Monday, August 3, 2015

Feeling Less Little

Even though I'm still pretty active in DD/lg communities, I've been noticing a shift in interest and roles in our dynamic. When I'm with him, I definitely feel more like a pet (puppy girl).

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it either but I remind myself that I shouldn't be concerned with labels. I'm happy with both roles, they fit me well, but I feel like I'm abandoning my little side. I look at myself as a little and compare myself to others and I don't feel like I quite match up anymore. I do have little interests but I lack a lot of things that I see are really common traits.

It's funny because when newbies confront me about this observation, I reassure them that being a little is more than just how you appear and present yourself online. But I'm feeling more and more pressured to present myself a certain way or not be taken seriously. I have no interest in baby talk or acting like a spoiled brat. I also really like the idea of having more rules and rituals, but none of them (or my current rules) really match up with what a parental-figure would give, which is how a lot of rules are placed for littles. Both of us see no point in food restrictions, bed times, potty limitations, and stuff like that.

I guess it also doesn't help that I don't feel like I fit in in the community, at least the Tumblr one. Aside from my personal issues with it, I don't think I act "little enough", and faking a little persona is the last thing I want to do. I guess a disconnection with the community has probably added to this.

On the flip side, my girlfriend is a new little and we eagerly look forward to having little play dates together when I get back home and visit her. I also still call my Dom "Daddy" most of the time and have some little tendencies when we're out and about. He seems to be fine with me taking on either role, so I'm not worried about that. I'm hoping that I can find a happy balance that suits me and my relationships.