Sunday, March 1, 2015

Single for a Day - The Search for a Daddy on Fetlife!

My girlfriend and I made a "fake" profile on Fetlife today. We originally did this to see how many creepy messages we could receive, especially after stating that I'm single and looking for a Daddy. With Collarme out of the picture (just found out it's under a new name now), Fetlife seems to be known as the meat market now, so a lot of newbie littles avoid it upon hearing about the fake Daddies, abusers, etc. I not only wanted to get some laughs out of this (who doesn't love desperate hook up messages?) and to shed some light on the site's community.

I've been a member of Fetlife since 2011, so not that long. In the beginning I had my fair share of creeps and horny bastards. I got messages from guys who didn't bother to read my profile and ignored the fact that I already was in a relationship. But as time went on it died down. These days I'm lucky to get a message that isn't from a friend or someone in my local area. And speaking of friends, I've met some amazing people in the past 2 years.

I tried to make this as convincing as I could for a newbie to the lifestyle and someone completely new to Fetlife. I chose a ridiculously sexual name that actually ended up contradicting my personal ad. I didn't steal any ladies' pictures, I simply used my own. I uploaded 6 pictures: 1 showing my face (the profile pic), 1 in a maid dress, 1 in bra and panties, and the others were completely nude showing off the merchandise.

I set my bait out to catch some horny fishies and set out to make a personal ad. I had a hard time writing the ad, originally I wanted to create a persona for this but I ended up writing an ad about myself and my girlfriend, basically meshing our personalities and interests together. Believe me, it really didn't take long for the messages to flood in.

It's 3:30 am, only a few hours since I made the account and the personal ad. I have 4 pages of messages (each page contains about 20 messages) . I'm not going to list every message I received but I will point out the ones that stood out as shining examples.


The bad:

Out of 4 pages of messages those 3 are really the only ones who focused more on sex than developing a relationship. The rest of the messages were either decent and friendly, sparking conversations, or just lack-luster (e.g. "hi, how are you?"). So the idea that most men on the site are predators seems to be a little off for me, however it has been past midnight my time so I'm going to keep this profile up for a bit longer and continue to watch.

So what sets apart the good and bad? In my opinion it's respect and maturity. I don't want to hear about how you're going to eat me out. I don't want to hear about or see your "10 inch" dick. If you wouldn't approach a lady in person this way, don't do the same online. The Daddies in the first group put effort into their messages, not only asking about myself or pointing out my looks, but they told me about themselves, their experience, and what they're looking for. And the top message even provided informational links for newbies to protect themselves. Gold star for you, blue smiley face, bringing on the education from the get-go! These men wanted to prove that they were they real deal and cared about an emotional connection, not just someone to control and fuck.

As for the comments, they weren't too bad either. I mean some were obviously sexual in nature but I'm pretty used to that and I've received worse. I know some people don't appreciate those especially on pictures that don't contain nudity.

With all that being said, that's not to say your experience will be the same. And when it comes to looking for a partner on Fetlife, you have to specific, set your boundaries, and use some common sense. If someone sounds too good to be true, they just might be. Ask for references if they claim to have been in the lifestyle for a decent amount of time and have had past subs. And don't fall for the men who openly come out to you saying that they're living 2 lives; one with their wife and one to explore the lifestyle. That situation never ends well for the kinky partner. It's important to know what qualities make a good Dom and sets them apart from an abuser. This is why the Acid Test exists and many other resources for submissives.

A lot of older members of the site will tell you that Fetlife is better if used for its original purpose - a social network. A place for like-minded people to connect, have discussions, share pictures, and find local meet ups to attend. And of course going to munches is a great way to meet people who may have connections, who knows, maybe you'll find your partner through one of them.

So littles, if you're into older men (age gap fetish) with lots of experience, a big heart, and much to offer then Fetlife may be the place for you instead of searching on Tumblr. Tumblr is becoming over crowded with "Daddies" who are just posting dick pics, spamming their Kik, and leaving unnecessary comments on personal photos.


  1. My ex-girlfriend has a sexual addiction related to her sexual abuse as a teenager. She is addicted to FetLife. We fought over it, she hit me, and went to jail for six months. FetLife is not an innocent playground for kinksters. It destroys lives.

    1. Its incredible how women think filtering dominance with sex, which they have to know is the primary purpose of any if these sites, to somehow belittle, is a breakdown approach to unconditional conditioning. What a terrible way to isolate and desolate yourself all at once. You might as well sit in a cage all day then, and stay there.

  2. Mr/Ms. Anonymous. I wonder if this will reach you or not. Either way, to you and anyone else who believes what you've commented, I'd just like to point out that Fetlife didn't destroy your life nor your relationship with your ex. She did that. She chose to go online over having a loving relationship with you. That is not the fault of a website which can no more control her actions than an ant can control an ant eater. It was her choice to make and she chose wrong. Don't condemn the website, which was just her method of satisfying the addiction. And don't blame her past either. Blaming your actions on someone else or a period of your life just leaves the door open to continue the behaviour. There are plenty of people who go through sexual abuse and don't become addicted to sex. Before you say I don't know what I'm talking about, let me say this. I am a sex addict. I've had no sexual abuse in my life. Sec was my escape and I made similar choices to your ex in my time. I am trying to get over my addiction. The first stage is honesty with yourself. She wasn't honest with herself. So the relationship ended. Its as simple as that.

    In terms of the blog post itself I found it very amusing and its nice to know there are a lot of men who are genuine on a website with such a negative following. I'm a Mommy/Domme, although I've only just realised it. I'm still learning myself and hope I can make my princess as happy as your Daddy so obviously makes you :)

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