Wednesday, February 17, 2016

DD/lg vs Ageplay: Revamped

This post is being a remake of The Difference Between DD/lg and Ageplay, which screams of overly edgy writing of a teen. I apologize for the condescending nature of it and how poorly written it is. With this I hope to provide a better understanding of the two as seperate entities as well as explain the overlap.

For many beginners coming in DD/lg, there is some confusion about the two and whether or not they exist together. I've come across many littles who are afraid to openly identify as a little due to the idea that you must regress (ageplay) to be a little. If you've come here with that misconception, take a deep breath, smile, and rest assured because you'll be happy to hear that this is not true.

What is DD/lg?

DD/lg, also known as CG/l and Big/little, is a subset of D/s. Each branch of D/s is different but they hold many similarities, such as a Dominant partner, a submissive partner, a power exchange, and some established rules. DD/lg's focus in terms of D/s is mimicking the role of a parental figure. This doesn't always necessarily mean the little wants to act like a child but may simply want more structure and guidance in their relationship from their partner.

If you'd like a more in depth explanation, you can check out this blogpost.

What is a little?

The term little serves as a wide range of identifities and behaviorisms. As mentioned above a little is simply the submissive-equivalent in a DD/lg relationship. A little can be any age, gender, or sexual orientation; they are simply more in touch with their inner-child.  This means that they may naturally behave slightly younger than their apparent age. For example, a certain type of little, a middle, is one wants tobe treated and disciplined more like a preteen or teen.

What is Ageplay?

Ageplay is a fetish, sometimes even a lifestyle, for kinksters. It is a form of roleplaying that relies on the individual acting out as a child, also known as regression. It can be sexual or non-sexual depending on the person's reason for regression and their comfort level. For many ageplayers regression is a stress-free state that acts as a retreat from adult reponsibilities, stress, and concerns. Regression may take form in behavior, mannerisms, interest in activities, and/or appearance.

Ageplay can exist with or without a partner. Many ageplayers can regress on their own and are comfortable without having their partner get involved. There are other ageplayers who need a partner who can roleplay with them and take on the parental role (without dominance), providing them with the care and attention needed for their age group. I like to call these partners as caregivers.

Like DD/lg, there are different age groups that one can act out: ABDL, little, and middle/teen. Similarly a caregiver can engage in ageplay, where they may roleplay as a parental figure that is older than their age. A division of ageplay called ABDL (adult baby/diaper lover) focuses more an infantile state. For many this includes the use of diapers, bibs, baby bottles, cribs, and so on. If they have a caregiver they may ask of them to change their diapers, tuck them into their bed or crib, serve them dinner.

Ageplay can also exist simply as dress up. While it's not a roleplay that will take carry on into a lifestyle or everyday routine, it is a form of visual roleplaying. For example in the bedroom, some couples engage in roleplay such as the naughty school girl, where one partner will dress up in a school uniform and behave as a naughty teen. Another example who be sissification, a practice where a grown man is ordered to crossdress, normally in very frilly and childish dresses, as a form of humiliation.

The Similarities:

One of the biggest reasons for confusion are the titles involved:
  • Caregiver vs caregiver:
    • A Caregiver is now the gender neutral blanket term for a Dominant partner that takes part in DD/lg, hence the name CG/l. Because DD/lg includes more parental Dominant figures than just Daddy, this was put in place for those who do not feel included. Note the capital "c" in Caregiver, in the lifestyle this shows others that you are a Dominant partner.
    • A caregiver is also the term for an ageplayer's partner who participates in the roleplay. They are not interested in a power exchange and do not consider themselves a Dominant.
  • Both can exist as non-sexual.
  • Both can exist as a 24/7 lifestyle or only when needed/wanted.
  • Similar childish interests such as, but not limited to, coloring books, cartoon movies, being read to, being fed, etc.
  • Diapers and/or pullups may be worn.
  • Dress up. 
  • Child-like dependability on a partner or trusted person.

The Differences:

The biggest difference is the presence (or lack) of a power exchange. All D/s dynamics have a power exchange included in them. The idea that a power exchange = being a slave and being mistreated is a common misconception; a slave is actually a submissive that is interest in a total power exchange where all of their power and control is given up to their partner. DD/lg is different though and often times more relaxed and the level of control exchanged varies between partners and their comfort level. Even simply setting up a rules and rewards list is an example of a power exchange, where the little has expectations and rules to follow and they can get punished for not being responsible.

An ageplayer may have rules to follow, such as a healthy diet and keeping up with hygiene, but they may not be discplined for not keeping up with these. The disciplinary action is another example an exchange of control and dominance.

If a power exchange is present, you are most likely a little.
If no power exchange is present or you're not interested in one, you are more likely an ageplayer.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

  • Is being a little something that comes natural?
    • Do you feel the need to roleplay? The former is an ageplay trait.
    • Or Are you comfortable with your age while taking part in "little" activities? This is the trait of a little.
    • Can you identify a specific age when you hit little space? This tends to be an ageplay trait. A little who does not engage in ageplay has no need to specify an age to identify as.
  • Are you submissive?
    • Do you enjoy "serving" your partner in return for control, guidance, and care? This is a trait of a (submissive) little.
    • Do you enjoy having some level of control in your life held by your partner? Do you want your Big to tell you what you can eat, when you can use the bathroom, and have a bedtime? This is a trait of a (submissive) little.
  • Do you feel that you're not happy with your role as a little unless you dress and look younger?
    • It's important to note that if you have an interest in diapers, this can be a fetish on its own and does not automatically make you an ageplayer.
  • Do you talk in "little speak"? This is a trait shared by ageplayers and ageplaying littles.

The Overlap: Can these exist together? Can they exist separately?

Yes! It's very common for ageplay to exist with DD/lg, since they are so similar and they mesh well. For many littles, myself included, ageplaying helps me fulfilling my role as a little. I reach little space easier if I'm acting the part and indulging in these activities. My little space is also a safe place for me to escape to after a long day as an adult.

No right way to be a little:

If you don't engage in ageplay you can still be a little, and it doesn't make you any less of one. You are more familiar with yourself and if you feel like a babygirl, babyboy, or little then no one can say otherwise. You don't need diapers. You don't need to use little speak either. Your role as a little is not dependent on proving to others by looking the part, but it's how you see yourself, what you want from a relationship, and your interest in the dynamic.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

What is the DD/lg dynamic?

In the world of D/s relationships, Doms and subs have different titles, sometimes depending on the dynamic or based on comfort between the couples. While most people are familiar with Master/slave or Master/pet, there is a "gentler" and more lenient dynamic and that is DD/lg. DD/lg stands for Daddy Dom and little girl, but it also known as Daddy Dom and babygirl. Do not be fooled by the name though, it is not gender specific, there are Mommies and little boys as well. It still involves a Dominant (male or female) and a submissive (male or female). Some other names for the dynamic include CG/l (Caregiver/little) and Big/little.

The elements around the D/s lifestyle are pretty similar to that of your typical one which includes guidance, protection, training, and devotion. What makes it different from other well known branches (Master/slave and Master/pet) is that the submissive holds an inner-child side and ageplay is often incorporated in it, so not every Dom is interested in it because of the this. The power exchange between the Daddy/Mommy and little is often lower versus a TPE (total power exchange). There are also different expectations for a little than a slave, for example. Protocols and the expectations may be different or much more relaxed. The dynamic instead focuses on care and guidance for the little, where rules enforced ensure that. While the Daddy stills holds characteristics of a typical Dom, he now also plays a more intimate and nurturing parental role. He does not take the place of a true father figure that is in His sub’s life. Engaging in incest roleplay is not uncommon though and should not be judged.

What is a Daddy Dom or Mommy Domme?

A Daddy, Mommy, or any other Big is a type of Dominant partner. The Big can be of any gender and age group. It's a common misconception that a Big has to be a lot older than the little but this is completely false. While experience does come with age, age alone is not what makes a person Dominant. Some Daddies are strict, while others are more relaxed. It all depends on the person, connection, and the power exchange. Daddies focus more on guidance and nurturing their little, helping them grow as a person and explore theirselves. This isn’t to say that other Doms don’t do the same but their reasons behind it may be different.

Being a Daddy is more than sex and having the ability to control. Being a Daddy is more than just giving spankings. "Daddy" is more than just a name or a title. It's a mindset, it's a personality, it's a way of being. And most importantly it's a great amount of responsibility. To a Daddy, his little is his world and the feeling is mutual. He may see them through the eyes of a parent, but this is not to say that the relationship is incestuous at all, or that the Daddy takes the place of the little's father. They are his most prized possession and a work of art, not in terms of physical appearance, but showing his skill and care as a Dominant. They take on the responsibilities of their little's life, helping relieve some of the stress and guiding them through every day obstacles.

 A Daddy sees potential in his little and does his best to bring it out. Think of finding a rough gem, it’s a gem crafter’s job to cut and shine that gem to show its true potential. Rules are set in place to make sure their little is taking care of themselves. These rules can apply to how they carry out their day, reminding them to take care of proper hygiene, allowing him to choose what they wear, making sure they’re eating healthy, and if they’re on medications that they’re taking them daily. These rules can also apply to internal factors such as encouraging a little to speak up if they’re feeling down, self conscious, or feel that their needs are not being met in the relationship. These rules of encouragement allow the little to speak their mind without fear of being punished or yelled at. And of course there can be rules set in place that are how the little should act towards their Daddy and how to meet his needs. It’s important to emphasize that these needs are not always sexual; submission can be carried out in many different ways. Chores and assignments may also be given to help teach the little responsibility.

 When a little acts out of line, it's his job to teach them right from wrong. Punishments may be given to teach a lesson and they can range from physical punishments, to extra chores, to writing assignments, to loss of privileges. A Daddy does not like punishing his little though, in comparison to how a sadist likes to inflict pain on their bottom. There is no enjoyment in being disappointed and let down, having to correct behavior, or see their little cry with shame. The punishment is not about giving pleasure through pain but it's teaching a lesson and conditioning, providing an action and a lecture as to why it was wrong and what they can do differently to behave better. But after the punishment it's his job to remind the little that once it's over, the issue is dust in the wind.

What is a little?

The term little refers to a submissive that is more of a child-at-heart and plays on their child-like nature. In some communities you'll see that the term's original definition is used a little bit differently and losely, since you can find littles who are more interested in little space but without D/s. For the sake of talking about the dynamic and lifestyle, I'll be using the term with D/s in mind. In general littles may require more care, attention, protection, and guidance than other submissives. Their Dominant partner acts as more of a parental or caregiver figure than other types of Dominants and are typically called names along the lines of Mommy and Daddy, but you’ll find dynamics where the Big partner is another “family” member (sister and brother or even Uncle or Aunt, for example). They feed off each other; the Big giving the support, care, and guidance, while receiving devotion, love, obedience, and playfulness that they may desire.

 Not all littles are ageplayers, and not all ageplayers are submissives. Ageplay is a kink that tends to overlap. Non-ageplay littles tend to share a relationship with their Daddy/Mommy that is full of TLC ("tender loving care"; and what’s mentioned above) to feed the inner child, though the sub does not act out as a child. For littles that engage in ageplay, the little actually does take on a little persona and will roleplay as if she were that age. It can range anywhere from simply wanting to look slightly younger, like a cute dress and pig tails, to wanting a pacifier and coloring books and engaging in childish activities. These activities can be completely non-sexual and for the benefit and happiness of the little, which is why you'll see Daddies/Mommies take part in these activities. Each little is different and has their own interests. From there the Daddy/Mommy takes on His role and acts accordingly, depending on the age, they may need more structure, guidance, and attention than other subs.

It is not uncommon for a Daddy/Mommy to establish rules to teach His little and keep them in line. These rules can range from behavioral rules to every day things such as bedtimes and bathroom privileges. Some couples even create a reward system and chart to praise when the little has been good. At the end of the week or month, prizes are rewarded for good behavior. Like other dynamics, punishments are typically given for littles who break the rules and can range from spankings to loss of privileges.

Please note that the DD/lg dynamic has nothing to do with pedophilia. We do not condone the acts of pedophilia and the exploitation of children in any way. Just as adults like to take on other roles in the bedroom such as nurse, pet, porn star, etc. it is all roleplay; that is the same for ageplay. No matter how taboo the roleplay or fantasy, it's harmless as long as no one is being abused. No one is sexualizing children and the dynamic is not pedophilia. Pedophiles would not be interested in adult women anyways, no matter how young they dress or look, because they're attracted to the idea of prepubescent children either for the sake of the easy manipulation and sex or the body. The DD/lg dynamic is like any other aspect of BDSM - it is safe, sane, and consensual between adults. Those who participate in the dynamic should be not be shamed for doing so and should not be accused of having "daddy issues".

  What DD/lg is not...
  • For minors or anyone under 18.
  • gender, sexuality, age (18+), or race specific.
  • just calling your boyfriend or husband "daddy" in bed This would be considered topping and bottoming. There is nothing wrong with that but since it's bedroom play rather than a lifestyle, it differs from a D/s dynamic.
  • the same as sugar daddies and sugar babies.
  • a reason for a submissive to act like a brat and manipulate their Dom/Domme.
  • a way to get spoiled and give nothing in return.

Other explanations of DD/lg:

What is a Daddy Dom? -
 What is a little? -
What is DD/lg? - Written by romantic-ds
What is a Daddy Dom? - Library for Kinksters
The Wonderful World of Littles - Submissvefeminist

Some questions regarding the dynamic

Q: I want to hop in and be a little/Daddy/Mommy, but I have no experience in the lifestyle.
 A: If you're willing to take the dynamic seriously and have what it takes then hop right in. I recommend joining Fetlife and joining DD/lg groups on there or Tumblr's DD/lg community to learn more. Please remember that owning another person is a very big responsibility. Their safety and well-being lies in your hands. If you don't feel like you can carry on this role and take this responsibility outside of the bedroom then a D/s dynamic may not be for you.

  Q: Do I have to be an older man/woman to be a Daddy/Mommy?
 A: No, this dynamic's roles are not age specific. You will find that a lot of littles prefer older men than younger men but that's simply a preference and living out the fantasy of Nobakov's Lolita (which also has nothing to do with this dynamic). Your age does not disqualify you if you are a Dom and would like to engage in this dynamic.

  Q: Do I have to call my Dom "Daddy"? I feel uncomfortable with that title.
 A:No, you don't. You can call your Daddy or Mommy any title that you're both comfortable with. Being a Daddy or a Mommy is more than titles, anyone can call their partner those names and it doesn’t make them a Daddy Dom/Mommy Domme. A Daddy or Mommy is characterized based on the dynamic they have with their little - the rules and guidelines given, the expectations, the power exchange, taking on a caregiver or parental role, etc.

 Don’t let a dynamic’s title name limit you, it’s simply a name given to describe the type of dynamic and differentiate it from Owner/pet and Master/slave. It’s simply a guideline. You can call your partner anything you both are comfortable with and that doesn’t change your dynamic.

 Here are some alternative names:
Q: Are there set rules or guidelines?
 A: Nope, your relationship is however you create it. But basic understandings of a D/s lifestyle will give you some basic foundation to work from, as well as letting you see how to improve your role or your partner's.

 Q: Can I engage in pet play and still be a little? A: Most definitely and it's very common too. As I've come to learn, the other branches in the D/s dynamic serve as guidelines and give you an idea of what sort of relationship you're aiming for. You're more than welcome to take and omit whatever you'd like.

 Q: Is it all about sex?
 A: Not at all. Unless stated otherwise, D/s relationships are not just about sex. What makes a D/s relationship is the power exchange between then couple. Many DD/lg couples are in intimate, romantic relationships and carry on with their mixed (vanilla and kink) lives together just like vanilla couples. Also servitude and submission can be shown in many other ways and that's for you and your partner to discuss. So if you're asexual, you can most definitely carry on this sort of dynamic.

Q: What is the different between DD/lg and ageplay?
 A: DD/lg is a D/s dynamic and involves a power exchange between the Dom and sub. ABDL and ageplay are not, instead they are forms of roleplay whether it’s sexual or not. They can be incorporated into a relationship involving power exchanges. If you'd like a more in depth answer, please click here

Q: What makes a good Daddy/Mommy?

Q: Do I have to like girly things or like baby things?
I get this question a lot. A lot of new littles think they don't fit in with what the "ideal little look" or persona. There's no set look to be a little. You don't have to like what others like, such as pacifiers, diapers, Disney princesses, MLP, etc. You don't have to engage in ageplay. You don't have to dress up in girly clothing or like cutesy pastel colors.

Don't let others tell you you're not a little because you don't like what they like.

Q: Where can I meet a Daddy, Mommy, or other littles.

  • Fetlife:
Ageplay Personals - You may or may not find Daddy/Mommy Doms/Dommes in this group. I say this because ageplay and DD/lg are slightly different, and not every ageplayer is looking for a Dom when they look for a Daddy or Mommy. But you can definitely find friends or playmates in here. Daddy - lil girl/babygirl Personals
Daddy Doms/Babygirl submissives 
Daddy Doms and Babygirls
Daddy ~ girl Relationships

To view these groups you will need to join Fetlife. Fetlife is strictly for 18+. Make your account and fill out your profile. Make sure you talk about yourself and what you're looking for. Aside from the groups mentioned above, join groups that are centered around your city or a large city around you. Munches and events are a great way to meet people and learn new things.
      *Please note that personals posts should only be posted in personals groups. If it's posted outside of those, your post may be seen as spam and deleted.
  • - A DD/lg (CG/l or Big/little) friendly forum for Bigs and littles of all kinds to make friends, discuss topics, and talk about their relationships.
  • Littlespace Online - A DD/lg, CG/l, ageplay, and ABDL community.

Last edited:  August 3, 2015