The elements around the D/s lifestyle are pretty similar to that of your typical one which includes guidance, protection, training, and devotion. What makes it different from other well known branches (Master/slave and Master/pet) is that the submissive holds an inner-child side and ageplay is often incorporated in it, so not every Dom is interested in it because of the this. The power exchange between the Daddy/Mommy and little is often lower versus a TPE (total power exchange). There are also different expectations for a little than a slave, for example. Protocols and the expectations may be different or much more relaxed. The dynamic instead focuses on care and guidance for the little, where rules enforced ensure that. While the Daddy stills holds characteristics of a typical Dom, he now also plays a more intimate and nurturing parental role. He does not take the place of a true father figure that is in His sub’s life. Engaging in incest roleplay is not uncommon though and should not be judged.
What is a Daddy Dom or Mommy Domme?A Daddy, Mommy, or any other Big is a type of Dominant partner. The Big can be of any gender and age group. It's a common misconception that a Big has to be a lot older than the little but this is completely false. While experience does come with age, age alone is not what makes a person Dominant. Some Daddies are strict, while others are more relaxed. It all depends on the person, connection, and the power exchange. Daddies focus more on guidance and nurturing their little, helping them grow as a person and explore theirselves. This isn’t to say that other Doms don’t do the same but their reasons behind it may be different.
Being a Daddy is more than sex and having the ability to control. Being a Daddy is more than just giving spankings. "Daddy" is more than just a name or a title. It's a mindset, it's a personality, it's a way of being. And most importantly it's a great amount of responsibility. To a Daddy, his little is his world and the feeling is mutual. He may see them through the eyes of a parent, but this is not to say that the relationship is incestuous at all, or that the Daddy takes the place of the little's father. They are his most prized possession and a work of art, not in terms of physical appearance, but showing his skill and care as a Dominant. They take on the responsibilities of their little's life, helping relieve some of the stress and guiding them through every day obstacles.
A Daddy sees potential in his little and does his best to bring it out. Think of finding a rough gem, it’s a gem crafter’s job to cut and shine that gem to show its true potential. Rules are set in place to make sure their little is taking care of themselves. These rules can apply to how they carry out their day, reminding them to take care of proper hygiene, allowing him to choose what they wear, making sure they’re eating healthy, and if they’re on medications that they’re taking them daily. These rules can also apply to internal factors such as encouraging a little to speak up if they’re feeling down, self conscious, or feel that their needs are not being met in the relationship. These rules of encouragement allow the little to speak their mind without fear of being punished or yelled at. And of course there can be rules set in place that are how the little should act towards their Daddy and how to meet his needs. It’s important to emphasize that these needs are not always sexual; submission can be carried out in many different ways. Chores and assignments may also be given to help teach the little responsibility.
When a little acts out of line, it's his job to teach them right from wrong. Punishments may be given to teach a lesson and they can range from physical punishments, to extra chores, to writing assignments, to loss of privileges. A Daddy does not like punishing his little though, in comparison to how a sadist likes to inflict pain on their bottom. There is no enjoyment in being disappointed and let down, having to correct behavior, or see their little cry with shame. The punishment is not about giving pleasure through pain but it's teaching a lesson and conditioning, providing an action and a lecture as to why it was wrong and what they can do differently to behave better. But after the punishment it's his job to remind the little that once it's over, the issue is dust in the wind.
What is a little?The term little refers to a submissive that is more of a child-at-heart and plays on their child-like nature. In some communities you'll see that the term's original definition is used a little bit differently and losely, since you can find littles who are more interested in little space but without D/s. For the sake of talking about the dynamic and lifestyle, I'll be using the term with D/s in mind. In general littles may require more care, attention, protection, and guidance than other submissives. Their Dominant partner acts as more of a parental or caregiver figure than other types of Dominants and are typically called names along the lines of Mommy and Daddy, but you’ll find dynamics where the Big partner is another “family” member (sister and brother or even Uncle or Aunt, for example). They feed off each other; the Big giving the support, care, and guidance, while receiving devotion, love, obedience, and playfulness that they may desire.
Not all littles are ageplayers, and not all ageplayers are submissives. Ageplay is a kink that tends to overlap. Non-ageplay littles tend to share a relationship with their Daddy/Mommy that is full of TLC ("tender loving care"; and what’s mentioned above) to feed the inner child, though the sub does not act out as a child. For littles that engage in ageplay, the little actually does take on a little persona and will roleplay as if she were that age. It can range anywhere from simply wanting to look slightly younger, like a cute dress and pig tails, to wanting a pacifier and coloring books and engaging in childish activities. These activities can be completely non-sexual and for the benefit and happiness of the little, which is why you'll see Daddies/Mommies take part in these activities. Each little is different and has their own interests. From there the Daddy/Mommy takes on His role and acts accordingly, depending on the age, they may need more structure, guidance, and attention than other subs.
It is not uncommon for a Daddy/Mommy to establish rules to teach His little and keep them in line. These rules can range from behavioral rules to every day things such as bedtimes and bathroom privileges. Some couples even create a reward system and chart to praise when the little has been good. At the end of the week or month, prizes are rewarded for good behavior. Like other dynamics, punishments are typically given for littles who break the rules and can range from spankings to loss of privileges.
Please note that the DD/lg dynamic has nothing to do with pedophilia. We do not condone the acts of pedophilia and the exploitation of children in any way. Just as adults like to take on other roles in the bedroom such as nurse, pet, porn star, etc. it is all roleplay; that is the same for ageplay. No matter how taboo the roleplay or fantasy, it's harmless as long as no one is being abused. No one is sexualizing children and the dynamic is not pedophilia. Pedophiles would not be interested in adult women anyways, no matter how young they dress or look, because they're attracted to the idea of prepubescent children either for the sake of the easy manipulation and sex or the body. The DD/lg dynamic is like any other aspect of BDSM - it is safe, sane, and consensual between adults. Those who participate in the dynamic should be not be shamed for doing so and should not be accused of having "daddy issues".
What DD/lg is not...
- For minors or anyone under 18.
- gender, sexuality, age (18+), or race specific.
- just calling your boyfriend or husband "daddy" in bed This would be considered topping and bottoming. There is nothing wrong with that but since it's bedroom play rather than a lifestyle, it differs from a D/s dynamic.
- the same as sugar daddies and sugar babies.
- a reason for a submissive to act like a brat and manipulate their Dom/Domme.
- a way to get spoiled and give nothing in return.
Other explanations of DD/lg:What is a Daddy Dom? - Alittleunderstanding.com
What is a little? - Alittleunderstanding.com
What is DD/lg? - Written by romantic-ds
What is a Daddy Dom? - Library for Kinksters
The Wonderful World of Littles - Submissvefeminist
Some questions regarding the dynamicQ: I want to hop in and be a little/Daddy/Mommy, but I have no experience in the lifestyle.
A: If you're willing to take the dynamic seriously and have what it takes then hop right in. I recommend joining Fetlife and joining DD/lg groups on there or Tumblr's DD/lg community to learn more. Please remember that owning another person is a very big responsibility. Their safety and well-being lies in your hands. If you don't feel like you can carry on this role and take this responsibility outside of the bedroom then a D/s dynamic may not be for you.
Q: Do I have to be an older man/woman to be a Daddy/Mommy?
A: No, this dynamic's roles are not age specific. You will find that a lot of littles prefer older men than younger men but that's simply a preference and living out the fantasy of Nobakov's Lolita (which also has nothing to do with this dynamic). Your age does not disqualify you if you are a Dom and would like to engage in this dynamic.
Q: Do I have to call my Dom "Daddy"? I feel uncomfortable with that title.
A:No, you don't. You can call your Daddy or Mommy any title that you're both comfortable with. Being a Daddy or a Mommy is more than titles, anyone can call their partner those names and it doesn’t make them a Daddy Dom/Mommy Domme. A Daddy or Mommy is characterized based on the dynamic they have with their little - the rules and guidelines given, the expectations, the power exchange, taking on a caregiver or parental role, etc.
Don’t let a dynamic’s title name limit you, it’s simply a name given to describe the type of dynamic and differentiate it from Owner/pet and Master/slave. It’s simply a guideline. You can call your partner anything you both are comfortable with and that doesn’t change your dynamic.
Here are some alternative names:
- Papa Bear
- Big Brother
- Onii (-Chan)
- Daddy translated in another language
A: Nope, your relationship is however you create it. But basic understandings of a D/s lifestyle will give you some basic foundation to work from, as well as letting you see how to improve your role or your partner's.
Q: Can I engage in pet play and still be a little? A: Most definitely and it's very common too. As I've come to learn, the other branches in the D/s dynamic serve as guidelines and give you an idea of what sort of relationship you're aiming for. You're more than welcome to take and omit whatever you'd like.
Q: Is it all about sex?
A: Not at all. Unless stated otherwise, D/s relationships are not just about sex. What makes a D/s relationship is the power exchange between then couple. Many DD/lg couples are in intimate, romantic relationships and carry on with their mixed (vanilla and kink) lives together just like vanilla couples. Also servitude and submission can be shown in many other ways and that's for you and your partner to discuss. So if you're asexual, you can most definitely carry on this sort of dynamic.
Q: What is the different between DD/lg and ageplay?
A: DD/lg is a D/s dynamic and involves a power exchange between the Dom and sub. ABDL and ageplay are not, instead they are forms of roleplay whether it’s sexual or not. They can be incorporated into a relationship involving power exchanges. If you'd like a more in depth answer, please click herehttp://daddys-doll.blogspot.com/2016/02/ddlg-vs-ageplay-revamped.html.
Q: What makes a good Daddy/Mommy?
Q: Do I have to like girly things or like baby things?
I get this question a lot. A lot of new littles think they don't fit in with what the "ideal little look" or persona. There's no set look to be a little. You don't have to like what others like, such as pacifiers, diapers, Disney princesses, MLP, etc. You don't have to engage in ageplay. You don't have to dress up in girly clothing or like cutesy pastel colors.
Don't let others tell you you're not a little because you don't like what they like.
Q: Where can I meet a Daddy, Mommy, or other littles.
Daddy Doms/Babygirl submissives
Daddy Doms and Babygirls
Daddy ~ girl Relationships
To view these groups you will need to join Fetlife. Fetlife is strictly for 18+. Make your account and fill out your profile. Make sure you talk about yourself and what you're looking for. Aside from the groups mentioned above, join groups that are centered around your city or a large city around you. Munches and events are a great way to meet people and learn new things.
- *Please note that personals posts should only be posted in personals groups. If it's posted outside of those, your post may be seen as spam and deleted.
/r/bdsmpersonals All of the above are strictly 18+
- DDlgworld.com - A DD/lg (CG/l or Big/little) friendly forum for Bigs and littles of all kinds to make friends, discuss topics, and talk about their relationships.
- Littlespace Online - A DD/lg, CG/l, ageplay, and ABDL community.
Last edited: August 3, 2015