Thursday, December 18, 2014

I'm His Forever

On Tuesday my collar arrived in the mail. Daddy unpacked it and we exchanged keys, since there were two and I'll need one for when I get back home. I'll explain more about that in another post, most likely a review post for the shop owner and future buyers.

Daddy had me kneel in front of the bed where He sat and he pulled me close. He gave a little speech about how I'm now His forever, I can't remember the exact wording but it was very sweet and he put the collar around my neck. After he locked it we shared a kiss and I got really emotional, so I ended up hugging him pretty tight and fighting back tears of joy.

Here are some pictures we took that night:

Monday, December 8, 2014

Anxiety and BDSM

I get a lot of questions from littles asking how they can take part in the lifestyle even though they have anxiety or past trauma that caused PTSD. While I know next to nothing about trauma, trauma therapy, and how to approach heavy triggers in BDSM, I can speak from experience with panic disorder.

While I can't speak for all littles with anxiety disorders, aside from panic attacks I get extremely insecure and paranoid. I'm constantly worried about my behavior around people: Am I too hyper that I come off as annoying? Am I too friendly that I come off as being fake? Are those people laughing at me or are they laughing about something else and I just happen to be walking past? Am I a burden to Daddy with my mental illnesses? What if people are only friends with me because they pity me? What if I get an attack while giving Daddy a blow job and throw up on Him?

As you can see I would be a girl that some men or women would call, "high maintenance". I need lots of reassurance, attention, and support. Not everyone can put up with mental illnesses, either because they have their own or because they lack the knowledge behind it and how to help. If you're not willing to put up with your little's "bad side" or mental health issues, you don't deserve them at their best.

As a Daddy or Mommy, your job is to care for you little in many different ways. When your little has an anxiety disorder or a history of trauma, more patience, understanding, and care is required. People have different coping methods for dealing with their anxiety and calming down. What may work for me may not work for others. You need to understand your little's symptoms and work with them to see how to nip the attack in the bus or calm them down after the peak.

Dealing with your little's anxiety in general:

A common idea for helping a loved one with anxiety is to simply be supportive. Remove your little from the situation or the trigger and tell them to take deep breaths (especially if hyperventilation occurs) and count slowly with each inhale. Talk to your little in a soothing and calming voice; avoid raising your voice as it may startle them more. Speak words of encouragement and positive messages such as, "Everything's okay. You're going to be okay and it will pass."

Do not tell them, "You have nothing to worry about." While this is a sweet (yet generic) statement, if the little has panic disorder, we known that we have nothing to worry about yet the attacks still come randomly. We don't choose to worry or have attacks. This statement is almost as bad as telling a depressed person, "You have nothing to be sad about. People have it worse than you." Everyone deals with stress differently.

Do not touch your little unless asked. I've heard this from friends who also deal with anxiety, hugging is a real hit or miss for calming attacks. Most of the time only a select amount of people can get away with hugging and a back rub without creating more of a sense of panic.

Never ever shame your little for having an attack or for asking for your help. It doesn't matter how small the issue is, just don't do it. You're supposed to make them feel safe, not shame them and make them feel worse for having something they have little to no control over. After I have an attack I feel mortified and want to cry, the last thing I need is for someone I love to give me a hard time and magnify those feelings.

Anxiety and the lifestyle:

Communication with limits and safe words are going to be your best friend. Whether you're into bondage, S/M, or D/s dynamic you and your partner need to have a safe word picked out. This is even more important with anxiety because that one word can stop an entire scene and bring on the needed (after) care. You can choose an overall word or have two: use one for something that's pushing their limit, and the other to signify that something in the scene is setting off an attack.

Take note of your little's body language and check in with them every so often, even if they haven't used their safe word. For some littles, there's some shame and embarrassment in using the safe word due to the fear of disappointing their Daddy or Mommy. Remind them that there's nothing wrong with needing to pause or stop a scene.

With bondage it's best to start of with small and simple ties. If your little is curious about bondage/shibari but has anxiety, work your way up until there is a level of comfort established. Start off with simple arm restraints and ask them how they feel. Have equipment near by such as a cutting utensil (especially for difficult ties) to undo them if your little begins to feel negatively restrained, frightened, or even uncomfortable.

It's very important to have safety equipment near by and your handy-dandy aftercare kit. Always be prepared.

Friday, December 5, 2014

A Year Later: Thoughts on CG/l instead of DD/lg

In the past year there's been a split between the DD/lg community. If you remember my immature post from last year venting about the name change, it has really caught on since then and a lot of newbies think that this is the correct and official term for the dynamic. However DD/lg has been around for a very long time and up until Tumblr's social justice community got a hold of it, there were no real issues with the name.

The most common reason I've seen for changing the name of the dynamic is to be more inclusive. While I do agree that to new comers, the name does sound restrictive but you would think that it's common sense that it includes everyone of every race, gender, and sexuality. Like I mentioned before, this dynamic is older than just the few years that it's existed on Tumblr. If you browse on Fetlife there are plenty of older Mommy Dommes and Daddy Doms as well as little boys and trans littles. Most of these folks (older adults) have never had a problem with it because it's common knowledge that the lifestyle includes everyone. Many members also oppose the name change because they feel it's pointless for the reason above. I feel like the only ones who seem to have a problem with DD/lg and commonly call people out for calling the dynamic that are people who expect the world to bend over backwards for them.

Unlike last year, I really don't have an issue with people calling the dynamic CG/l. I've gotten a lot of shit (and so have others) for wanting to stick to calling it DD/lg. The only issue I have with CG/l vs DD/lg is that the two are almost two different things now, but with the the similarity that the partner is more of a parental figure. It creates a lot of confusion meshing our dynamic (a D/s one) with lifestyle ageplay (a fetish), even though ageplay can exist without DD/lg and vice versa. And as a result of this there's a lot of misinformation spread that can harm littles and even Doms/Dommes. It creates room for false accusations of abuse due to a CG/l sub meeting a DD/lg Dom/Domme who is expecting a power exchange of some sort. A lot of people who identify as CG/l seem to be more into kinky sex, ageplay, and cute names but no D/s dynamic or power exchange, which is an important part of DD/lg. And there's really nothing wrong with that but for those individuals to bitch and preach at older members of the community about what DD/lg or CG/l really is are silly. Whether these individuals like it or not, DD/lg has been and still is a D/s dynamic.

My stand on it now though is if you feel more comfortable calling yourself CG/l, go for it. If you feel comfortable calling your dynamic DD/lg, go for it. If you want to call your dynamic something else more fitting then go right ahead. The bottom line is don't expect everyone to hop on your bandwagon just because you personally feel excluded, because that's no one else's problem but your own. No one should be shamed for calling the dynamic DD/lg if they want to.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Featured on Submissive Guide

I briefly mentioned this DDlgdoodles (a blog I run on Tumblr) that I was mentioned in a page of resources for DD/lg, ageplay, and AB/DL, not once but twice. As it turns out this blog was mentioned too.
DDLG Doodles: This tumblr page is filled with all sorts of awesome stuff including a lot of safety advice about different types of play. 
In Daddy’s Arms: A blog kept by an owned babygirl and submissive and her thoughts, experiences, and progress in her relationship.
-The Best Resources for Littles, Adult Babies, and Diaper LoversBy tequilarose on December 3, 2014

Pretty nifty, huh? And I do highly recommend checking out the full article because there are a lot of great resources out there, plenty that I didn't even know of.

I don't know how many lifestyle folks use Blogspot, I think Tumblr's pretty much #1 for the little community, but I know I get a lot of traffic on here via Google. I get a couple hundred views a day with people landing on my What is the DD/lg Dynamic? post either from people Googling DD/lg, similar phrases, or that page being linked by other littles on Tumblr. It's pretty cool to see that it's helped out a lot of people and as I continue to learn, I update it with new questions or touch up some paragraphs.

The rest of my blog is far more personal though so I was surprised to see my blog as a whole mentioned. In the past I used this blog as a back up in case my Tumblr was ever banned again because I didn't want to lose my entries again. My original DD/lg posts were rather strict and edgy, I have to admit. I touched up on a lot of topics in a militant way after being fed up with some of the misinformation being spread on Tumblr's little community. But as the year has continued, I've pretty much stopped using my main Tumblr to talk about my life with Daddy and kept it here. I've also kept my posts a lot more civilized so I guess I've matured in some ways. It's not that I don't want people reading my posts but I know most people who follow me on that Tumblr only follow me for my pictures or reblogs, so I don't want to spam their dashboards with personal posts.

I've been doing my best to update this blog more than I did last year. Especially with my trip coming up and my power exchange with Daddy shifting, there will be a lot to talk about in the upcoming weeks. We've discussed putting new rules in place for me. My rules have actually been around since the beginning of my dynamic with Daddy but we've added in things here and there. I'm expecting a big redo of it, but we'll see.

Part of me would like this blog to be more of a resource blog but I supposed that's why I created DDlgdoodles. I've cut down on posting there because I've been busy but I do want to do more guides, commissions, and cute & personal doodles. To those of you who read regularly or have subscribed to me, thank you. It means a lot. And the comments I get, I do read them and appreciate them. I have gotten some negative comments on other entries but I try to ignore them because I know it'll be like yelling at a well.