Monday, August 3, 2015

Feeling Less Little

Even though I'm still pretty active in DD/lg communities, I've been noticing a shift in interest and roles in our dynamic. When I'm with him, I definitely feel more like a pet (puppy girl).

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it either but I remind myself that I shouldn't be concerned with labels. I'm happy with both roles, they fit me well, but I feel like I'm abandoning my little side. I look at myself as a little and compare myself to others and I don't feel like I quite match up anymore. I do have little interests but I lack a lot of things that I see are really common traits.

It's funny because when newbies confront me about this observation, I reassure them that being a little is more than just how you appear and present yourself online. But I'm feeling more and more pressured to present myself a certain way or not be taken seriously. I have no interest in baby talk or acting like a spoiled brat. I also really like the idea of having more rules and rituals, but none of them (or my current rules) really match up with what a parental-figure would give, which is how a lot of rules are placed for littles. Both of us see no point in food restrictions, bed times, potty limitations, and stuff like that.

I guess it also doesn't help that I don't feel like I fit in in the community, at least the Tumblr one. Aside from my personal issues with it, I don't think I act "little enough", and faking a little persona is the last thing I want to do. I guess a disconnection with the community has probably added to this.

On the flip side, my girlfriend is a new little and we eagerly look forward to having little play dates together when I get back home and visit her. I also still call my Dom "Daddy" most of the time and have some little tendencies when we're out and about. He seems to be fine with me taking on either role, so I'm not worried about that. I'm hoping that I can find a happy balance that suits me and my relationships.

7 comments:

  1. I can see why some some of those 'little' rules don't tie into how you see your little side although I can't speak for you personally. What I find I do need and am getting is more is the structure and rules of an older child (I'm more a Middle with a littles side) that are more around telling the truth, respecting my caregiver and carrying out any chores and tasks I'm given.
    Balancing that side of your life with your 'Big' side isn't easy - sometimes your 'big' side can swamp it and is only something I feel you can work on as it works in your own life.
    Hugs, Jo.

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  2. Oh sweetie, I totally understand. Here's the deal... you (and your daddy) are living a very REAL life! Not a story book fantasy, not a fiction, not an online hallucination... As Einstein said "comparison is the thief of joy". Don't let yourself get caught up in any perceived expectations other than those of you and him... that's truly all that matters!! Do you trust him? Do you have the space to communicate your feelings/thoughts and know that they will be heard and acted upon? Are you growing? Loving? Evolving?
    Absolutely no one aside from the two of you is in or responsible for what you have... let go of the need to look like some particular thing to anyone aside from the two of you.
    If you close your eyes and feel in the depth of your guts ~ is your current moment (the relationship as it is right now) one that makes your heart smile? Your body respond? Your best self shine?
    You chose one another and have everything you need within one another. Find your comfort and solace (and acceptance!) within the truth of your creation ~the US that is you and he. You are allowed to live and love and experience your Us and that truth, no matter what it looks or sound like to anyone else. The rules, expectations, and manifestations are yours alone... if they resonate your collective truth, they're yours and they are PERFECT, no matter what. ~ bless you both. Findingmywaytodaddy from tumblr

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  4. I don't see why you can't call yourself a "little pet" or something of that title (if it brings you more comfort).

    However, I find myself not being able to identity with most of the littles I have seen (at least not on Fet, where I'm decently active). I do not take part in diaper play and never will. I feel like that is an expectation from everyone who deems themselves to be a "Daddy" figure.

    I don't need my Daddy to give me any of the things you listed actually.

    I do however, need him to tuck me in. I also steal up all the blankets, stuffies, and most of his tops. (My little side hoards them, and makes them into her own little nini nest). However, my little is probably about 5. She needs some structure and guidance, but she is totally chill with a coloring book all by herself. Until she realizes she is lonely.

    I tend to be one, that has a little side...that acts more like I have a multiple personality disorder...

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  5. Thank you for your thoughts on a lifestyle I've just begun to evolve to. I have daddy . We are dicussing collaring (there are do many types) trust is the core


    Sent from my iPhone


    Sent from my iPhone

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