Wednesday, February 17, 2016

DD/lg vs Ageplay: Revamped

This post is being a remake of The Difference Between DD/lg and Ageplay, which screams of overly edgy writing of a teen. I apologize for the condescending nature of it and how poorly written it is. With this I hope to provide a better understanding of the two as seperate entities as well as explain the overlap.

For many beginners coming in DD/lg, there is some confusion about the two and whether or not they exist together. I've come across many littles who are afraid to openly identify as a little due to the idea that you must regress (ageplay) to be a little. If you've come here with that misconception, take a deep breath, smile, and rest assured because you'll be happy to hear that this is not true.

What is DD/lg?

DD/lg, also known as CG/l and Big/little, is a subset of D/s. Each branch of D/s is different but they hold many similarities, such as a Dominant partner, a submissive partner, a power exchange, and some established rules. DD/lg's focus in terms of D/s is mimicking the role of a parental figure. This doesn't always necessarily mean the little wants to act like a child but may simply want more structure and guidance in their relationship from their partner.

If you'd like a more in depth explanation, you can check out this blogpost.

What is a little?

The term little serves as a wide range of identifities and behaviorisms. As mentioned above a little is simply the submissive-equivalent in a DD/lg relationship. A little can be any age, gender, or sexual orientation; they are simply more in touch with their inner-child.  This means that they may naturally behave slightly younger than their apparent age. For example, a certain type of little, a middle, is one wants tobe treated and disciplined more like a preteen or teen.

What is Ageplay?

Ageplay is a fetish, sometimes even a lifestyle, for kinksters. It is a form of roleplaying that relies on the individual acting out as a child, also known as regression. It can be sexual or non-sexual depending on the person's reason for regression and their comfort level. For many ageplayers regression is a stress-free state that acts as a retreat from adult reponsibilities, stress, and concerns. Regression may take form in behavior, mannerisms, interest in activities, and/or appearance.

Ageplay can exist with or without a partner. Many ageplayers can regress on their own and are comfortable without having their partner get involved. There are other ageplayers who need a partner who can roleplay with them and take on the parental role (without dominance), providing them with the care and attention needed for their age group. I like to call these partners as caregivers.

Like DD/lg, there are different age groups that one can act out: ABDL, little, and middle/teen. Similarly a caregiver can engage in ageplay, where they may roleplay as a parental figure that is older than their age. A division of ageplay called ABDL (adult baby/diaper lover) focuses more an infantile state. For many this includes the use of diapers, bibs, baby bottles, cribs, and so on. If they have a caregiver they may ask of them to change their diapers, tuck them into their bed or crib, serve them dinner.

Ageplay can also exist simply as dress up. While it's not a roleplay that will take carry on into a lifestyle or everyday routine, it is a form of visual roleplaying. For example in the bedroom, some couples engage in roleplay such as the naughty school girl, where one partner will dress up in a school uniform and behave as a naughty teen. Another example who be sissification, a practice where a grown man is ordered to crossdress, normally in very frilly and childish dresses, as a form of humiliation.

The Similarities:

One of the biggest reasons for confusion are the titles involved:
  • Caregiver vs caregiver:
    • A Caregiver is now the gender neutral blanket term for a Dominant partner that takes part in DD/lg, hence the name CG/l. Because DD/lg includes more parental Dominant figures than just Daddy, this was put in place for those who do not feel included. Note the capital "c" in Caregiver, in the lifestyle this shows others that you are a Dominant partner.
    • A caregiver is also the term for an ageplayer's partner who participates in the roleplay. They are not interested in a power exchange and do not consider themselves a Dominant.
  • Both can exist as non-sexual.
  • Both can exist as a 24/7 lifestyle or only when needed/wanted.
  • Similar childish interests such as, but not limited to, coloring books, cartoon movies, being read to, being fed, etc.
  • Diapers and/or pullups may be worn.
  • Dress up. 
  • Child-like dependability on a partner or trusted person.

The Differences:

The biggest difference is the presence (or lack) of a power exchange. All D/s dynamics have a power exchange included in them. The idea that a power exchange = being a slave and being mistreated is a common misconception; a slave is actually a submissive that is interest in a total power exchange where all of their power and control is given up to their partner. DD/lg is different though and often times more relaxed and the level of control exchanged varies between partners and their comfort level. Even simply setting up a rules and rewards list is an example of a power exchange, where the little has expectations and rules to follow and they can get punished for not being responsible.

An ageplayer may have rules to follow, such as a healthy diet and keeping up with hygiene, but they may not be discplined for not keeping up with these. The disciplinary action is another example an exchange of control and dominance.

If a power exchange is present, you are most likely a little.
If no power exchange is present or you're not interested in one, you are more likely an ageplayer.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

  • Is being a little something that comes natural?
    • Do you feel the need to roleplay? The former is an ageplay trait.
    • Or Are you comfortable with your age while taking part in "little" activities? This is the trait of a little.
    • Can you identify a specific age when you hit little space? This tends to be an ageplay trait. A little who does not engage in ageplay has no need to specify an age to identify as.
  • Are you submissive?
    • Do you enjoy "serving" your partner in return for control, guidance, and care? This is a trait of a (submissive) little.
    • Do you enjoy having some level of control in your life held by your partner? Do you want your Big to tell you what you can eat, when you can use the bathroom, and have a bedtime? This is a trait of a (submissive) little.
  • Do you feel that you're not happy with your role as a little unless you dress and look younger?
    • It's important to note that if you have an interest in diapers, this can be a fetish on its own and does not automatically make you an ageplayer.
  • Do you talk in "little speak"? This is a trait shared by ageplayers and ageplaying littles.

The Overlap: Can these exist together? Can they exist separately?

Yes! It's very common for ageplay to exist with DD/lg, since they are so similar and they mesh well. For many littles, myself included, ageplaying helps me fulfilling my role as a little. I reach little space easier if I'm acting the part and indulging in these activities. My little space is also a safe place for me to escape to after a long day as an adult.

No right way to be a little:

If you don't engage in ageplay you can still be a little, and it doesn't make you any less of one. You are more familiar with yourself and if you feel like a babygirl, babyboy, or little then no one can say otherwise. You don't need diapers. You don't need to use little speak either. Your role as a little is not dependent on proving to others by looking the part, but it's how you see yourself, what you want from a relationship, and your interest in the dynamic.







28 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. I've been struggling for a long time to understand little vs babygirl. I don't ageplay (pacificers, sippy cups, diapers and so on), but I do have an inner "child", and exhibit mannerisms that may appear childlike at times. I like my Dominant to be parental, guiding and nurturing, but also strict when it comes to rules and obedience. So my question is, what exactly is a babygirl? Yes, I've read a lot of forums, but there are so many definitions I'm going crazy. I haven't labelled myself a "little" these past months because I feel like it's been taken over completely by ageplayers :(

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    Replies
    1. You're definitely not alone with feeling left out. Ageplay and DD/lg combined really seems to thrive mainly on Tumblr. On Fetlife you'll find a larger range of littles who are non-ageplayers and have groups specifically for that.

      To answer your main question, from what I understand, "babygirl" has different definitions to everyone. When I first came into the dynamic, "babygirl" was the default name for a female little, regardless of whether they were an ageplayer or not. Many resources that helped me understand this dynamic used that term.

      Over the years I've seen groups on Fetlife using it differently. There's one specific group that banned the use of the word because the owner believed it was used for ABDL or other forms of ageplay.

      I honestly have never used it that way and still refer to myself as a babygirl. If you'd prefer to call yourself that instead of a little, don't worry about what others may think. :)

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    2. How does a long distance relationship work with daddy and baby girl..

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    3. It works basically the same as if it weren't ldr just without the actual physical aspects.

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  3. Heya, this is a really helpful guide so thanks for writing it! I was wondering if there was another channel that I could contact you on (e.g. fetlife or email or something?) as I am currently involved making a documentary series on kink and one of the topics that we are focussing on is dd/lg :)

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  4. Hi Im Little Asu as my "Daddy" Rara calls me.... is it common for ddlg and ageplay to mix... like going from a furry pet to your "daddy" then revert to a young human child that ageplays with their "daddy"? Im a first time Little so im really curious as ive always liked ddlg and just found out what it was called recently.... and Rara (daddy) is the first person ive found to also like it and i wanna do my best for him.

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    1. Id love to talk and be you're daddy baby girl. Kik me at stetboy please

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    2. Id love to talk and be you're daddy baby girl. Kik me at stetboy please

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  5. OH!!! Ok. Well that's why tumblr never bothered me then. I was into BDSM before I got into ageplay, so when I stumbled into the "little" community I just merged everything for me and I assumed it was merged for everyone else too.
    It perplexes me that someone could get into little space without age-regressing. What is that even like? Not knocking it, just mystified.

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    1. If my daddy speaks to me in a certain time of voice I go straight into happy land, no matter where I am or what I am doing or even who might be around. I come back pretty quick so I get that nasty drop but I'm loving my roller coaster. I'm daddy's baby girl, I have a sippee cup and my binkie (paci) but I don't need them to get there.

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  6. I'm new to ddlg. I think I'm in love with my first little. It's very long-distance and we haven't met yet. There's more than 2x difference in our ages. We've been on for 3 months. We text and talk almost every day, and finish with ILUs and a bedtime story if there's time. We're medium-romantic, medium-D/s (she's helping me to unleash my inner-Dom), medium S/M (mostly spankings), and very sexual. But when we're being civil (not sexual, not age-playing), it feels like we're actual daddy-daughter (f'ing adorable). The age difference helps with that roleplay.

    What do you think of this? Is it sustainable? How do we keep it going?

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    1. I'm currently in my first DD/lg relationship, and there is also a significant age difference between my Daddy and I. Having the civil relations you spoke of are 100% the best thing in the world and you guys are so lucky to have that!
      I think even though you are long distance it is sustainable (Daddy and I have been in a similar situation for almost a year now) as long as you maintain trust. Trust is so super important for us littles to be able to open up our little side to our Daddies and without it, a DD/lg relationship is near impossible.
      Best of luck with your little!

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    2. I posted the July 16th reply, and wanted to add some detail. We're four months along and quite in love with one another. The twist is that she really wants us to be father-daughter, and drop any references to "role play" - and keep the romantic and sexual side of the relationship. I know how strange that sounds. We both love that kind of strangeness! She's never had a father in her life, and I've always wanted a daughter. So it's going well beyond DD/lg. We're both hopeful for the future, together somehow. We're interested in making it formal. Perhaps an adoption rather than marriage. I'll keep you posted.

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  8. I'm still relatively confused. I consider myself as a little as I am in a sub/dom relationship, however I also have this thing where I associate myself with sort of being around the 5/6 years old mark. I have an interest in using things such as sippy cups and a dummy but but I wouldn't use nappies as I'm not comfortable with that personally. I don't engage in this sexually often and don't have a strict rule/punishment dynamic (we have set rules but we never really enforce them). So I'm more confused on if this is age play or being a little?

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  9. Sorry, but your definition still does not work, as it still contains to many misconceptions about ageplay.

    >Ageplay is a fetish, sometimes even a lifestyle, for kinksters.<
    No, it's not a fetish. A fetish is an object that replaces a human being or a relationship dynamic as the source of sexual arousal or satisfaction. While a diaper can be a fetish, ageplay, like DD/lg, is mostly a relationship dynamic and not a substitute for one.

    >It is a form of roleplaying that relies on the individual acting out as a child, also known as regression.<
    It can be roleplaying, or it can be regression, or it can be an expression of personality, but it cannot be more than one of these at the same time, as they are mutually exclusive.

    >For many ageplayers regression is a stress-free state that acts as a retreat from adult reponsibilities, stress, and concerns.<
    This is cliché. Yes, it can be this kind of thing, but for most ageplayers it is simply a matter of living/expressing a part of their personality that cannot be expressed in their adult lives.

    >Many ageplayers can regress on their own and are comfortable without having their partner get involved.<
    Most ageplayers who do not have a partner are deeply unhappy about this or very lonely and wish for nothing more than a partner to experience ageplay with. You should not underestimate to what degree ageplay is a relationship dynamic.

    >Like DD/lg, there are different age groups that one can act out: ABDL, little, and middle/teen.<
    Most ageplayers are fluid about their little age and would find it hard to identify with such strict age groups.

    >A division of ageplay called ABDL (adult baby/diaper lover) focuses more an infantile state.<
    Wrong. ABDL is a blanket term for diaper-wearing kinksters. DLs are essentially diaper fetishists with little or no interest in ageplay whatsoever. In fact, many ABs will find much more overlaps with aspects of DD/lg than with DLs.

    >The biggest difference is the presence (or lack) of a power exchange. All D/s dynamics have a power exchange included in them.<
    I know next to no ageplayer who is not interested in a D/s or power exchange dynamic. Submitting to a big, vulnerability and having someone else control what you are allowed to do is one of the most basic dynamics present in almost every ageplay relationship, and, as I said above, is what most ageplayers without a partner are longing for.

    >An ageplayer may have rules to follow, such as a healthy diet and keeping up with hygiene, but they may not be discplined for not keeping up with these.<
    Wrong. Discipline features heavily in many ageplay relationships.

    There is no point in your definitions. You are creating an arbitrary (and wrong) divide between two kinks that are very much related.

    Both ageplay and DD/lg are expressions of a D/s dynamic. If anything, DD/lg is a very specific form of ageplay, but in no way are they as separate as you make them appear to be.

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    1. Can you just go away and stop stalking this blog just to be condescending. Your comment wasn't even worth finishing due to your lack of respect. Not everything is going to fall under what YOU think it should be. There are no rules for anything and if that's how OP sees it, then that's it. I'm sure there are people who disagree with what you have to say.

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    2. You didn't finish reading the definition of Fetish. You simply took the first two convenient meanings. If you read the complete definition it also includes: "an excessive and irrational devotion or commitment to a particular thing".

      Someone is crying out for a spanking!

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    3. I think the author of this blog did a fantastic job explaining that many of the traditionally defined roles of each sect of kink may and often do crossover.

      Then again perhaps maybe YOU are not doing it right, lol.

      Either way I stand by my original reply. And I don't care who gives it to you. Whether it's your Caregiver or caregiver, Daddy or Mommy, you need a spanking.

      Delete
  10. Thats's a pretty condescending way to correct someone. I'm sure that DD/lg and ageplay do overlap a lot, but there is possibility that they also do not connect at all for some people. Kinks can be related but still have mild differences. The writer was pointing out main differences and highlighting those, if she were to talk about the various similarities the article would be completely different. Please try and be more respectful and considerate if you're trying to correct someone. Constructive criticism would be welcome, but unfortunately thats not what your comment is.

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  12. I really like how you explain this. Your blog is so organized and I love the look! I am a age playing little. I am blogging for school because this is something I am very experienced in. I am so grateful for people like you that help the community and others understand what is what.

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  13. I'm having some issues and could REALLY use some Help... before you read this long message though, please know... it's not just "Ageplay vs Little". It's bigger than that,..
    like... relationship dynamic, needs are different but desire for one another is the same,... I need help. Lol

    I don't believe I am an ageplayer. I will get that part out of the way first as it will take the least amount of time. I have childlike tendencies and behaviors but at no given time have I ever been able to answer the "What's Your Littles Age?", question. Which is why I am absolutely useless to helping my Dom(who is only assuming the role of "Daddy" for me because it makes me happy) receive the information he needs to know and understand my Little side and specific needs more and why I completely froze upon being asked that question.

    My Dom is so very attentive and thoughtful,... He never even dreamed of, planned or desired a DD/lg dynamic... His sole purpose for getting into the lifestyle and doing the work and studies He has done has been for a very strict D/s and eventually Master/slave, relationship. Which at one point was what I wanted in my life before but always with those compassionate natured aspects, but I digress.

    I'm trying to meet Him in the middle... being an abused little after my last relationship, I've found its hard to give the trust and submission He Deserves and I crave to give Him. My ex would make me feel low for engaging in my little side or even having opinions... I had to fight to be heard, but it wasn't always like that or else I wouldn't have stayed.

    I require the loving, nurturing and guiding almost parental Dominant relationship but I still desire the strict attributes of the dynamic especially when it comes to rules, punishments, structure and I Know that's something He Needs, Too.

    I Need to Serve.
    I Feel Happy And Whole.
    I Crave To Give Of My Heart, Soul, Body, Mind, And Time... but I Crave A Strong Loving Foundation,...
    I Need To Be Loved. Fully. Completely.
    I need to know that I AM Deserving of a healthy, stable, loving relationship and then I will effortlessly be able to Give of My Heart and Serve Him. I should already know that I Am,... but at the same time there are these nagging voices telling me our differences are too big and I can't be what He wants.

    I just don't know how to react when I believe being playfully disobedient is a submissives fun at times (in certain situations away fron the eyes of others) but He believes at any given time that any "brattiness" is simply and only Disrespect...
    I don't know how to feel about my fears of never being able to pick around with Him like I'm used to with others because I might accidentally say "fuck you" jokingly and upset Him... and... the biggest issue I have thought of lately... is that,... I still have an overwhelming desire to be wedded one day, to go on dates and travel the world with my daughter and partner, to be proposed to and married and I don't really know if that's something He even cares for the idea of...

    I've always had to fight to be heard in my relationships but,... He listens and cares and we even have a rule for having monthly discussions on a set day so both sides can be heard and the problems or potential possible problems can be addressed. (That's not to say we can't discuss issues otherwise, the day is simply set so it's always allowing our Communication to be a key focal point.)

    Which I Am,... not used to in the least.

    My ex,... I was with off and on for 7 years, have a child with him whom is my Heart and Soul,... I tried to give my ex the ultimate power exchange,... I attempted a forced availavility, almost 24/7, power exchange relationship where I did all the work, all the research and I gave All I had.... (LDR for the most part of the first 3 years) relationship in which I showed him that I trusted him with my very life...

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  14. I won't go into further detail,... but it appears that due to the damage done... as much as I WANT to give MY ALL to this amazing man that I Love so much now...

    I,... feel as if... I wasted it.... I gave it to someone undeserving and now I don't know what to do because I have finally found the One person who I'm beginning to realize can, not just make my Lifestyle 24/7 dreams come true but,... perhaps even my vanilla wishes for Marriage and a happy thriving family eventually, too.

    I want to give Him my heart. Not just my submission. At the same time, I want to give my submission freely and without even commanded... I feel,... I need to give Him my Heart before I Can give my submission and I don't know how to explain that. All of my life I have given more love than I have known I'll ever get back,... but with Him I feel that I Am finally being shown that I deserve the love I've so freely given to others. I Know He loves me,... we've said it a dozen times now.... but,... at the same time... I know that what He wants/needs in a dynamic is different than what I want/need. Not entirely, the power exchange is mutual, as well as other interests but because I require more from Him than He initially planned for in a relationship (with anyone in the D/s dynamic)... there are these annoying thoughts in my head that even if I show Him I will and want to give my All,... this is still not what He wanted and I may not be enough.

    The reason I say I should Know He Loves Me... is because He is the first person to ever truly notice me,.. the "little" things that make me, Me. He is the only one to EVER care about my forgetting my epipen and punish me for unintentionally endangering myself by not paying attention to the ingredients in food I eat, the only one to ever care about my journaling, and although His and My Spiritual beliefs differ (His are nonexistent and mine is like,... prayer, belief in the power/significance of mirrors and looking into synchronicities and Angel Numbers and cystals and Oracle cards and meditation), He still supports me in my personal endeavours to know my own spirituality and myself deeper,... and... He wrote personalized Affirmations for me to say daily, before bed and first upon waking in the morning. No one... has Ever done anything like that for me, not to mention the countless hours of studying He did on DD/lg for me.

    Also,... He isn't big on PDA but he knows I Am,....

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  15. I try though,... I write down important things to Him and study them to commit them to memory so I never have to guess what His sizes for a sports jacket or favorite candy bar are,... and I try to help with thinges around the house even if it's not my place to and I try to remain mentally aware of His finances and help Him to keep on a budget until we get stable reliable jobs and then spending a little here and there wouldn't be as big of an issue. I have allowed Him to do things He doesn't even know have been off limits for me with exes before... I just need help with being a better submissive,... I tend to fight rules on occasion and depending on my stress level,... can tend to have an attitude at times also. (I have a panty collection that I've accumulated over the last 8 years but He likes me to not wear any... and it upsets me that I feel like He'll never really care for me to dress up in a matching set with them for Him or I should just throw them all away since they aren't needed) so I get a little frustrated when it comes to matters like that... and taking my sweets consumption away/limiting it.... but I'm getting over that one because I know it's just because He Cares about my health and doesn't want me to get diabetes.

    Ugh... I just need some advice,... my mind is a wreck and I've been trying to figure out something. Anything. Please. I want to be what He Needs, He already excels at what I want and we have spoken of us both needing certain things we aren't getting and actively working to fix the issues. I really appreciate you taking your time to read my message and any replies that are given. I respectfully added at the beginning that this is a bigger issue than a misunderstanding of "Little vs Ageplayer" so I hope you don't mind my plea for assistance!

    One Happily Owned Kitten =^,.,^=

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