversation starts (this happened sometimes on Fetlife too)
I'll also point out that I don't like men who approach single littles saying "Come to Daddy/*insert action* Daddy." Do not address us like we're yours. The simply fact is that at that moment, they are not my Daddy. I will not view them as my Daddy or treat them like my Daddy. They're a stranger. But this is a person pet peeve.

A lot of these men have seriously inflated egos and think they're the cream of the crop. If you point this out or state that you're not interested, many will throw hissy fits. Here's an example: someone got mad at me so they made an account with the same name, same location, age and then sent me a message:

Compared to Fetlife, I haven't received any messages sending me links to learn how to protect myself during my search, like I got from some people on Fetlife. But then again, you should have basic knowledge before searching for a Daddy or any other Dom, so this is understandable. Do you don't just bake a cake without knowing the recipe.

My opinion:
If you're seriously looking for a partner, use this site with caution. Be sure you make it clear what you're looking for, especially in terms of a power exchange because most of these guys are looking for TPEs, which are not safe for beginners. Make sure you find someone who will take the vanilla part of your relationship just as seriously as the D/s one. And if someone's asking about a relocation from the beginning, they're probably taking things way too fast. I personally wouldn't ask that until I've at least talk with the person enough to say I know and trust them.

If you want some good laughs at how disrespectful, entitled, and desperate some people are then knock yourself out.

I still prefer Fetlife to Collarme.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Single for a Day - The Search for a Daddy on Fetlife!

My girlfriend and I made a "fake" profile on Fetlife today. We originally did this to see how many creepy messages we could receive, especially after stating that I'm single and looking for a Daddy. With Collarme out of the picture (just found out it's under a new name now), Fetlife seems to be known as the meat market now, so a lot of newbie littles avoid it upon hearing about the fake Daddies, abusers, etc. I not only wanted to get some laughs out of this (who doesn't love desperate hook up messages?) and to shed some light on the site's community.

I've been a member of Fetlife since 2011, so not that long. In the beginning I had my fair share of creeps and horny bastards. I got messages from guys who didn't bother to read my profile and ignored the fact that I already was in a relationship. But as time went on it died down. These days I'm lucky to get a message that isn't from a friend or someone in my local area. And speaking of friends, I've met some amazing people in the past 2 years.

I tried to make this as convincing as I could for a newbie to the lifestyle and someone completely new to Fetlife. I chose a ridiculously sexual name that actually ended up contradicting my personal ad. I didn't steal any ladies' pictures, I simply used my own. I uploaded 6 pictures: 1 showing my face (the profile pic), 1 in a maid dress, 1 in bra and panties, and the others were completely nude showing off the merchandise.

I set my bait out to catch some horny fishies and set out to make a personal ad. I had a hard time writing the ad, originally I wanted to create a persona for this but I ended up writing an ad about myself and my girlfriend, basically meshing our personalities and interests together. Believe me, it really didn't take long for the messages to flood in.

It's 3:30 am, only a few hours since I made the account and the personal ad. I have 4 pages of messages (each page contains about 20 messages) . I'm not going to list every message I received but I will point out the ones that stood out as shining examples.


The bad:

Out of 4 pages of messages those 3 are really the only ones who focused more on sex than developing a relationship. The rest of the messages were either decent and friendly, sparking conversations, or just lack-luster (e.g. "hi, how are you?"). So the idea that most men on the site are predators seems to be a little off for me, however it has been past midnight my time so I'm going to keep this profile up for a bit longer and continue to watch.

So what sets apart the good and bad? In my opinion it's respect and maturity. I don't want to hear about how you're going to eat me out. I don't want to hear about or see your "10 inch" dick. If you wouldn't approach a lady in person this way, don't do the same online. The Daddies in the first group put effort into their messages, not only asking about myself or pointing out my looks, but they told me about themselves, their experience, and what they're looking for. And the top message even provided informational links for newbies to protect themselves. Gold star for you, blue smiley face, bringing on the education from the get-go! These men wanted to prove that they were they real deal and cared about an emotional connection, not just someone to control and fuck.

As for the comments, they weren't too bad either. I mean some were obviously sexual in nature but I'm pretty used to that and I've received worse. I know some people don't appreciate those especially on pictures that don't contain nudity.

With all that being said, that's not to say your experience will be the same. And when it comes to looking for a partner on Fetlife, you have to specific, set your boundaries, and use some common sense. If someone sounds too good to be true, they just might be. Ask for references if they claim to have been in the lifestyle for a decent amount of time and have had past subs. And don't fall for the men who openly come out to you saying that they're living 2 lives; one with their wife and one to explore the lifestyle. That situation never ends well for the kinky partner. It's important to know what qualities make a good Dom and sets them apart from an abuser. This is why the Acid Test exists and many other resources for submissives.

A lot of older members of the site will tell you that Fetlife is better if used for its original purpose - a social network. A place for like-minded people to connect, have discussions, share pictures, and find local meet ups to attend. And of course going to munches is a great way to meet people who may have connections, who knows, maybe you'll find your partner through one of them.

So littles, if you're into older men (age gap fetish) with lots of experience, a big heart, and much to offer then Fetlife may be the place for you instead of searching on Tumblr. Tumblr is becoming over crowded with "Daddies" who are just posting dick pics, spamming their Kik, and leaving unnecessary comments on personal photos.