Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Single for a Day - Finding a Daddy on Collarspace (Collarme)

Collarspace (formally known as collarme) is a popular BDSM dating site, I think that it's sole purpose too. It allows you to upload pictures, have a profile, add a (small) list of kinks, and uploaded videos, audio, and written journal entries. There are also forums/message boards and chat rooms to talk in. When you make your profile and upload your picture, it circulates to other people run into it and that's how you start to get flooded with messages.

I used Collarme a few years back to explore my Domme side. I was solely looking for online roleplays because I didn't feel educated or responsible enough to own someone but I digress. I used to get some of the most awful messages from submissive men, not disrespectful but they lacked self respect. I had one guy asked me to cam with him on Skype to watch him kill himself and he'd give me all his possessions. And of course I had the occasional Doms message me trying to "make me" submit to them.

So I joined Collarspace similar to how I did with Fetlife. I picked out a new username, still one that's sexual, filled out my profile (this time more in depth than on Fetlife but not as detailed as my personal ad), and uploaded some pictures: the first one was nude with my face, but my arm covering my breasts, second picture was bra and panties, third picture was just my face, and the fourth picture was my with kitty ears nude on the bead showing off my back and bum.

In my profile I stated:
I'm an 18 year old babygirl in search of a loving Daddy. I have never been owned before and am looking for a Daddy who's patient, loving, and willing to help me learn about myself. This would be my first time exploring DD/lg. I'm looking for guidance and someone to please, love, and serve. I'd also love rules to help keep me in line, but I promise I'm not too bratty and I don't bite much. 

Since there aren't really any groups like Fetlife dedicated to themed personals (like the DD/lg personals group I posted in), your profile is all you've got to make your point and you're free-game for anyone.

A day later this is what my feed looked like  (take note of the pages):
Since that time I now have 21 pages of messages as of 11:05 pm.

The good :

The bad:

So what about the rest of the messages?
They were mainly horny, conversation starters, compliments, or people who couldn't bother to read my profile. They were a lot of just friendly messages, so that's always nice. I didn't really talk much about my vanilla interests on my profile so that's a mistake that I made, so it's no wonder I got a lot of "Hey how are you?s". But the majority answering to my profile were like the bad section.

Like I mentioned before, when looking for a partner, I really enjoy the other person taking the time to read about me and assess if we're compatible, then message me and tell me about themselves. I like effort. If you give me your time, I'll give you my time. Because as an unowned sub, I owe no one anything.

Here are some things I've noticed:
  • Most of the men on this site ignored the fact that I was looking for a Daddy. A lot of them insisted on making me their slave. 
  • Couples will message you even if you state that you're not looking for couples or a poly household
  • If you read a message and don't respond to it, you're accused of "catfishing"
  • You will be demanded to do a Yahoo or Skype call otherwise you're a fake
  • Most men are Masters (nothing wrong with that at all)
  • Many refer to littles as "daughters" (and granddaughter), giving me the impression they're seeking incest roleplay
  • Many are looking for 24/7 dynamics, which isn't exactly great for beginners
  • Lots of entitlement
  • Relocation is brought up even before the conversation starts (this happened sometimes on Fetlife too)
I'll also point out that I don't like men who approach single littles saying "Come to Daddy/*insert action* Daddy." Do not address us like we're yours. The simply fact is that at that moment, they are not my Daddy. I will not view them as my Daddy or treat them like my Daddy. They're a stranger. But this is a person pet peeve.

A lot of these men have seriously inflated egos and think they're the cream of the crop. If you point this out or state that you're not interested, many will throw hissy fits. Here's an example: someone got mad at me so they made an account with the same name, same location, age and then sent me a message:

Compared to Fetlife, I haven't received any messages sending me links to learn how to protect myself during my search, like I got from some people on Fetlife. But then again, you should have basic knowledge before searching for a Daddy or any other Dom, so this is understandable. Do you don't just bake a cake without knowing the recipe.

My opinion:
If you're seriously looking for a partner, use this site with caution. Be sure you make it clear what you're looking for, especially in terms of a power exchange because most of these guys are looking for TPEs, which are not safe for beginners. Make sure you find someone who will take the vanilla part of your relationship just as seriously as the D/s one. And if someone's asking about a relocation from the beginning, they're probably taking things way too fast. I personally wouldn't ask that until I've at least talk with the person enough to say I know and trust them.

If you want some good laughs at how disrespectful, entitled, and desperate some people are then knock yourself out.

I still prefer Fetlife to Collarme.


  1. You should try this same concept but as a bi guy to see how many if any sorta response you get. I say bi to at least open it up a bit to more people. I'd be curious to see the results and how much they differ.

  2. The first one I don't think was completely bad...the others not so much. I posted a photo of me in my undies and garters on Fetlife..and got a similar result.

  3. That is truly overwhelming, 20 pages of messages ? From a man's perspective, I shouldn't even bother sending a message to a person who newly joined the site. The odds of her reading it is very slim.

    This is very discouraging for sincere Dominants who write personalized messages.

    Thanks for sharing hon.

  4. I may also add that the first one seems the most fake. It is a standard copy/paste, typical lie of married with a condition preventing.... Her condition is ignorance, lol !

  5. So what are your advice for men on collarme ? How they should message if they want to get attention, in the middle of this sea ?

  6. This is considerably different to my own personal experience. I'm a dominant bisexual woman, in my 40's, seeking a submissive female, so we're looking for a considerably different dynamic.
    I'm not in the US either.
    Firstly, I'm not sure I understand something here; you had been on CS a few years before add dominant but then created a profile as an 18 year old baby girl. That doesn't add up but maybe I'm missing something.
    As I'm sure is true of most women, I got more mail when I first joined. Maybe 20 per day. I'd gone to considerable trouble with my profile to make it abundantly clear what I was and wasn't looking for but, as we know, many don't read the profile content. I therefore got quite a bit of unwanted mail from submissive men. The mail filters quickly solved that issue. Now I was getting up to 10 emails of a reasonable standard each day. That's not to say that they are realistic or were written with what I would call good grammer and syntax but they were polite and generally thoughtful.
    It doesn't surprise me at all that many of your respondents were seeking incest roleplay. What else is someone going to take from terminology like Daddy daughter? If that's not the intent then using terminology that doesn't imply it would be advisable.
    In general my experience of Collarspace has been a benign and entirely pleasant one.
    I would add that the only mail I tend to get on Fetlife is chatty, friendly stuff of other women. Fetlife, after all, is not a dating site.
    It's a shame to see that some folks are struggling or having a negative expertise when it's been so positive for me but I wish everyone will in their search.

    1. Apologies, a couple of auto complete typos in there.
      Line 6 should say 'as a', not add.
      At the bottom it should say 'experience' instead of expertise.

    2. No one used the terminology "Daddy daughter" as you put it except for the guys that don't understand what a DD/lg relationship is, oh and you, you used the wrong terminology Lynn.

  7. This is an interesting blog and reflects much of my experience on collarspace as a confident submissive woman who knows what she is looking for and also gets a lot of abuse. I like the way you have sub-typed the responses.

    I would disagree with the response of Lynn above - however your experience may be different Lynn as you are not a submissive woman.

    People often misunderstand the Daddy/little girl dynamic - there is a massive difference between a D/lg dynamic and age/paedophilia -tinged play. I used to think they were the same until I got involved with the former - in fact they're VERY different, although some blur the boundaries. I think the above comment has misunderstood the differentiation between these two (as have many of the respondents to your collarspace profile).

    I assume you did this as a social experiment - it's a good one. The only criticism I have is that it is a little bad taste to paste the screen shot of your inbox with all of the respondents' screen names in them. Whilst collarspace is in the public domain it is a little like "speaking out of class". It's good that the individual message senders aren't identifiable by their names, but a sharp reminder to all that our messages and profile could end up on blogs and the like!

  8. One thing I would recommend (but of course it is up to you) is don't do the nude photos. I understand you are comfortable with them and should be able to post them on a site like that, but they can bring out the worst in people too or make it look (to a narrow mind) that you just want to tease and play. Of course you have the right to do what you like with out people acting insane too.

  9. No one is serious about anything on CS--that's the main problem..

  10. FetLife is okay if you want lectures from sanctimonious people on what a "proper" Dom/Domme/sub/slave/Daddy/little/.... (delete as appropriate) should do.

    CollarSpace is okay if you want to meet lots of people trying to hook up but most with no idea of how to go about it, and few with good manners.

  11. Bang on anon user (21/11/15), although CS has its fair share of sanctimonious women oh believe they know what a "true Dom" is.

    1. I'm the same Anon as above BTW.

      That is absolutely true too. There is also a large set of sub women out there who expect you to be telepathic. Their profile says little of use - often lots of things they do not want, little about what they do. Then when you ask a simple (and polite) question to shine some light on their motivations and taste you get a reply (not always polite) that more or less says "if you were a true Dom you would know".

  12. Lol! You really expect someone to tell you their life story on their first post? Lol Wow.

  13. Lol! You really expect someone to tell you their life story on their first post? Lol Wow.

  14. You could also try www.sorkado.com

  15. I wonder if you've figured out yet that well over 50% (some people estimate 75%+) of the profiles on CS are fakes and liars. Many are just on to collect pics. Many just want to masturbate to erotic chat. It's a known fact many on their pretend to the opposite sex just to get their jollies.
    There are many pretending to be Dom(mes) who aren't, many pretending to be subs/slaves who aren't.
    Any photos of them posted are very likely not them or pics that are 10 years old.
    Many, many of them, especially men will be married and not really have any intention of every meeting.
    Many are scammers and at some point want you to pay for something, either to join a web site to "chat privately" or in the end after you "fall in love" need you to pay their expenses to travel to you, etc.
    There is one good way to eliminate many of the fakes quickly--insist you both go on cam. That doesn't make certain they're real but it quickly gets rid of many.
    If they say they don't have a cam tell them to send you a CLEAR selfie holding up a piece of paper next to their face with something you've told them to write on it.

  16. Searching for the Best Dating Website? Create an account to find your perfect date.

  17. If you'd like an alternative to casually dating girls and trying to figure out the right thing to do...

    If you would rather have women hit on YOU, instead of spending your nights prowling around in crowded pubs and nightclubs...

    Then I encourage you to view this short video to learn a shocking little secret that has the potential to get you your own harem of beautiful women: